I am upset by my girlfriend’s text messaging

Are you in a relationship with a woman where you have trust issues and are upset by her text messaging?  Some men who are insecure or nervous about trusting their girlfriend will read their girlfriends text messages or IM messages on the sly.  If they don’t like the conversations that their girlfriend is having with friends or with ex boyfriends, it can cause serious damage to the trust levels and even end the relationship.

Trust issues will wreck your relationship

If you have trust issues and are pushy and inquisitive about your girlfriend’s texting, the odds are that your behavior will cause the relationship to have problems more than anything untrustworthy that she is doing.  If you want to act insecure and nosy you are going to have to be with a very patient woman who can put up with such shenanigans and she will likely be turned off by it.

If your trust issues are invading her text message privacy you might need to read up on how to cope with insecurity.  If you are constantly badgering her about who is texting her and what friends or ex lovers she communicates with the odds are you will drive her bananas.  That will lead to her complaining to her friends or ex’s about your possessive behavior and then if you stumble on those texts you are likely to flip out.  It breeds a never ending cycle.

If you were to wiretap someone’s phone or listen to all of their texts without them knowing then you would almost surely find inciminating information.  Some women communicate their relationship concerns to friends and family so if she is discussing you to them and then you intercept those messages you are likely to go ballistic.  What ever she is saying is not for your eyes. 

When things are going good she might say nothing at all however she might gossip with friends when things aren’t going good.  For example if you’re thinking about getting a divorce you’ll be likely to be talking about it a lot, but if your marriage is going great it wouldn’t even get brought up.  Therefore, if you listen in to these conversations you’re likely to intercept the worst of it and get a warped view of what is going on.  Maybe she is venting to others because she doesn’t want to upset you.

The problem with being upset by your girlfriends texting to family, friends and ex’s is that you get a warped view, it will drive you crazy, you’ll probably hear her girl talk which will include relationship concerns, and you can’t control what she says so why try.  It usually causes damage to snoop both because you don’t trust her and she’ll know it and because you’ll find information you don’t like.

Stick to the relationship you have with her

Instead of snooping under the rug try to stick to the prize, which is your relationship with her.  Keep focusing on all of the positive aspects of your relationship with her.  If you focus on making your relationship work with her then she’ll likely be happier and have less reason to talk behind your back.  Girls always talk more than guys so she might gossip way more than you ever would.  Even though it bothers men that girls share personal relationship stuff the fact of the matter is that they do. 

Girls tend to gossip and use friends as sounding boards

You could always ask her about her texting and tell her that you wish she wouldn’t gossip about you to friends.  But to spy on her undercover then become untrusting is counter productive.  Some people flirt more than others.  You could flirt with an ex boyfriend who lives on the other side of the coast and who you haven’t seen for years nor ever will.  You might even use them as a scratching post to complain about present relationships.  Don’t assume her text buddy is a threat because he may be totally harmless.

Some ex’s become life long friends so don’t jump to conclusions

Some girlfriends or boyfriends stay connected on facebook and social networks.  They might talk about personal junk with no intention of ever being back together.  Nowadays you can stay really connected on the social like Facebook and Reunion, etc.  An ex boyfriend you dated a decade ago could become almost like a girlfriend for women.  First they friend up on facebook, next thing you know they are occasional text buddies. They might text each-other about relationships or dating gossip.  She might just use him like a friend and to a get a trusted male perspective.  To a spy it could sound like something it is not.

If there is really suspicious behavior then your gut instinct will tell you and therefore if you think your suspicians have a basis to them, ask her directly.  If you listen carefully to what she says you’ll get just as much or more information than you would get from spying on her on the sly and invading her privacy.  Focus on the positive and see what the future brings.  Only time will tell.


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