Text message is the laziest form of communication there is. True that it is fast and convenient, and gets to a person within around four minutes if not less time. It’s fast and efficient, but nonetheless lazy. You’d think calling was easier because you don’t have to type words, but once you call you have to actually talk with the person. With texting, you get the communication done that you need without ever having to talk with them. That is why it is a lazy form of communication that will do little to help your relationship and actually has potential to hurt or limit it.
Lazy Communication after being dumped
You need to recognize text communication for what it is, which is lazy. If you were dumped and then weeks or months later you get a text message from them you might be jumping for joy. Wow, a precious text message from Mr. elusive you think (and you are excited). What happens is that you get so desensitized to text message relationships that the thought of even a crumb of a text after being blown off excites you. The sad thing is that it is more likely just another passive rejection of you. It’s a toxic mixture of them missing you while at the same time not dignifying you with a phone call.
Maybe they texted because they were feeling the waters and trying to determine if you would be receptive to talking again. But in reality, someone that really genuinely misses you will very quickly pick up the phone and call you. Maybe they will text once or twice to see if you respond. Once it looks promising, if they really do care they will call you. They will want to talk and to see you and to acknowledge whatever problems there were that you two had. It won’t be a two word what’s up text message.
Don’t be impressed
Its depressing to say it, but I have found a lazy text communication is more about an ego stroke for them than it is about being really nice to you. The fact is, they don’t miss you enough to lift a dialing finger and call you. When you think about it, it is rather silly indeed. One of the problems is that if you let your relationship happen on text, they will continue to use text as the venue for communicating. If all you ever did was text each other and hook up in a casual relationship, why would you expect a real phone call? Try not to make more out of a mere text message than you should.
Don’t re-engage on text, instead do this: Change
If you get a lazy communication from someone, particularly after a breakup, don’t engage in a text conversation. Give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they are avoiding rejection and feeling you out by sending a text first. You could say something like, Good to hear from you, Give me a call! Then just stop texting them. They shouldn’t have to be prompted to call you, they know darn well that they can call you. But at least you are making it very clear that you want to hear from them but don’t wish for it to be on text message. If they get up off their hands and call you, maybe they do care. This is a good way to let a person know that you are trying to change. You have new standards for yourself and those standards include phone calls. It may not work, but at least you give it a shot and now its up to them whether they really care about you enough to lift a dialing finger. Let me say this: You deserve a phone call. You do.
It’s your fault and here is why: You allowed it
These text crumbs you are getting from this person are happening for a reason and you will be so surprised to learn that the reason it is happening is your own fault, because you allowed it in the first place. If you allow lazy communication via text to take place during your relationship, and get used to it, you get acclimated to the bad behavior. That is exactly what it is, disrespectful.
Now, why in the world if this person wants to make up with you or talk to you, attempt to do so via a text message? Because you allowed it before and so they assume they can get away with it now. That is why its best never to let your relationship get carried away into la-la text land where you later regret being the text enabler. It’s near impossible to change your expectations and self respect after you accepted text crumbs. But you can still try. You can still try to establish a new personal boundary and demand that you get more than crumbs of text communication.
Instead of being hostile when demanding more than a text message crumb, be nice about it. That’s why I say send a simple message that clearly relegates THEM to having to call you in order to get closer to you. Your text response should be closure like, not opening a dialogue up. I prefer that you call me is all you need to text then just stop texting. Stop texting so that you don’t get wind tunneled into going back into text communications and crumbs. I will say this again: You deserve a phone call.
If you want to perpetuate a non-relationship …
If you are such a text junkie that you must text respond to an incoming text just know that you are perpetuating your own addiction to text cycle. You might be so addicted that you just can’t help yourself because deep down, you get your own thrill off text messaging. You have only yourself to blame. If that’s the case, then at the least practice and learn to execute substantially less text communications. Don’t initiate contact, keep text responses short, don’t get snookered into long text exchanges, don’t enable plan making or dates via text, and make sure you can execute the no texting rule for days on end. If you follow the how to quit texting strategies you should be able to whittle your texts from hundreds a month down to a few dozen a month max. In other words, you were only getting crumbs, so give even less crumbs back.
Hopefully if you give less texts than you are getting, the person will become inclined to lifting the phone and call you. If they don’t, then you don’t have a relationship. You have to realize that them only texting you is a passive form of rejection. It’s actually hostile. Its like, what you aren’t even good enough for a phone call? Granted, you might have been the fool that let them only text you however that doesn’t make them any nicer. They had no problem sinking right down to your low point and near nonexistent threshold of how to be treated right. If you make plans to see them going off a text message, then you’re just a text buddy, an occasional girlfriend or some other type of substandard status. At least you’ll have established the real nature of your non-relationship – you aren’t in one at all.