I want my ex boyfriend back yet he already has a new girlfriend

Are you secretly pining over your ex boyfriend yet he already has a new girlfriend?  Are you wondering if he still has love for you?  Here are a few tips for improving your chances to get back with your ex boyfriend even though he already has a new girlfriend.

If he already has a new girlfriend don’t keep contacting him

You may be pining over your ex boyfriend yet lets remember a few facts here.  He saw fit to leave you, meet someone else, get involved with someone else, and now he is even the boyfriend of someone else. 

Obviously, he had no problem going into the wild blue yonder and choosing someone else that was not you.  Bottom line, he wasn’t very good to you and thought he could do better elsewhere.  He chose to get involved with a whole brand new person.  If you are even contemplating trying to get him back you must do so with some serious reservations.  He clearly was not committed to you and had the ability to literally replace you.

For the above reasons it is really not wise to contact your ex.  If you were texting him you should stop. If he is with someone else then you should not contact him. Count your texts and if you are sending more than one text in a month to him, its one too many. Remember, he’s sleeping with another woman! Do you need to be texting after him when he is doing that? No, you do not need to text him. He’s doing what he’s doing, he methodically chose to do it, and no amount of texts is going to sway his decision.  In fact if you text and text him he’s going to feel all the more justified in having kicked you to the curb.  He has turned his back on you and you should not minimize the strong statement he made.

If you contact an ex too soon about getting back together you risk lapsing into a half way there twilight zone of a relationship where he is still emotionally involved with the new girlfriend.  If you try to steal him back or wreck his relationship by secretly meeting up with him, you might be the one to get hurt.  He might use you and decide to stay with her.  It is a bad idea to get yourself sucked into a triangulation situation where another woman is clearly not out of the picture.  You might be tempted to butt in and be insidious to wreck it with the new woman but thinking twice.  Your efforts to undermine his new relationship and prove to yourself you can still connect on a physical level with him may ultimately backfire on you.

A man that is juggling the affections of two women will claim not to like the situation but in reality deep down his ego will get a big boost over having two different women emotionally invested in him.  He’s already chosen to be with this new woman, presumably he does get intimate and physical with her, and he spends time with her.  Do you really want to inject yourself into that sort of situation?  What if they get into a fight and he comes back to you the doormat.  You think you’re getting him back but trust me the new woman will not disappear so quickly.  By morning he may well run back to her.  He’s all over the place if he’s still thinking about the both of you and all he can really be capable of doing at this point is hurting you.

If he is already dating someone new, injecting yourself into the picture will not help.  There will be too much jealousy and too many emotions and you will get sucked into a petty catfight and you won’t get him back successfully.  Any fight you have or argument you have about her will only serve to drive him right back into her arms.  Also if you are angry you will likely bad mouth his new woman and this won’t go over well with him.  Obviously he likes her enough to get involved with her so your cutdowns will just make him want you out of his new little life bubble.

The best thing to do if he is already with someone new is to back off and take care of yourself.  Give it plenty of time, plenty.  Let his relationship with her play out completely.  If it doesn’t work out with him and her, and plenty of time has passed, them consider talking to him again about what went wrong with the two of you.  Believe it or not the more time you’ve had apart the better the chances are of having a real concilation between you two, not just a hump and dump when he looks for a temporary ego stroke upon encountering a little trouble in his new paradise with her.

Detach yourself from his new relationship with her and stay out of the love triangle

Your best chance is to steer clear and just let their relationship play itself out.  Try to focus on your own life, getting some things done, bettering yourself, or even dating if you feel like it.  Block yourself from emailing him, texting him, snooping his face-book and inspecting his new girls photographs.  Try to just zipper the two of them out of your life completely and for a good long while.

Remember, that his new girl is a shiny new toy.  She seems so much better than you because with her he is actually trying to make it work.  He’s committed to her right now for whatever reason.  His relationship is totally fresh with her and that’s exciting.  He is not suffering from the same boredom or loneliness you are and that puts him into a totally different mental mindspace.  His new girlfriend is on overdrive working to flatter him and please him in any way possible.  Trust me she wants to keep you out of the picture and is likely bending over backwards with him.  There is no way to compete with it.

Let his new relationship play completely out start to finish, before ever trying to get him back

Your only hope is to stay out of it and let their honeymoon phase play itself out completely.  Eventually, the realities of their relationship will set in.  Problems will start to surface.  If he chooses to stay with her and be committed to her, you will slowly realize that you need to move on yourself.  But if he starts to have trouble in paradise you’ll know that eventually you’ll have your chance to get him back.

