How to tell if a guy is a player through text

Are you wondering if the guy you are dating is a player? Did you type “How to tell if a guy is a player” into Google search? It is quite easy to see if you are dealing with a player. Looking at his texting routine makes it pretty obvious and consequently his texts or lack of texts can be quite telling.

Women inherently know when they are dealing with a player, but they choose to go into denial over it for a long time because they are put under a spell of wishful thinking. They want him to be relationship material. They want him to be the man of their dreams. They want him to be the hot boyfriend with the great body. They want to show him off.  Even though he is the furthest thing from commitment potential you could possibly imagine, wishful thinking sets in and clouds what you really know deep down.

If you have that nagging feeling that you are dating a player, you probably are. Female instincts are great on this front and in fact, it’s when you brush these intuitions under the rug that it starts to make you crazy. Before you become a sucker for all of his excuses and stories riddled with lies and omission, read on. Here are three sky is blue signs through text message that yes in fact he is a player.

A week slips by before you hear from him

One type of player is a man who is dead set on playing with various woman, period. Another type of player is a guy who has pigeon-holed you in particular as someone he is not interested in getting serious with. He might like you enough to hang out and get frisky, but for a variety of reasons some of which you might never know, he does not want you as a girlfriend.  Maybe you have baggage, aren’t young enough, aren’t employed enough, simply aren’t his ideal type, or are geographically undesirable.  With either type of player, one who is playing with all the women he sees or one who has pegged you as someone not appropriate to get serious with, you will see very clear signs of his intentions through text.

This is the guy who can easily let a week slip by without talking to you. This is the guy who can wait days until you break down and text him, and only then does he resurrect and become responsive. This is the guy who you may not hear from as Friday and Saturday nights slip by week after week. This is the guy who can wait hours or even days to respond to your text messages. This is the guy who is always busy, even too busy to return a text message in the same day it was received. This is the guy who does not call you up on the phone but rather relies on text communication.

If a guy is a player you are going to see it very clearly through text. He won’t be compelled to call you up and even on text message he won’t be compelled to text you very often. Because he is elusive, this type of man is going to get you chasing after him. His texts, when he finally bothers to text you, are going to be very valuable to you and you will be jumping at the phone when you finally hear from him. He wants it that way. He wants to keep a minimum of communication and commitment but meanwhile know that if a week or two slips by that he can text you up and you’ll be ready to go.

The scarcity of texts and communications has this bizarre way of making you more into him. Pretty soon you are the one contacting him to fill in the vacuum. But what does this teach him? It teaches him he does not have to lift a finger. He can put his energies into meeting and dating other women and you’ll still be texting him guaranteed. The bottom line: your affection is free and he needn’t work for it.

You can’t pin him down for plans

A player is very difficult to pin down for plans. You aren’t going to know if you are seeing him that weekend and he is not going to set up plans very far in advance. Plans are going to be rare, spontaneous, and involve little to no expenditure of money on his part.

When you can’t pin him down for plans, he is a player. This is a person who is not going to allocate his prime time weekend free time to you. He is going to keep all options open. He might have other girlfriends, cool places to go, and other people to hang out with. You are at the bottom of his social totem pole. You won’t know what he is up to and it will seem like he is always busy. When you find yourself sitting through an entire weekend, being lucky if he deigns to see you on a sunday afternoon, he is a player. Trust me he has plans on Friday and Saturday night, they just don’t involve you.

Players will stall out plans with various tactics such as, not texting back to confirm, saying he will get back to you and then failing to do so, and restricting plans to hangouts. Plans are going to be last-minute and he will always seem to be somewhere prior to your plans. It’s called night-splitting and he will do it often. Somehow or another, he will always have some pat excuse for getting together with you after 10pm and making plans the very day he sees you.  The typical setup will be that he is busy with the buddies beforehand or working late, and can only stop by later on.

