Are you wondering how to tell a man what you need without coming off as needy? Women weren’t born yesterday and they know about all that dating advice that says men don’t like needy women. As a result, women are so concerned about coming off as needy that they don’t get their needs meet because they are scared to communicate them. And that makes them … needy (just what they are scared of being)!
Don’t be scared you will frighten him off
Don’t be scared you will frighten off a man if you tell him what you need. You can’t walk on eggshells. You need to realize your own truth and if you are muted and muzzled about expressing your needs it will make you frustrated and resentful. Eventually you will ruin the relationship anyways when unmet needs fester. You’ll get angry.
If you squash your needs for fear of coming off as needy you will undoubtedly wind up in a blow-up fight. Don’t assume he should know what you need or know what makes you happy. Men will trot along at status-quo thinking things are aye-OK and that doesn’t mean they are selfish it just means they are oblivious.
If you secretly expect a man to know what you need without disclosing it to him, you will wind up disappointed. The man will give you nothing, or the bare minimum of what he thinks you need instead. What you have to understand is that he doesn’t have a crystal ball and he can’t read your mind as to what you need. Even if what you need is common dating etiquette (call when you are supposed to, don’t break plans, etc) don’t assume he gets it. He might cancel a date due to work not realizing you’ve spent all afternoon doing hair and nails and outfit selection.
When it comes to letting him know what you need, treat him like a provider. Give him a reason that you need what you need. Let him know what it will do for you. For example, you can say something like It will make me happy if you do X. This lets him know what doing X will do for you (make you happy). Whenever he does provide what you need make sure to be appreciative and acknowledge his efforts. One of the greatest things you can do to keep him attracted is make him feel like he is appreciated and capable of providing you what you need. He needs to know he can make you happy otherwise he will give up trying and meander off elsewhere.
Keep texts short and sweet when it comes to needs
When it comes to sending a text message about needs, it is usually a mistake. These are things better discussed in person. But if you do need to express a need on text because for example you are not seeing one another or taking a break from one another, be sure to state what you need specifically. And most importantly, keep it simple and limited to one or two text messages. Let him know succinctly then don’t badger him. Trust me he gets your texts and reads them and you don’t have to bash him other the head with it.
Be clear and concise. Asking to talk is always poison to a man so if that is what you want then qualify it with something assuring. For example, Can we talk about X, don’t worry there’s nothing wrong, Im not upset with you. Remember, if he feels like he is going to be confronted he won’t want to talk. If he feels like you are emotionally stable, calm, and positive, he will be willing to talk. When you do talk make sure to frame it in a manner that you let him know you appreciate the things he does do.
Frame it nicely, e.g. There’s something I need that I don’t think you know about
Another approach rather than the cold let’s talk is to let him know that there is something you need. If you don’t assume he knows about it and is failing you, then you are in a better position to ask. He may not know, and now you are letting him know. This is a great approach because you aren’t starting off blaming him or accusing him of failing. You’re letting him know that he may be unaware but you need X.
Another workable version of this is There’s something I need that I just found out about. That’s a good one too. You can try this also: There’s something I need that I’ve been hesitant to tell you about. This also sets up a good frame because it assumes you don’t expect him to be a mind reader and that you just haven’t made one of your needs known.
Don’t be scared to tell a man what you need
Don’t be scared to tell a man what you need. Your best approach is to not secretly blame him for being selfish if he doesn’t meet your needs without you spelling them out. You might think what you need is so basic that he’s selfish for not getting it all on his own, but that won’t help your cause. What will help your cause is to assume he’s oblivious or distracted as opposed to selfish. This puts you in a good frame of not being upset with him or disappointed in him.
Even if you think it should go unsaid, if a need is not being met you should let him know simply, concisely, and clearly what you need and what it will provide for you if he meets that need. Once you’ve told him, then it’s up to him to be a provider for you. If he provides what you need, make sure to express true appreciation for his efforts. This will reinforce him and make him more apt to listen to your needs and accommodate him. Asking nicely is way better than sweeping needs under the rug for fear of coming across as needy.
How to tell a man what you need without feeling like you’re needy
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