The entire time he is in a relationship you’ll hate yourself thinking that you have to be patient and excruciatingly lonely while he is happily involved with built in plans every Friday and Saturday night.  Surviving the weekends alone will be the hardest.  You do have to have patience and this is why it can really be useful to create other distractions in your life.  Get your house redone, cleaned up, or go on a complete beauty or workout kick.  Try to stay busy.

Try to adopt a casual attitude and divorce yourself from thinking I want my boyfriend back immediately.  Don’t get back together with him if he just breaks up with her or gets into a quarrel with her.  Because he may be looking for some ego soothing and run right back to her.  You have to let their relationship play itself out completely.  If it crashes and burns in the end and if he becomes completely single again, only then consider taking up with him.  You need to be sure he is completely done with her and it can take a long, long time.

Stay busy not bitter so that when you do get your chance to get him back, you won’t blow it because you harbor anger over being hurt by him

If you do too much sitting around while he is together with her then you will likely become bitter, very bitter.  You will have so much anger that he had emotional support all this time while you were hung out to dry alone, that you won’t be able to get over the anger.  Anger will lead to resentment and then when you do have your chance to get back with him you will blow it.  There will be too much bad blood.  You won’t be able to forget what he did and no matter how much you want to makeup you’ll still be angry and it will come out and destroy your chances for reconciliation.

This is why you must, literally must, get busy with something productive.  Even if its not dating new people, you must find something useful to do.  Now would be the time to redo your wardrobe, change hair color, go on a heath and fitness kick, get some beauty treatments or even a cosmetic procedure you always wanted.  Get something done. 

Get something accomplished that you will look back at and take pride in.  This is so important because when you actually do get your chance to reconcile with your ex, you won’t be as bitter about all the time you sat around while he was off into the sunset with a new woman.  Lastly, if he really does fall in love with the new woman, you’ll at least have gotten something accomplished and be better equipped to deal with it and move on yourself.

If you’re serious about wanting him back then don’t throw in the towel.  90% of the time if what you had was strong you will get a chance to be with him again.  Just don’t do so as a doormat to his new relationship.  The last thing you want to do is allow yourself to go from girlfriend, to ex girlfriend, to being the other woman to his new girlfriend.  That’s why you need to remove yourself from his new relationship until its dead and over with.  Refuse to become part of a love triangle. 

Distance yourself and go do your own thing no matter how painful it feels.  Let their relationship completely and totally play itself out before making any moves.  Make sure the new girlfriend is long gone before you attempt to get him back.  Stay busy so that you avoid becoming bitter over the breakup.  Once he realizes his new relationship had its own set of problems and he processes that completely, he may be more open for a real reconciliation.  That is what you want – a real reconciliation and not just a rebound, fallback, temporary stop, ex/friends with benefits, casual sex, or hookup. 

Be patient and don’t take him back unless he is serious about making things work because it takes two

Have patience, act casual and independent, don’t dig for information on the new woman, and just improve yourself.  Don’t criticize the new girl.  Don’t talk to him and don’t try to convince him to leave her.  Let his relationship play itself out.  If you are meant to be together it just won’t work out with him and the new girl.  If he has time to get through that entire new relationship he might realize that he misses you too.  Then you can start to execute your plan to get him back by becoming friendly with him again.  Don’t get physical unless he is serious about trying to reconcile with you.  Respect his decision to leave and don’t berate him over what happened. 

If you want your ex boyfriend back it is critical to remember that it takes two

This is critical: it takes two to make something work out. You can’t get him back just because you want him back. It’s not just about you. If you get back by groveling, begging, cajoling or convincing, he won’t be in it for real and you’ll wind up being the fallback girl. Makes sure he wants to get back with you as well because it is going to take two. Without his head in the game it will not work. If you do consider going back make absolutely sure he is on the same page as you before you go there.

Have good boundaries.  You’ve survived this far so don’t allow him to treat you poorly this go around. He left you once and in order to regain your trust he is really going to have to prove himself. Don’t take him back just because he shows back up on your doorstep.  Don’t reward him for leaving you high and dry by giving yourself back him back to him on a silver platter.  If he knows he can go off and spend time getting to know other woman and can still have you back he will be tempted to do this to you again when another opportunity arises.   Don’t train him that he can take you for granted and still get you back. Make him work hard to regain your trust. Good luck!


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