Lopsided relationships and when You do all the texting

A lopsided relationship is one where you are doing all of the work. A blaring sign that you are in a lopsided relationship is if you are always the one initiating text messages that show an interest in the persons life. But they are not showing the same interest in your life.

Thoughtfulness is a pivotal indication that he (or she) cares about you more than just as a little action on the side. If your boyfriend or girlfriend fails to remember major events in your life such as your birthday then you’ll never get into a commitment with him. It takes more than a party of one to get anywhere, it takes two. Granted, men are always forgetful about anniversaries and such, but something like not knowing when your birthday is and failing to know what important milestones are happening in your life is a hallmark of a boyfriend or girlfriend that just doesn’t care.

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend ever send you a text to ask about your day or about some events going on in your life? Does he know what your vacation plans are or care? If not, you might be in a very lopsided relationship. Not only are you mainly communicating via text message which is bad enough, it’s you asking about the fabric of their lives and them not showing interest in yours. Following up on current events in your life, calling when he says he will, returning texts and making them into a two way conversation, and asking you about your day are all signs the relationship is going the right way.

Lazy relationships rarely lead towards commitment

If your man is expecting you to do all of the bending and accommodating to keep in touch and get together, he is not in any sort of real partnership with you. An important thing to realize is that even if a guy keeps in touch with you via texts and dates you on occasion, it doesn’t mean he is seriously interested in you. Women totally fail to realize that a guy will keep you around without really being into you, so long as you fit neatly and conveniently into his life without his having to do any bending or finger lifting on his end.

Women mistakenly think that just because they are at an ongoing low ebb with a guy, for example some texting, some dating, and some hooking up, that there is hope for a relationship. That is not necessarily true at all. Just because he is willing to string you along if you behave right, means nothing. All it means, is that you are demanding so little of him that he is willing to string you along, bless his heart. That’s why women have to realize that casual relationships don’t progress. They stay at status quo until the women makes a move for more, at which point they usually just end. The woman gives an ultimatum, the guy doesn’t go for it, and then she has to put up with crumbs or shut up and leave him and find somebody else. The relationship is set in stone as casual because that’s the way he wants it and that’s how he has permanently categorized or slotted you. That’s why it IS casual. So obviously if you try to force your hand and make it be more he will say no (again) because he already said no which is exactly why you are in a casual relationship with him right now.

That’s why most of the relationship coaches will tell you that you should bail on a casual relationship very early on, or not let it develop at all. They feel that continuing to make all the efforts and text him and let him do his thing and keep in touch and get together and hookup every once in a while is a total waste of your time if what you really want is a boyfriend. And one that remembers your god damn birthday at that. Always being the one to text him and initiate conversation and ask little questions about his day is an alarming bell going off that he only wants you on his own self centered terms or not at all. It’s really not a good prognosis for a future relationship. Do you really think a guy that is dissing you already is about to get serious with you ever?

Whenever you start typing into google or yahoo and asking the question oh well why doesn’t he ever text me out of the blue, or text me randomly and ask me what I am up to, or ask me about my events, it’s time to take stock not only of his poor texting response but the relationship altogether if there even is one. Usually when women type in questions like why doesn’t he ever text me and why do I always have to initiate, there really isn’t a relationship. It’s a casual relationship where he is not being flexible and putting any effort in to it. It’s not just the texting. The texting is just another indicator that his responsiveness is out the window.

If you are mostly keeping in touch via some electronic medium such as text messaging, consider it a barely there long distance relationship. This person could live 20 minutes away from your house but you’ll find yourself texting him for weeks on end before seeing him. I don’t care if he has more children than Brad Pitt, is a pro athlete or performs in the traveling carnival. If he wanted to hang out with you he would invite you to participate in some of the things he is doing in his every day life not just having you texting him questions about it while he does these things. This all sounds so, so obvious but when you are in the throes of infatuation a go nowhere casual relationship could hit you over the head with a barbell and you wouldn’t see the plain as day truth before your very eyes. If its just texts and he is not meshing with you and making plans with you and doing some of his basic living with you, there is no relationship nor is there hope for one.

Think of texting as a little microcosm of your relationship in general. If all you are doing is texting each other then all your relationship is, is a text relationship. It’s a microcosm of a relationship not a relationship. It might include sex and occasional hookups but that doesn’t count for much because men are far less picky than you think about who they are willing to bed.

