Have you ever had a man disappear on you after you thought you had a wonderful connection with him. And then you obsessed on it and became obsessed with him and what may have gone wrong? Sometimes, its because the timing is not right for him. Sometimes, he can’t get closer because he isn’t emotionally ready to. But most of the time, its because something you said or did made him conclude that you aren’t relationship material for him.
Assuming you are in a relationship when you are not
What you said or did wrong, can often times be tied to a common mistake that women make when dating a new man. That mistake is that after a few dates or physical intimacy, they jump to the conclusion that they are in a relationship with him. If you act like you are in a relationship with him to the point where you are texting him all the time and having expectations on his time for plans and wanting to keep tabs on his whereabouts, it can really drive him away.
It’s that instant relationship syndrome where the woman takes off running into an imaginary relationship with him after everything seems to be going well. She completely skips all the conversations coming from him telling her that he wants to be exclusive and in a relationship with her. It’s something she single handedly concludes (without his input) just because things seem to be going well. Then she gets blindsided when he won’t spend his next Friday night with her.
Have your own life
Some men really want to be in a relationship and seek it out but others are more fickle and hard to tie down. They don’t want to give up their dating freedom and be cornered by a pushy woman. The way to avoid turning him off by acting like you are in an instant relationship is to focus on your own life and not his as much as you can. You don’t want to be texting him all the time and giving, giving, giving. It takes away his ability to give something to you.
If you feel yourself running away into an instant relationship fantasy land and texting a man who is really not even texting you back so much, then stop. Focus on your own life and try to leave him alone. Let him come to you and when he does leave him wanting more. The man needs to be able to enjoy giving his time and energy without being pushed into something too fast by the woman.
It is a really common behavior mistake that women make. So many women fall into this trap it is not even funny. Basically, it’s almost natural for women to fall into an instant relationship when they really, really like a man. It’s because they want a relationship. They think its going to happen and that it is happening. They want to text and touch base and spend more and more time with him. So they inadvertently pursue and make assumptions about their status with him.
It should also be pointed out that men can sometimes foster the instant relationship dilemma in the woman because they want to stay dating someone long enough to maybe get intimate with her. They might be on the fence but once they have more experience with her they decide they don’t want a relationship with this particular woman. Since they were going along with her program for a time and acting like things were progressing the woman can get somewhat duped.
Sadly, so many of us have to learn the hard way that assuming a relationship exists with a man when in fact it doesn’t can be a terrible turn off as far as men are concerned. If you feel like you are treading into instant relationship territory, stop texting him and try to avert focus onto your own life rather than his. Give him space and it will make it easier for him to come your way without feeling like he is being pressured.
It’s really a sad story when the one man you really were in love with was the man that you went crazy over and relentlessly pursued, texted, called, harranged and blew it with because you were so into him. Things like assuming a relationship when none has been discussed can send a promising romance onto a permanently bad trajectory. Once the bad dynamic is set, it may never recover. He may continue to see you but refuse to commit to you. It’s really sad and women who have lost men they were in love with will tell you all about their utter heartbreak.
Dating coaches and dating books advise that in the initial dating stages all that a woman needs to do is to let a man know that she appreciates the time he is spending with her. Then, leave it at that. If he knows you are glad when he shows up and that you appreciate him then he will continue to show up. When a woman is able to show appreciation, the man will crave her more and attraction will build.
|
