People tend to know when things are going “off” in a relationship. The most obvious way to know that you are texting too much is to just look at your number of texts every month. If you’re texting more then they are and sending more than ten texts a day then its definitely overkill. But beyond just counting texts there are more subtle cues that you can pick up from your partner and how responsive they are to your texting.
Call it women’s intuition in the case of women, or just a hunch in the case of men, but you do pick up on subtle emotional nuances. Sometimes you brush these so called red flags under the rug for the sake of being optimistic about a promosing relationship. You essentially just keep on doing what you’re doing without thinking about how the other person is percieving it.
The problem is, red flags are red flags. It can pay off to notice them and be perceptive about the ebbs and flows of your relationship. Flirting on text can quite quickly become hounding someone on text. This article is going to give you a few tips offs that you might be texting your boyfriend (or girlfriend, either one) too much. If you notice it happening, you might want to take a step back and give you partner some breathing space.
Have realistic texting expectations since the honeymoon phase will not last forever
Have you ever heard of the honeymoon phase? The honeymoon phase of a relationship is that period of time when you first meet someone with whom you have good chemistry. If you both like each other, then it’s on. You’ll be texting quite a bit during this time period. Even men go over the moon and if they initially are very interested in a woman they will text her a few times throughout the day just to say hello. It’s almost like they can’t resist.
The key to the honeymoon phase is to recognize that it won’t last for ever and to know ahead of time that after it ends and things settle down, you can expect less texting. By lowering your expectations and expecting a natural petering off of fervent texting, you’ll be more realistic.
For men the honeymoon phase when they are texting the most is before there is any intimacy. This state is almost trace-like for men. They’ll text and text like babies but after intimacy happens they snap to and become their real selves and behave as normal. Their brain clicks in and they won’t be walking with their hands in front of them in a spell cast trance, texting.
For women the honeymoon phase happens after the initial intimate encounter. That’s when the woman starts to wander around in a spell bound trance wanting to text every second like a love slave. Blame it on love or those love chemicals, but women want to text like crazy after intimacy. That’s why dating advice books such as Why men Marry Bi-tches recommend that women pretend as though nothing happened after intimacy and go on about their business as usual. Men love that no big deal attitude but it flies in the face of biology and is far easier said than done.
Now that you know that men are going to tend to text more at the outset of a relationship and that women are going to tend to text more after intimacy bonding, you’ll understand that there are going to be natural ebbs and flows to the texting. Be prepared for those subtle changes and you’ll be less likely to become disturbed when texting patterns change over the natural course of a relationship. Now, here are a few more hints that you can pick up on that texting might be venturing out of whack.
Take a hint when the person acts put off by your texts
If you get the incling that a person is put off by your texting or bothered by your texting then take heed. This is your first emotional warning sign that you might be impeding on that persons peace and quiet. If they are suspiciously telling you they are busy or that they will get back to you, or if they don’t get back to you rather quickly, then you might be impinging on them. Try to pick up on these subtle hints and quiet down a bit. If you do the oppossite and text more then you really risk putting your partner off. Once you’re labeled as an obsessive texter or a pest you’ll never get a man to vanquish that opinion of you.
Get a clue when the person gets annoyed by your texts
You can tell a person is getting annoyed by your texts when they tell you. If you start to hear comments such as busy, talk to you later or don’t bother me, or don’t text so much, then they really mean business. Don’t ignore it and keep badgering them. An example of badgering would be continuing to text further questions such as why, you sick of me or why what are you so busy with, or i haven’t texted you all day, and so on, it is a recipe for trouble.
It’s also a recipe for trouble if you stew on such don’t text me I am busy blow off comments and then let it rip later. You don’t want to badger someone, yet at the same time you don’t want to feel like you are entering a silence contest just to be with someone.
Women have a tendency to want to text about nothing just to reach out and touch the person. It’s affection. You must understand though that men are more goal oriented and they may not like to do that. They may not want to text about nothing. They may want to text only about actionable items such as plans to get together. Men are more oriented towards basic goals as opposed to women who like to be emotional. Be careful about texting meaningless texts to a man because he’ll be inclined to not respond. After all, what is he really supposed to say to How are you when you just asked them pretty much the same thing a few hours earlier? He’s fine and doesn’t want to disclose to you that he used to restroom, ate a burrito and procrastinated for an hour reading emails. He may even be thinking in the back of his mind, wow get a life.
