Love or lust? Hormones that make you go love blind, ignore relationship red flags and text text text too much!

Sex spike hormones can make people go love blind and that is precisely when texting can become problematic.  It is this exact love blind state of mind that makes people text, text, text because they are obsessed.  Instead of calming down and thinking rationally, they go completely love blind. 

Even if a relationship is not working out and your prince charming (or princess) is turning into a frog, you might minimize or ignore potential and even obvious relationship red flags.  If you were rational, you would act on the red flags and take a step back.  Instead, you do the opposite and try to pursue the object of your desire turning them off to you as you do it.

Most people agree that falling in love is an experience characterized by different distinct states which are lust, attraction, and attachment.  Depending on the individuals these stages might overlap.  Depending on the relationship the two people might get into different stages at different paces or the stages might overlap differently.  If this puts the two people at odds you could get a case of unrequited love where one person falls madly in love and stays there where the other person falls in lust then out out.  At any point in the states, particularly the early ones, love hormones are raging.  Here is where you have the greatest potential to become addicted to your partner and addicted to texting your partner as a result.

The lust state is when you both text each other

The lust state as it relates to text message is when you both text each other constantly.  Usually the feeling is mutual.  It’s powerful, biochemically driven, and affects the emotions.  Men might get affected by lust the most as they get so stimulated by visual cues.  They’ll fall in lust very quickly with a women they are totally attracted to.  During this phase they will definitely pursue and it is in this phase that women get really hooked on the attention they are getting.  Don’t you always hear women say but he liked me so much, texted me all the time, and treated me so well when we first met?  If the man backs off later on, the woman might pick up being the pursuer and that’s where female text stalkers come in.

Attraction is the stage where one person might get more bonded than the other and text too much

If you’re fueled by ongoing infusions of pheromones, serotonin, norepineprhine and dopamine, your body can become literally addicted to love in this second stage of attraction.  The total craving for the other person works almost like an amphetamine rush.  It’s that feeling of falling deeper in love.  If both people are not falling in love together or at the same pace, one might become text obsessed with the other.  Even though they may have been texting at the same pace as during the lust phase, the other person might text less often now.  Here is where you can get problems in the relationship.

The person who is more hooked can start to ignore daily life and focus more and more on the object of their affection.  That serotonin might be the neurotransmitter that fans the flames of attraction, making that special someonee seem even more attractive and more of a priority.  You’re going to get this norepinephrine adrenaline feeling that amps you up with energy, makes your heart pound, palms sweat and giving you a dry mouth.  Dopomine gives you that love struck feeling where you can’t sleep and focus on the other person.  This phase usually lasts one and half to two years. 

Now lets imagine that you have a dispute or a breakup or one partner is feeling smothered and decides they need space.  Can you see that with all these emotions running strong in the attraction phase that the remaining partner would be susceptible to start to text, text and text?  What if one person tells the other by text message that they want to be left alone or that they are going to date someone else.  This would be the exact time that the shunned partner would stay up all night writing one hundred texts about their objections to that sort of news. 

That second phase of attraction is the most dangerous time for creating text stalkers and stalkers in general.  In the lust phase both parties might be mutually interested.  But as time going on that second phase of attraction can create an intense obsession and adrenoline high for one partner yet not the other.  Not everyone falls in love.

The attachment phase is where you would settle into a relationship and work out the kinks

During the final stages of falling in love the chemistry definitely shifts.  The partners generally become more willing to commit.  Vasopressin is produced which feeds the desire to bond with one another and make a long term relationship work, even after the sparks have stopped flying.  This would be love, much different than lust.  Usually by this point you may have worked out the kinks and gotten your communication issues under control.

Control that tendency to text stalk by reading up on love phases and hormones and giving your partner space

For both women and men the lust phase is often mutual, as is the love phase.  Granted you might develop problems in the relationship and break up however it is less likely you’d become a stalker at these points.  It’s really the attraction phase or the middle phase you have to watch out for.  Your chemistry gets really out of whack and when it is far from normal is when one person might find themselves getting obsessed with the other and the other person wanting to back away from the relationship.  This is the point at which over obsessive SMS happens.  You’re on that adrenaline high so you text and text. The key is to recognize the adrenaline and control your emotions so that you don’t subject your partner to all of your ups, downs, and emotions. 

If you get in a fight, stay up all night and find that you’ve sent some fifty crazy texts to the person over night, you have to realize you have a problem.  Step back from the relationship if you need to because if you stay in it you’re sure to drive your partner away and scare the death out of them.  Take time to get your emotions back under check before communicating again.  If you know you shouldn’t text or email them and yet you continue to do so out of impulse or feeling wronged (valid or not) you might be acting on crazy raging hormones.  Even if they cheated on you or dumped you, it’s no excuse for stalking behavior. 

You need to understand what happens to you during the stages of love and get a grip on your behavior before it can destroy a potential relationship.  Remember that there are three phases and their timing can work very differently for different people.  Don’t expect your partner to be like or think like you because they are a completely different person and not driven by what you want for yourself.  The sooner you realize this the better you’ll be able to control your own emotions, understand what is happening to you, and keep your behavior in check. 

Let your partner fall in love at their own pace and recognize it’s their own emotional reality if they fall in love with you or not.  Sending needy, clingy text messages to them constantly will make them feel as though you are in their face and pressuring them, so don’t do it.


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