Is it the silent treatment or were you dumped by text?

You would think that most normal people that dump you will have the integrity to tell you why they are dumping you, and why they don’t want to talk to you.  Players, cowards, and people who have already moved on to someone new may not give you this courtesy and it is something that many have to face.  You don’t always get dumped with integrity.  With silent treatment it is really hard to tell if your ex is just mad and acting passive aggressive, or if your ex is truly dumping you.

Women especially tend to ask alot of questions and over-analyze and even assign all sorts of excuses as to why their ex-boyfriend won’t speak to them anymore.  Sometimes the ex is just very angry at the girlfriend (or boyfriend) and so they are using the silent treatmet to enact a grudge.  Silent treatmet is effective punishmet of course because it treats the person like they do not exist and leaves them staring into the phone with no response.  It is mean and can rip the recipient up emotionally as they grasp at straws trying to communicate with someone who has shut them down.

There is very little excuses as to why a man (or woman) will give you the silent treatment because it is so mean.  However there is one possibility as to why you may be getting the silent treatment.  It can be that your ex has told you in a number of ways through direct statements or his behavior that he is not interested in you enough to pursue the relationship further.  He may have given plenty of hints and signals for you to give up and move on but you continue to hang on still.  Sometimes when this happens the person decides to simply stop all communications with you until you literally get the point and disappear.  So the silent treatment can be a grudge, or it can be a literal breakup.  The message you you is move on, I don’t care what you think, and I am not going to respect you much less be with you.

Interpret the silent treatment as a breakup, and act accordingly

Whatever the reason for the silent treatment is, you should interpret it as a total breakup.  The reason is that it will help you respond appropriately to this type of passive aggressive behavior.  If he is giving you the silent treatment then of course yes, he probably broke up with you.  Especially if its been a long time such as a month or more, you have to ask yourself what kind of person does that?  You should not want to get back together with someone that makes you feel insecure starting at the phone and does not even deign to talk to you.  His behavior is not healthy and it won’t lead to a successful relationship.

If you interpret the silent treatmet as a breakup it will help you act accordingly.  Stop trying to be with this person or interact with this person.  As soon as you stop trying to contact them they lose their abusive power over you.  You are eliminating another chance for them to reject and treat you poorly.  Once is enough, so why continue to contact them and be met with rejection?  It’s like banging your head against a wall or beating a dead horse.  You can’t win.

You may have been over extending yourself in the relationship and this person does not and did not love you back.  He may have thought it best to stop talking with you since he saw you wanted more out of the relationship than he was willing to give you.  Stop calling him and contacting him and giving him more opportunity to reject you by not answering you.  Don’t wait for a call or reply because it may never happen and its emotionally exhausting to bank on his coming back not to mention a big waste of your precious time.  This person did not enough decency or respect to tell you in no uncertain terms that it was over and they were done with you.  And if they did try to tell you, you were too thick headed to get the message.

If they can turn off like a light switch, you don’t need that

How healthy is it to be with a person that can be intimate with you and act like they are with you, then turn off like a light switch?  This is exceptionally harmful to your ego and you should try to avoid repeat rejection.  Take it once and go on your way.  If he ever does contact you again then you should let him know that the silent treatment is just unacceptable to you.  If you are able to talk gently with him maybe he will stop this.  Most likely however, it is a set behavior problem with him (or her) that will be an uphill battle.  People who dole out the silent treatment as punishment are more hostile than you think.

The silent treatment is cruel, vicious and heinous.  It is just so mean and dismissive to go no contact on someone you no longer with to socialize with, without giving them any sort of explanation.  You get this behavior from real cads.  For example, you catch your so-called boyfriend cheating on you and then he never addresses it but instead responds by never talking to you again.  Or he meets another better opportunity and discards you in order to move on with someone new.  Or he did not share your feelings but stayed in it for the ride until a better opportunity presented itself. 

Look for signs of impending breakups in his or her actions, not in their words

To give him (or her) some credit, they may have downgraded the relationship or made it pretty obvious it wasn’t going to progress, and you failed to take their message to heart.  They could have sent you this message by the way they treated you, the way they acted, the fact that you weren’t committed, and so forth.  They may have felt the relationship was casual and that you just did not get it.  So when they wanted to move on they just discard you feeling as though they owed you nothing.  Still, this behavior is just rude and it says something about their character in general.  A guy who has integrity is going to execute that integrity even if he doesn’t like you.  He has integrity and he will let you know what is going on.  So cheer up because if he dumped you by silent treatment is says something negative about his character indeed.

The key is to look at his (or her) behavior and attitude, not just what he says.  Actions speak much louder than words when it comes to breakups, silent treatment, getting dumped and no contact.  Does he skip dates, does he return phone calls, does he keep commitments, does he call you as much as he texts you, does he have an active internet dating profile, is he seeing other people, does his actions match his words? 

Has he lied to you, has he let you down, does he avoid conversations about your relationship, does he act sketchy, is he secretive?  Does he keep his phone hidden? Does he go missing for days or weeks?  Does he shut down communication when confronted about anything he has done?  Does he give you the silent treatment?  Does he go missing if you have issue with him or wish to communicate with him?  Is your relations with him on his terms, or is it on both of your terms?  Have you threatened to break up with him then not done it thereby encouraging him to teat you poorly with no repercussion?  Does he make you feel replaceable? Does he spent less time with you lately? 

These are the sorts of behavior that would indicate that you are about to be dumped or are getting dumped. It’s one thing if a guy goes silent temporarily to cool of or collect his thoughts.  It’s another thing however, if a guy uses the silent treatment as a form of emotional punishment.  This is passive aggresive, and abusive.  It could be that your communication styles are just not matching up.  If you continue to get the silent treatment consider breaking up with him, if he hasn’t broken up with you already. 

Lastly, the best way to stop the silent treatment abuse is to cease contact with him.  This prevents him from ignoring you repetitively and further abusing him.  As much as you want to talk to him or work things out, texting and texting will not help.  It will only drive him away or worse even give his ego attention as you cower and chase after him.  Some time apart may help you see clearly if there were signs that he was backing off and leaving you.  Breakups are rarely by blind-siding.  Usually there are red flags leading up to getting dumped or silence that you may have missed or ignored.

Give it a rest and let the silent treatment giver guy (or gal) go.  Let him give the silent treatmet to his next girlfriend and find someone who actually wants to talk to you and have a relation with you where there is healthy communication.  If you get the silent treatment its best to interpret is a breakup and react accordingly by backing off and moving on.  To engage with someone that is using silence as a way to control a relationship is a big mistake and if you put up with that sort of abuse you are assured there will be more abuse to come.


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