The problem with dating now a days is that people get online and that opens the dating up to something like a candy store mentality. This type of window shopping for mates might lead you to rule people out that might otherwise be a good match. For example, women look at height, income, and even whether a man is balding or not as reasons to put him out of contention.
Dating coaches such as Rori Raye warn women not to make quick judgments based on first impressions. If you are a woman on a dating site such as plenty of fish for example, you might get hundreds of email propositions. But you may not even find one man you like in the hundreds. Why? Because you find reasons to exclude potential suitors for arbitrary reasons. They don’t measure up for even a response much less a date.
Raye coaches women that this can be a mistake and that women should give a man that approaches them a chance. Giving him a chance is not settling. It is just simply giving him a chance. If he doesn’t suit you after a few dates, you can always move on.
Avoid snap judgments
One rotten picture posted on a mans online dating profile can lead to snap judgments. Raye refers to Charlotte’s character on Sex and the City. The bald attorney she ultimately fell for would have been ruled out for sure had she seen him on an online dating web site. On the television show however, he was Charlotte’s attorney and after spending time together she fell for him.
Raye advises women to give men a chance before writing them off using the do unto others argument. You would not a man to rule you out because you aren’t young hot and loaded with money, would you? She says consider your own flaws and imperfections. If you aren’t the perfect age, weight, height and body type, how can you really expect perfection from him?
Don’t have your head in the sand
If you give up on finding that man and avoid dating altogether, you won’t be in the right mental place to recognize the right man when he comes along. Every man you meet has something to teach you about relationships, dating, and who would be right for you. If you only date artsy types and you date a business man, you’ll probably learn something from the experience. Maybe he will treat you in a certain way so that what he does for a living won’t matter quite so much. You may be settling for less than you deserve by narrowing down your choices too much. Ray suggests giving a nice man six dates to get to know him before ruling him out. As long as you enjoy his company there is nothing wrong with getting to know somebody.
Change the way you act
Sometimes just changing the patterns of your past can help you make better choices in your love life. For example, if you relied on texting as a means of communication in your last relationship, you can avoid texting altogether in your new one. Texting leads to casual relationships and therefore if you find yourself coming up empty handed with men you might want to change the way you communicate with them. If the last guy was a noncommittal hey what up on text type, do not allow yourself to fall into that rut again. When the next man comes along, don’t make plans on text and insist on phone calls otherwise don’t get involved with him.
Changing your behavior patterns and standards can help. For example, if you tend to be the type that goes exclusive with someone and it gets intense for a few months then fizzles, try something new. Try casually dating several people at once and not allowing yourself to get to enmeshed with a man until you have a commitment to be exclusive from him. Only then should you focus on one man, and it should be him leading you to commitment not the other way around.
Short term fireworks verses long term chemistry
Some people believe that true chemistry happens almost immediately, within the first few minutes of meeting someone. Certainly physical chemistry can hit right away. Dating coaches like Rori Raye advise however that true chemistry can also happen over time. When you feel safe with someone and know them well you can also develop a solid chemistry that can withstand the test of time. This would plant the seeds for a lasting romance.
Everyone wants to find true love so according to Raye and other dating experts you need to give potential suitors a chance and break patterns of the past. If you were a texting addict and it led to a go nowhere relationship, try something new for your next romance. Do something novel, such as turn off texting by disabling your text package and text messaging on your phone! Then you’ll either hear from him or you won’t. Texting is so popular now as a means of communication, your texting behavior can play a big role in either drawing him to you effortlessly, or driving him away from you with your neediness.
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