Players know exactly what pure physical relationships are and they know what the corresponding hook-up protocol is too.   They know how to act in such a relationship and they stick to the standard routine.  They don’t plan in advance, they don’t spend daytime hanging out with you, and they don’t meet the people in your life.  Trust me they follow a certain playbook of contact and behavior and they follow it on purpose. What they accomplish with this is that they send you a clear unspoken message about how limited in scope your relationship is and how little you actually mean to them, without even having to be mean and say it!

If they never take you out, never make plans in advance, act flaky in texting you back, and refuse to spend prime-time Friday or Saturday nights with you, they are telling you that they are not interested! If you start to question them or struggle and flip like a fish with them, they just avoid your tossing and turning and stick even more ruthlessly to the hookup playbook. 

As long as you go along with the players routine, they will deal with you but nevertheless hold you entirely responsible for your own emotional well being.  You’re an adult, the writing is on the wall, and you either accept or reject the situation.  They aren’t going to feel sorry for you but they make think you are downright stupid when you continue to delude yourself that the relationship is going somewhere.  You can’t recover respect where there was none in the first place.  The sooner you learn that there is no winning with a player, the better off you will be.

A guy who is a player is literally going to go out of his way not to act with common decency. He will text you some convoluted thing when its 10 times easier to just pick up the phone and call you. It will make no sense to you, but it will to him. He knows what the protocols are for a physical relationship and he will stick to them even if he has to make an effort to do so, just to send you the message that you can’t expect squat from him.

Seriously, a player is a you-know-what that needs to be flicked off fast but instead you will find yourself quick-sanding into the vortex of hell trying to ride an already dead and keeled over horse into a relationship finish line.

He only responds to dirty talk and flirtation, and mostly ignores you otherwise

A guy who is a player is just not that interested in you. So his game is going to be based on a desire to train you to be available to him when he needs a plan B while requiring as little expenditure of effort as possible. He tries to manage that delicate balance of disappearing and then coming back to give you a crumb. If he has you hooked, he knows it. Now he starts to train you that he is only going to respond to certain types of contact. In this way he can bottle you down to being nothing more than a sexual object to him.

The way he does this, is by going radio silent when you ask him life questions like how he is, what he is up to, and well anything about real life. If you ask him something mundane, you won’t get a response. He also won’t call or text message you out of the blue asking how you are. Instead, it will always be action oriented. If he wants to set up a time where he can fool around with you for free, he will text you. Otherwise he won’t.  If he needs an ego boost or is inbetween women he will contact you, otherwise he won’t.

If you text him anything that smacks of friendship or relationship, he will flat-line you. But, if you send him flirtation photographs or sexy messages, he will rise from the dead and come to life. Think what this is saying. I only want to hear from you or contact you when it has to do with naughty and physical things. Trust me if you stop flirting with him and offering yourself up to him, you will rarely hear from this guy.

A guy that is into you, will be interested in what happened at your doctor’s appointment. He will say happy birthday to you. A guy that is playing you, won’t even be paying attention to your life, doctor visits, or days of meaning to you. A player does one thing really well, he plays dead on all the things that matter and he only comes to life when it’s about fooling around at his own convenience. A player is all about him, him, him.

A player is going to peg you for a certain type of relationship and he is going to evade and disappear if you press him for more. He is going to train you that he is only interested in a physical relationship with you. He is going to minimize his contact with you and you are not going to be any sort of priority in his life. If he rarely texts you, is a total flake about plans, disappears for a week or more without missing you, and is only responsive to flirtatious texts, he is a player.

OK so now you see clearly now that you’ve been writing excuse after excuse and rationalizing away his alarmingly obvious modus operandi. He is a player. Sadly, if you really like the guy, and can’t ignore the fact that he is a player anymore, you tend to go down a new road of rationalizations and wishful thinking. It’s called phase two, and it’s when you start to type questions into google such as “Can a player change” or “How to tame a player”.  Give up because he won’t change, not for you anyways.

Wishing a player can change is doomed, and is covered in a follow-on article but suffice it to say that once a man has pegged you into a physical based relationship slot, you will never get out of it with that guy. He might change and he might tame himself eventually but not for you. The only women he will change for are the ones who demanded respect in the first place. And even with them, he can very easily wind up a cheater.

Guy is a player


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