If there is a little bit of give and take on text message then you should be seeing the same thing in real life. You text back and forth, you talk on the phone back and forth, you suggest plans back and forth, you spend time at each others places back and forth, and so on. The back and forth and give and take means there is something there. Now if you have mostly one way texts going from you to him and all he does is respond periodically there is no two way street at all.

Keeping your self respect and self regard is actually more important than imbuing yourself into a text relationship where you aren’t even getting the real thing and you’re the one doing all the work to boot. I understand that you might die in a car crash tomorrow and feel you need sex and text today, but it is not worth it if you are with a guy that does not truly care about you. Any sex you get will be so far negated by the damage done to your self esteem for being in a one way text based crumb relationship, that it won’t even be worth it. In fact it only WILL have been worth it if you DO die tomorrow in a car crash, which I have to say is rather unlikely.

The point is, you are probably going to be around long enough so that the plummet in your self esteem from a text relationship is not worth the sex you get from this person. This person who doesn’t know when your birthday is and mainly talks to you when you text him and ask him how he is. He knows when his birthday is, but he doesn’t know when your birthday is. Yes, birthdays and texts are related now because if you know when his birthday is but he doesn’t know when yours is or care, and you text him all the time and he doesn’t initiate with you, they are both the same exact telltale signs. You are in a lopsided relationship.

Signs that you are with a guy that likes you and not in a go nowhere lopsided relationship

Here are indicators that this guy actually likes you. If you don’t see him exhibiting signs like these then you may be in a lopsided relationship. You may have concern for worry and your problems in the relationship may be broader than just why doesn’t he ever text me.

He’ll either call you or text you every day or every couple of days to keep in touch. He’ll initiate on text close to as much as you do.

He’ll ask you about more on text message than just send me a picture of your tits. It’s not all about him being randy when you text him.

He is realistic and doesn’t have a fantasy idea that he’ll be with the Playmate of the Year

He is complimentary and supportive of you rather than giving you reasons wrong with you via text as excuses for why the two of you can’t be more seriously involved.

He starts acting like a boyfriend, which means he hangs out with you during down periods not just on official dates or sex dates or sext messaging.

He would much rather see you than sext with you, even if it involves getting off his bum and making an effort to drive etc to get to where you are at.

He enjoys your company and doesn’t want you to leave.

He becomes more open and is not secretive about his cell phone, text message or emails from other people/women, online dating profiles and so forth. He is your friend on face book and other social platforms and you aren’t hidden in the closet cut off from his life and social network.

He introduces you to people he knows, his friends.

If you are upset he actually wants to know why and to resolve it.

He is not inclined to date other women or try to one up you and bail for a better opportunity.

He’ll share his actual feelings for you and life concerns rather than hiding things and giving a façade of a problem free existence. He won’t bar you from knowing his junk or make certain topics taboo.

He compromises and doesn’t make you do all the bending and accommodating. He goes out of his way for you from time to time.

He is not hedonist in his behavior for example, he’ll go with you to gas up your car or run an errand, not just show up F-K to get pleasure for you and himself and then run home.

He’s not cynical about marriage, because if a guy says he’s got no interest in getting married right away or re-married he does not have an interest in marrying you so believe him fully.

He has some standards and morals about him. He wouldn’t call you degrading names or pick your pocket or do something highly unsavory or unethical towards you.

He’ll make room for you in his real life.

He’ll leave his phone unattended around you without worry or concern.

He’ll know when your birthday is and make plans.

He’ll text you because HE wants to keep in touch and know what you are up to on a daily basis.

If you arrived here because he won’t text you, or won’t text you back, or blows you off, or only wants to talk on text message not the phone, or used to talk on the phone but now only texts, or only wants to sext, take notes ladies. It’s time for you to look at not just your texting, but your whole entire relationship in general to see if its totally lopsided. I’d bet my bottom dollar that if you are arriving here complaining about him never contacting you via text, that you have a lot bigger problems than run of the mill texting etiquette. You may be wasting your time texting in a lopsided relationship and you may just be starting to see the light. These posts are probably pretty harsh but I don’t care.

I am getting letters from women who say they were dumped by text or downgraded to text and feeling totally depressed about it. They read all of the posts and are glad to know they aren’t the only ones. So if you are trying to see the light and face the fact that you are in a lopsided relationship don’t feel bad. With the advent of casual relationships sometimes it takes a while to really see what is going on. Floundering relationship almost always end up sputtering down into the text twilight zone. Not only that, your constant texting and chasing him may even be enabling a lazy, lopsided text relationship! Your aggressive texting behavior could even be part of the problem.


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