Getting a don’t text me funnel muzzle slapped on your texting mouth is no fun so use it but don’t abuse it. If your loved one is getting annoyed by your texts you may want to text less or if you must, talk about it gently when you are together and try to get it resolved before you head for trouble in text heaven.
Learn to back off when the person responds way less by your texts
A person will initially get put off by your texts and most likely they will say something to you. If what they say goes over your head then they will usually take the next avenue of capping you off which is that they respond less to your texts. Call it game playing and call it what you will, people you’re texting to much won’t take it lying down. They might dislike distractions at work and have a valid reason to tell you stop.
It won’t take long for them to realize they have the upper hand in communication and interest level and they’ll start to subconsciously run experiments on you by ignoring your texts, blowing you off, answering way later and so on.
Sometimes when they ignore your texts it’s just a gentle way of them telling you without outright telling you that they don’t want to hear from you as much. It can have good intentions but it can be rather passive aggressive too. The bottom line however is that if a person is toying with you because your texts are starting to intrude they aren’t faking it. Your texts are intruding and they are just left holding the bag trying to conduct experiments as to how to get you to take a hint and back off. They’ll try anything to get you to stop from telling you, ignoring you or even warning you of repercussions. The best thing for you is to hear the message, absorb it, not let it get you down, and then use self control to text less.
You’re getting pigeon holed when the person sensors your texts
When the person sensors your texts there usually is some sort of break down in the relationship happening. A perfect example of this would be if your partner completely ignores all texts in which you appear to be complaining, aka bit-ching. It’s sort of like giving you the silent treatment. They decide to sensor you. If he or she is just going to rag on me I am going to ignore them as an effing response. This type of behavior can lead to fights. Even though you’ll be tempted to engage and text more and more what you should probably do is abort mission and text less. After all, what good does a text war really do your relationship?
With men particularly, their conscience lags somewhat behind their behavior. It can take a man a while, weeks even, to let their conscience catch up to them and apologize or acknowledge some heinous behavior. Women on the other hand want to kick up the dirt right away. A man can think for weeks silently and then finally distill all that down into one simple text such as What’s up (they miss you). A woman on the other hand, can think billions of thoughts and text her way through her own brain cell by cell. It can take her hundreds of texts to spit out an actual thought. She likes to think out loud and text the incremental thought process all along the way.
If he is sensoring your texts you might be thinking out loud and overloading him with messages. If she is ignoring you, you might be acting too clingy and losing your alpha status with her. Either way, once someone starts to sensor out texts a fight may well ensue. When you get into silent treatment and sensoring it leads to nowhere good. You might want to abandon texting as a means of communicating with the person and see if they pick up the phone to call you.
One last way you could get sensored is if someone decides they are only interested in one type of relationship with you. If your boyfriend only responds to naughty texts or images, and doesn’t respond to every day life texts, then you know that he is slotting you into a particular type of relationship category. Sure men love to flirt but when flirting is absolutely the only thing you are doing on text message it’s a really bad sign. Try changing the subject and seeing if the person even cares about what you say. You’ll have your answer quite quickly if you do that. If someone sensors you to only flirting and can’t tick along with you on normal conversations, then they just aren’t interested in you.
Hopefully these tips will help you pick up on the subtle signs from your partner or lover that you are texting too much. The first and foremost tip is to understand that texting frequency will ebb and flow naturally in a relationship. Expect more texting at the outset of the relationship and after intimacy than later on when you become the real you and everyday life sets in.
Next be observent of emotional cues from your partner. If you notice they are becoming regularly put off by your texts, getting annoyed by your texts, responding less to your texts, and even sensoring your texts it’s time to take note. This isen’t just the natural ebb and flow. These are signs that your texting might be starting to bother the person. You might want to talk to them about it at a convenient time (but not on text) or simply text them less and see what happens from there. Hopefully if you follow their lead, your texting patterns will be frenetic at the outset of a love affair, then as time goes on gently settle down into a comfortable, easy and natural flow after the honeymoon phase ends.