If you want to know what men want it can help to know some basic facts about what men don’t want, as it relates to text message. Here are some traits that show up on text message that are a universal turn off to men. If you want your guy to crave you and look forward to your text messages try to keep these relationship and texting no-nos in mind.
Men hate drama
Here is a trick that some women don’t think of. Do you know how you like to relay what goes on in your day to your man? Sometimes you have drama. You have a fight with a girlfriend, a mishap at home, or encounter a horrible co-worker. You might think that relaying you daily life problems to him is okay and brings you closer by virtue of sharing but it does not work that way. Don’t assume that talking drama is cool because it’s drama that is not related to you and him. Big mistake! Men hate drama all the way around. Just because you’re telling him drama that is not between you and him specifically doesn’t mean he thinks it’s okay. He hates too much drama regardless of who is at the apex of the drama.
It’s the emotional exaggeration and crazy antics that will bother him the most. Even if you’re hysterical over your boss and not him, he will extrapolate it back to himself. If you can’t get through the simplest of garden variety problems that all of us face on a regular basis, what will you be like when the two of you face a problem is what he’s thinking. When it comes to drama, men hate it whether it has to do with you and him or you and something else. Therefore, try not to get all up in arms about topics around him. Definitely, don’t text torture him about such issues and don’t be theatric or dramatic on text message.
Men hate your complaining
Men don’t like complaints and they definitely don’t like criticism. If all you are going to do is get upset over the little things in life, he’ll want nothing to do with you. Whether your complaints are about the way he makes love or that the waiter put mayo on the sandwich you ordered doesn’t matter. It’s complaining. He’ll think, is that all she does is complain? Try to figure out ways to tell him (and other people for that matter) what you want and need in a way that is not a criticism or complaint. You can read some books about conversation or manners to improve your skills in that department.
Re-frame the complaints and criticisms in a way that will not be like chalk scratching on the chalk board to him. Try dropping tips or hints about what you want in a pleasant manner rather than criticizing and complaining. Men will pick up on hints so let him know what you want nicely. Complaints and constant criticism kill a relationship. I have a friend who chastised her husband over his diaper changing skills and made him feel that he was not doing anything right. Men hate criticisms like that. It’s not your way or the highway so you need to trust him, offer suggestions or whatever you need to do that does not involve criticizing him. Try to let him know what he is doing right instead.
If you need to set him straight do it gently and in a positive manner. This will help you avoid chewing him out on text message over everything he’s ever done wrong in your relationship. The more you complain the less likely he is going to want to converse with you much less see you.
Men hate jealousy
We all know that men hate jealous women. It’s a one-two combination that they abhor. First of all they hate the fact that you downgrade yourself by becoming insanely jealous of other women. It de-values you. Half the time he wouldn’t even think of the criticisms you come up with and the only way he knows about them is if you brought it up!
I had one friend tell me he was totally turned off when his ex-girlfriend complaining bitterly about his beautiful platonic friend. Even though the ex-gf instinctively picked up on the fact that he was actually interested in his beautiful platonic friend, her jealousy disgusted him more than anything else. He just did not want to hear it, and thought she was being ridiculous. The beautiful friend was over a decade younger than his ex and no doubt prettier but what put him off the most was that his ex-gf was jealously immature and freaked out about it. He knew that the beautiful friend was more attractive however what turned him off the most was her petty and insecure complaints about another women. He thinks to himself, every where around you are prettier women who are ten years younger than you are, so for you to whine about it just makes you look insecure and stupid.
Expressing petty jeolousy about other women he knows can hurt his opinion of you far more than the beauty of the other woman influences him. The point is, men can’t stand when you drag a bunch of negative energy into your conversations. Speak positively about your self and others and he’ll be way more impressed about your attitude. He wants to be with someone who is secure with herself. Don’t bitch about the beauty of other women to him. You’d be better off paying a pretty woman a compliment and moving on with the conversation unfettered. That demonstrates emotional stability and self confidence.
Let’s say you are not exclusive with your man and you finally blow your top and send him a bunch of text messages expressing jealousy over his dating other women and you just can’t let it go. He might not even be interested in anyone else all that much but your constant insecurity, snooping and harassing him about what he is up to will certainly make him more interested in them and less interested in you. Careful that you aren’t the one whose jeolousy is driving him elsewhere.
Men hate emotional baggage
Women have a tendency to carpet-bag past problems and indiscretions into current issues. This only serves to cloud matters and toxify him. If you’ve had fights in the past about something, don’t tail-gate them into current conversations and issues. Men hate it when women can’t stick to the topic or issue at hand. If everything devolves into a rehashing of old fights it is toxic to him.
Let’s say he has to cancel a plan with you so he sends you a text that he is working late or that something came up. Assume that he is speaking the truth. Maybe he has a deadline at work. Don’t devolve into world war text about how he always cancels plans at the last minute. Don’t go give him the 69 text message play by play over itemizing all the times he’s cancelled and never cured himself of his flakiness and so on. Don’t talk about him or other ex-boyfriends for that matter that didn’t treat you right. He knows all that and expects you to have worked through all your past issues with him as well as others. All you need to do is let him know you are disappointed and that he should let you know about rescheduling.
Men hate when you digress onto old topics and fights within the conversation of current issues. So many text rants have to do with digging up the past. If you stay focused on the present, concentrate on the present plan and situation, resolutions will come easier. Men hate women that weigh everything down. If he makes you mad you don’t have to bring up the 100 things that he’s ever done that makes you mad including this thing he just did. It’s called emotional baggage and men absolutely despise it.
The way to cure yourself of being weighed down is to try and live in the present and keep conversations in the present. Don’t tail gate the past into all of your present-day conversations. Let it go. Trust me, you’ll text less and he’ll like you more. As it relates to texting if he sends you one message send one back. If he knows that one single message from him will potentially weigh down his phone with fifty responding texts messages from you, he’s going to avoid texting you altogether. Keep talk to the present and don’t weight him down with texts about issues that have already been hashed over.
Don’t think he is the end all and be all
The minute a man gets the sense that you’re dependent on him he will be turned off. Never let a man become your whole entire world and never tell a man that he is your whole entire world especially if you are early in the dating process. Men hate women that get too smitten and throw their own interests aside for the sake of them. Make sure to develop your own interests and passions and have your own friends and life. The minute you rely on him for everything you are going to appear less seductive.
You’ll be able to capture his attention and seduce him more effectively if you have your own interests and passions. He’ll become interested in what you do rather than just the other way around. A man is more likely going to feel attraction to a busy women from whom he has to steal time than a woman sitting around with baited breath ready to be there for him like a doormat. Men are turned off by women who put them up on a ridiculous pedestal as gods gift. If you’re sending him texts about how he’s your everything you’d be better off ignoring him instead.
Hopefully these universal charicteristics that men hate in women will tip you off to a few positive behavioral changes that you can make. A positive outlook and upbeat attitude will trump a whinner any day of the week. You can read some books on communication secrets for more ideas as to how to communicate with him in a positive manner.