You may have met your boyfriend through online dating, and had an initial few weeks of communications with him where every thing was going great. Maybe you had a great first date and really clicked well. Then you start to see each other and date eachother for several weeks and it seems like you are getting on great. Suddenly and seemingly out of the blue, he decides that he is finished with you. When you dig for the reason, he claims that you were texting him too much.
Men can communicate Less
Men can speak around two thousand words a day as compared to women’s nine thousand words a day! Translated to texting, that means a man would be perfectly happy with less than a third of the texting that you do. He could text you about 20% of the frequency that you text him and be perfectly content with that. Anything beyond that, and he might view you as being needy and annoying. Guys don’t like to feel like you need constant reassurance every 4 or 5 hours. They dont’ want to have to give you emotional boosts all day long so that you are OK and that you will be OK. They want you to be OK on your own and guess what, you being OK on your own creates attraction which is a good thing.
Don’t mentally torture yourself or let him on to the fact that you are mentally tortured
If he tells you that you are over texting and asks you not to keep texting, you need to respect that. If you start to over analyze it and mentally mind f-ck yourself over it he will certainly take note of your toiling. He may even start to think of you as that psyco girl. You don’t want to be having all of your little compulsive thoughts out loud do you? He likely does not want a woman grappling all over him for reassurance and support.
Wind down your texts. Let the texting frequency be determined by what he is comfortable with and just follow his lead. Don’t take over and act like the man who is driving the relationship because it will make him turn and run for the hills. If you freak out and over analyze it and obsess and try to suck him into talking about it he will get put off. Over thinking and worrying can be really destructive to your relationship. If you are freaking out about his simple request then what else will you freak over? He is going to get tired of dealing with you and quick.
Men want to feel a natural attraction to the person that comes from within. They want to feel drawn to the person. Invading into their mental head space won’t help them feel something. They don’t want to create problems that have to be dealt with. If you change the texting, and just focus on enjoying time spent together, you will be better off. If your communication styles are so different that you can’t even get along on that front, he may not be right for you on the one hand. On the other hand, it is a valuable tool for you to be able to see if you can adapt to his preferences and demonstrate compromise and the ability to change your behavior for the sake of keeping your relationship.
When something clicks in a mans mind, it is hard to unclick it
When men reach the point of being frustrated with someone, it is really hard to go back. Especially in an internet dating scenario there are thousands of other boxes to click. If he feels like you invade his personal space by texting him too much, all he has to do is move on to next. If he’s only been dating you for a short period, he may have little emotional investment and figure that now is as good a time as any to pull out. In fact, he knows its easier to pull out now. And since he is seeing something he does not like in you, he may opt out early rather than getting more enmeshed.
Instant Ewww is something that happens when you manage to turn a guy off and seriously, something clicks in his mind that you aren’t relationship material. Women tend to be self-centric in their dating relationships. They date the man and the entire time are judging whether this man is right for them, them, them. I am guilty of that. In doing so, they fail to recognize that the man is testing them out and silently weighing their girlfriend relationship potential. The entire time the dating is going on, they too are analyzing you and how you make them feel. They too are making some determination in their mind as to what category you fall into. The woman gets blindsided by some conclusion the man comes to, but he’s been drawing up that conclusion by watching how you act with him. Single women who are dating totally underestimate men and fail to realize that the man they’ve been seeing is also thinking and feeling. He has been thinking the whole time too.
Pretty much any slip up you do could be reason enough for an instant ewww to go off in the mans head to where you become all of a sudden no longer girlfriend material. Once this happens it is really hard to change his mind through some behavior of your own. Texting him will not change his mind and will probably only serve to drive him away.
One of my guy friends once told me something that women just don’t get. He said, all you need to do is sit back and let him do what he is going to do. You don’t need to over analyze it, obsess about it, or torture him about it for that matter. You just watch his behavior and what he is willing to give you on his own free will without you putting pressure on. From that alone, you judge the relationship. You decide, if this is enough for you or not. My friends viewpoint is that you don’t even engage him in the discussion, you just watch. It really represents the male viewpoint on relationships. He doesn’t necessarily engage you in discussions, he just watches how you are and feels what he feels when he is around you. Women would be wise to understand my friends totally male viewpoint and learn from it.
You just watch the pattern and decide if you like it enough to keep going with it. In that way, you are never putting pressure on the man but still holding your own cards. If he is not giving enough, you opt out. In other words, you watch him and make your own decisions. It speaks to how men act in relationships. In fact, he watched you for several weeks, decided that you texted to much, mentioned it once and you didn’t change, decided you weren’t going to change, and opted out. So you see, my friend suggests viewing the relationship in simplified logical terms.
To answer the question about changing the way he sees you after texting too much, its almost impossible to change the opinions he formulates. Back off with the texting and let him opt out as he wishes. If he comes back around then make a decision if he is giving you enough or not. If not, then YOU be the one to opt out. This is going to create more attraction in him than you realize. If he sees that you will opt out if he only gives you communicaton crumbs, he might pick up the pace. It is the only way to re-create attraction that draws him in again.