Interest level and how you may be creating a stalker or setting someone up for a heartbreak

Casual relationships that rely on text messages can get truly out of hand when one person likes the other much more.  When the interest level between the two people is out of whack, its a recipe for relationship and text message disaster.  That’s why you get text stalkers, crazies, obsession, and verbally abusive text wars out of these casual relationships and hookups.  Part of the problem is that these relationships are just what they are, which is casual.  If both people want casual, then there isen’t an issue.  Inevitably though, one or the other people in the casual union develops more feelings than the other and that’s where the problems set in. 

Unequal interest levels, a recipe for relationship disaster

This article talks about interest level or degrees of love.  Lets suppose you are single man for example, dating a woman.  And, your interest level in this particular women is below a certain threshold.  You like her, but she’s not knocking your socks off.  Now lets suppose that her interest level in you is way sky high.  In her mind, you’re it.  This inequity in interest may be a recipe for disaster.   Unequal interest levels can quickly turn into heartbreak for her.  The person with the lowest interest level (in this case the man) always controls the relationship.  If you just aren’t interested in her enough you may want to opt out sooner rather than later.  If you stick around, or string her along longer than necessary you could be developing creating your very own stalker in the worst case, or wind up breaking her heart in the best case.

Interest level.  Is she good enough or are you really just creating a stalker?

When you correspond with text, the person with the higher interest level can easily use those texts to imaginatively create a much bigger relationship than what really does exist.  Thats why, interest level is so important to gage.  In any romantic relationship, it is crucial for the man (or the woman) to be 100% clear about not just their interest level, but the interest level of the person they are hooking up with.  You might text her as an after-thought or in a lonely moment.  She might be waiting like a wide-eyed doggie stares at the dinner bowl, for that one text crumb you send.

Men especially tend to focus on their own interest level in a woman.  They evaluate whether she is good looking enough for them.  They evaluate if a woman is fun, loving, accomplished in her career, smart and cultured.  They look at the chemistry, affection and whole package of her.  They date her or continue to string her along if it suits them never considering that she may be getting drawn in deeper and deeper.

If your interest level is less than 50% then you probably shouldn’t even be with the person at all.  If your interest level is in the 60’s and you pretty much know deep in your heart that it won’t go up even into the 70’s or above, you should probably opt out.  Opting out is the nice thing to do because if you really know that it isen’t going to get higher no matter what she does then you are a total jerk to stay with the person and lead them on. 

Don’t be surprised when you string along a person you’re only interested in the 50’s of 60’s evolves into a stalker or a heart broken mess when you finally try to kick them to the curb.  If you create a train-wreck, you’re partly to blame.  You can’t be in a successful relationship with someone you’re only 63% interested in because you don’t care enough about them and will undoubtedly wind up treating them like dirt.

Get clarity

Before you continue to carry on with a woman (or man) that you are only mildly interested in, get clarity.  Figure out what your interest level in this person really is.  A perfect example is when a guy dates a girl who he likes but just doesn’t think she is attractive enough or up to his standards.  If after some introspection he realizes that she is always going to fall short of some superficial or even real qualities he’s looking for, then its time to opt out.  Why lead her on.

It’s good to remember that beauty is going to fade over the years so the attitude and connection you have with someone does count for a lot.  That being said, if the woman you are hooking up with just doesn’t have the qualities you are seeking and you don’t think she ever will, then do what you have to do.  The bottom line is that if you aren’t sure about someone then you need to analyze what your real interest level in them is.  If its too low and especially if their interest in you is disproportionately higher, you might want to cut them loose. 

If you string along a woman (or man) that you just aren’t interested in enough, someone is going to get hurt.  Don’t get selfish and assume that she’s the only one who will get hurt and have to deal with it.  Because she may wind up torturing you too.  Have you ever gotten a 1000 angry texts from a woman you strung along and never was interested in enough?  Prepare yourself for torture.

Interest level


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