Many online blogs now devote themselves exclusively to discussing topics of dating tips for women and relationship advice. The reason this blog gets into the topic of relationships is that texting is the main communication conduit with relationships, particularly in the early stages of dating. Non-exclusive relationships are run largely on text, no doubt about it. Call them casual relationships, dating without exclusivity, friends with benefits, no strings attached, hook ups, or whatever. These type of dating relationships do not involve monogamy. They are either early state where both parties are still dating others, or established where both parties sign on to still dating other people even though they get together. Casual relationships can lead to big emotional messes for at least one of the parties involved. Nonetheless, these relationships are often conducted on text message, and are becoming a common part of todays singles and dating culture.
Men let relationships play themselves out, unscripted
We all know that men are wired for the chase and that men tend to want to have more relationship experiences than women typically do. We also know that men’s biological drive will lead them into a variety of relationships and that for many men this is perfectly fine. A man who is dating around looking for the one is not going to stop himself from having some fun encounters along dating’s scenic route. And he may well enjoy the scenic route so much that he stays en route in search of Ms Right for years. Men are just better equipped to have a different attitude about dating and relationships. Sure if they find a woman that knocks their socks off then becoming exclusive is suddenly a good idea in their mind. But they don’t necessarily get there quickly nor do they even want to force it before they are ready. Obviously all men are different and some men are relationship oriented while others are not. Regardless of that fact, men are just better at playing relationships out to the bitter end than women are.
Women want to know the script
Women on the other hand want to know the script. Very soon into dating they want exclusivity and a commitment to becoming established as a monogamous couple. If the man they are dating acts sketchy, flaky or noncommittal, the women has to have the talk. She wants to know where she stands. When he tells her that he does not have a crystal ball she makes a calculation to either stay a little longer or go. Generally, she wants commitment from a man and pushes for it way sooner than the man does.
Dating coaches tell women not to push men directly for commitment too soon. They advise to let things play out and that the best commitment is when it comes naturally from the man himself. He has a feel a gut emotional attraction to her that makes him want to commit without being prodded or ultimatum-ed into it. The problem comes when women fake it and act like an uncommitted relationship is acceptable to them when in reality they are not OK with it and are getting hurt for the sake of trying to hang in there with a man.
An example of this would be a woman who is casually dating a man she meets online. They date but they are not exclusive. She tries to act cool about it when in reality what she really wants to do is break into his online dating account and delete his profile since he refuses to get off line. They text and get together but he still continues to look for other dates too. Pretty soon, she’s stalking when he was last on line, texting him constantly, fighting with him over it, and I’ve even heard of women creating fake internet dating profiles to bait him and spy on his online dating activities. What she really needs to do is either accept the relationships for what it is, or break up with a cad like this and not look back. Unfortunately, women fall hard and fast so leaving a man she bonds to is a lot easier said than done.
Since so many men are online dating, it pays to develop some modicum of nerves of steel for this new genre of casual dating. The atmosphere is a competitive jungle. Women who push a man after a few dates or romantic encounters may find themselves looking at a walk away Joe who moves onto the next women just a click away. A woman who can successfully date like a man and pick various men up and down until they get to know her and she stands apart from other women, reigns supreme. But she can’t be faking it, she has to have the tools to naturally attract men.
Can a woman benefit from adopting a man’s mentality?
Women tend to want to cut relationships off and move on when they either feel emotional pain, or can see that the relationship is not headed towards commitment on their desired time line. Generally speaking, this is a good thing because a woman with her biological clock ticking is going to want to weed out relationships that do not pose a solid promise of a future.
At the same time however, I notice that many blogs, and even dating books, are telling women to start dating like a man. That means, date different people, and let relationships play themselves out naturally rather than abandoning and giving up on relationships when they don’t seem to be going according to your agenda. There are even bloggers who give advice that if you feel like casually dating someone and are willing to risk the potential emotional pain, then do it. It is the you’ll never know unless you tried dating attitude, which is very much like how men tend to approoach dating. The idea is that if you are more than 50% inclined to occasionally see an ex for example, then they say just occasionally see the ex. It’s a follow your gut and if your gut says you want to see someone, just do it is the attitude to adopt. Dating coaches that used to advise women not to be romantic without commitment and quit out of a casual relationship, are now advocating to relax and see where it goes.
There is something to be said about letting things play out for a while. Because not everybody moves along the same time line in relationships. If you find yourself getting hurt dating a man that won’t commit, give it some time before rejecting that relationship. Sure you might get hurt but you also want to give it your best shot to make something work out. Instead of leaving a relationship that isn’t going your way, it can pay to have a man’s attitude for a while. Some relationships get to somewhere good on a circuitous route, and you’d never know that if you opted out too early. My advice would be if you are not sure opting out is the best choice, give it a little bit more time.
At a certain point, the relationship will reach a tipping point where you know it’s time to bail on it. I am not saying to ignore the tipping point. I’m saying it can work to your advantage to let the tipping point materialize organically rather than pushing for more. You might even want to back off a little and stall that tipping point in order to allow things a chance to play themselves out in due time. If you feel like you are starting to get hurt, but that the tipping point isn’t reached to opt out, consider backing off from the person rather than getting rid of the person. Get just enough distance you need to protect yourself and then let the relationship continue to evolve to where it becomes crystal clear weather you want to opt out or stay in longer.
Get together with the person a little less, text them less, and put yourself in the line of emotional fire less. You’re not throwing them out of your life, but you are creating an emotional safe zone to let things run their course. If you establish an emotional safe zone sometimes you can let a relationship play out for a bit longer so at least you can see where it leads. You do risk some pain because you’re taking a gamble that there is some promise of things developing further.
Do you think women should be more carefree, do what they feel, and let their cerebral cortex either catch up or take over later like men often do? Some women are trying it. I personaly think its risky and leading even more into the casual dating culture. If men can get women to intimacy within a few dates, what is their motivation for commitment? Sure people might get sick of casual dating but if it gets their needs met, they may enjoy the freedom of it. Women who get physical too soon and regret it later however, are putting themselves at risk of becoming one night stands and getting hurt.
Women who date casually and don’t get hurt by it at all are sometimes called black widows. Supposedly, black widows are some of the most attractive women there are to men! These are the women that don’t really need a man and do as they please, which in turn makes them unobtainable and even more attractive to men! If you can emotionally withstand it and be indifferent to men, then you pick them up and put them down easily. You don’t pressure them for commitment because you don’t care. A black widow also flaunts her beauty and makes absolutely no apologies for it.
If you’re a black widow by nature, good for you. You probably have plenty of men after you. If you try to become a black widow but it goes against who you are, then buyer beware. You may get emotionally trashed trying to do it. I think a black widow woman who is authentic and has a devil may care attitude could be a real turn on to men. But most women that try to act like they don’t care, are doing just that, acting. I don’t think you can fake a black widow dating attitude. You either inherently have it in you or you don’t. I suspect most successful black widows women are very beautiful and have numerous dating options. Then I suppose they can pick men up and put them down knowing that there will always be another man soon to follow. Must be fun for them but most women are just normal women who want boyfriends. Boyfriends who are loyal, get off line to be with them, and actually like them enough to treat them as a girlfriend.
Be true to yourself. Try to have a more carefree attitude about dating and give things a chance to evolve. At the same time, never compromise your standards or do anything which you are not absolutely comfortable with. Women can try to act like a man and pretend they don’t care about casual dating, but in reality they do get hurt. Just saying.