A love hate relationship between lovers involves simultaneous feelings of romantic love and hatred. Sometimes its between two people that have ended a relationship and still have some sort of passion for each other. Celebrity couples are well known for their love hate couplings for example Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
The bad boy
One common theme of love hate relationships is when there is a good girl coupled with a bad boy. The good girl can never ever get the bad boy to do what she really wants. But she still likes him. For example, she can’t get him to stop dating others or become exclusive. But she’s still attracted. it’s a recipe for love hate.
Love hate often develops when one person is out of the other persons league. For instance a woman might be madly in love and lust with a man but when the love is not returned she also hates him for it. When there is passion and chemistry mixed with resentment that makes for love hate. Love can also be confused with temporary lust or just infatuation. But real love is demonstrated when you can find the ability to reach a compromise.
Love hate and text
The problem with love hate relationships is that there is usually a whole bunch of fighting that goes on. The two people get together and the sparks fly but invariably their relationship degenerates into a completely toxic fight over one issue or another. This makes for crazy texting.
When love and hatred coexist there will be ongoing uncertainty and ambivalence about which course to follow in the relationship. The presence of opposing feelings and attitudes is such that the texting between two such people can easily escalate from bickering into world war text. These are the couples where one person really inspires anger in the other, only to receive 100 plus angry texts in a single day ripping them apart to shreds.
If it’s love hate then there is ambivalence. This is the couple where one day the guy decides to mentally check out and ignore the girl. Then, she goes ballistic on text because he’s ignoring her. You might recall Glen Close the classic movie Fatal Attraction saying “I will not be ignored”. At any given point as far as text messaging goes the two people will be on totally different pages of thought which will cause text wars.
The texting roller coaster
The problem of love hate is that the couple is going to experience feelings of euphoria followed by intense feelings of guilt or hatred. When this causes fighting then the upset party might decide that there should be a breakup. The other party on the other hand, might press to reconcile. There is a yo-yo behavior of intense conflict, love and indecision making for a turbulent ride.
People in love hate relationships wind up hating themselves for the way they act towards one another. It’s like trying to go on a diet and massively breaking it. Or, think of people who smoke. They know it is bad for their health and that it smells awful, yet it relieves their stress and anxiety so they do it anyways. With the self sabotage that goes on between the two people the relationship usually remains rocky and never comes to a solid foundation.
When you get upset with your love hate partner you might have the tendency to psychotically text message them. This is usually more damaging to the relationship than it is helpful but the obsessive texter can’t stop. After, they feel guilty for the 100 insidiously mean texts they just sent and try to apologize. The deeper your angry attack on the other person and the nastier you get, the more crazy you appear to be.
It helps to think of obsessive text message like smoking. It’s a feel good moment in time venting your grievances but ultimately it will wreck your health. If you can learn to stop yourself from doing it, you’ll be much better off.
The fine line between love and hate
Love and hate are about as opposite as any two emotions could be however they have certain things in common. The same nervous brain circuits are responsible for producing feelings of both hatred and romantic love. Both emotions can make you act very irrational especially when it comes to texting. Some of the up and down emotions can be normal. But if a roller coaster is the default status of your relationship then it could be a signal that you have very low self esteem and should get out from under the other person.
People with dangerously low self esteem are the ones that chronically sit around being concerned about what is going on in the relationship and wondering what the other person is up to around the clock. The other person meanwhole goes on about their life. This leads to quite a bit of texting coming from the low self esteem one. That in turn bothers the one who’s trying to go about daily business. If you’re texting pathetically you might want to read up on ways to improve your self esteem or even get counseling if you need it.
Women who have lousy self esteem tend to put their partner up on a pedastal and truly believe that if they get dumped they can’t handle it. They constantly obsess about whether or not their partner likes them. They over analyze the little things that go on ad nauseum. The feel like if they leave then they will be lonely and never find someone that great again. Low self esteem women will stick around for lousy treatment which further hurts their self esteem and it creates a vicious cycle of dependency.
Changing perceptions of the relationship
Your relationship is constantly evolving, fluctuating, goes to a new high point, or sinking down to a new low. Think of that love song of Celine Dion with the words I hate you, then I love you, then I hate you, then I love you more. Everything in your relationship is dynamic. If you allow the ups and downs to be translated into text message you’ll find yourself texting way too much. Try not to emotionally unload on text message because you might be unloading when you are in a foul mood only to feel guilty about the outpouring when you are in a better mood soon after.
If your relationship starts to sour then you might degenerate into emotions of sour hatred. You’re mad yet instead of breaking up you just hate on each other. This is where you start texting messages about how the other person is a total loser and so forth. You’re still emotionally connected but it is a connection based in hatred.
The dangers of love hate
If you find your love moving towards utter hatred then beware. Hatred is a dangerous emotion. It’s hatred that makes you rip someones belongings up, break things, or throw clothes and possessions out on the door step. When your relationship dynamic takes a turn from love to utter hatred, try to take a break from the relationship or even get some counseling. Emotional highs and lows are normal but abusive highs and lows are not.
If you are in a love hate relationship and your partner says hateful things it is best to try to ignore them and wait until things cool down. To get into it with them just fans the flames. Don’t engage. The best way to diffuse a bad argument on text message or otherwise is to go and get some exercise. Exercise can help re-channel the brain and give you a way of mentally disengaging.
If you feel like your love hate relationship is turning you into an emotional train wreck then try to refocus on your own life. Take a trip or make a plan to diet or look better. Activities such as exercise and eating healthy or even immersing yourself in work can help you. Try to find as many distractions from your love hate partner that you can. Make it a goal to love yourself and take care of yourself even if you have to break things off with that person and be lonely for a little while.
Sometimes a love hate relationship is formed when the two people in the relationship are both stubborn people. Try to learn how to compromise. Everyone wants their way so we have a tendency to turn the other person into a villain when they don’t agree with us or do what we want them to. Don’t castrate the person because they refuse to accept your ideas or go with your plan.
If you are are in a love hate war try to read about relationships, meditation and peacefulness. Exercises that combine mind and body such as Yoga, Pilates, Tai Chi, or Martial Arts can help. If you are stubborn it can be because you are upset. Learn to calm down and then you can find a center point and be more capable of having a healthy relationship.
One way to ease a love hate tension is to practice the art of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a way to understand that the other person will not be perfect yet you can accept them with their faults. Allow the other person some mistakes. Try to be as supportive of the other person as possible. Obviously if you’ve been burned time and time again then you may not be able to forgive and prefer to cut your losses and move on.
The less you rely on someone else for your happiness the better off you will be. That way, even if you are in a fight you have your emotional well being. The person with the least dependence on a relationship is the person that has the upper hand in that relationship. If you are centered and confident then the relationship shakeups in a love hate union won’t feel so intense.
The one good thing about love hate relationships is that when you make up it can be really great. If you got along perfectly all the time you’d probably get bored. Some of the greatest relationships have sparks that continue to ignite along the way. Some fighting is to be expected, just don’t take it all out on text message. Remember, your partner can save your 100 texts and really make you look like a fool afterwards once you’ve calmed down.