Break up tactics are a touchy subject and some daters are choosing to opt out via text message to avoid face to face or phone conversations. Dumping by text message can be rather ruthless to the ex however. If this was a person you once cared about and has never really done you wrong then its best to keep that breakup classy and painless. The good thing about doing it nicely is that it won’t leave you feeling guilty. It also has less of a chance of leaving you with an angry stalker ex on your hands. Here are a few simple tips to make the breakup process easier.
Send out warning signals
Blindsiding someone with a break up text message is not too nice. You don’t want to break up with someone close to you by an ambush surprise text saying it’s over. If you think you want to break up with the person put out some warning signs to them. You could describe to them that you are not comfortable with the way things have been going or that your relationship or friendship goals are not matching theirs well. Once that warning has been put in place, hopefully in a conversation in person or on the phone, then the breakup will be easier to execute.
It’s often best to send a warning signal that you are not happy with the situation, then break up or maybe ask for time apart from the person in person or by talking on the phone. It may upset the person but at least gives them a heads up that they may be in for a breakup. Don’t do it meanly or in a threatening manner. It’s easier to just let them know with an honest heads up that you aren’t comfortable or happy and that things may not work out. This might send your ex into hyper drive however it at least gives them time to prepare and reflect on the relationship potentially ending.
Once you let the person know that your goals aren’t the same and try to break up or cool things down by no longer seeing them, you can use the text message breakup as a backup plan. In other words, if you’ve told the person it isn’t working and that you want to break up already, then the text dumping is merely a backup up reinforcement to a breakup conversation that already happened. It’s not the breakup, but the reinforcement of it that you can give if pushed into a corner.
If you have tried to give a heads up in person then its a lot more comfortable to back it up on text at that point since further confrontation is likely to be excruciating. Once you’ve let them know its over then reinforcing it on text can actually be more comfortable than a nasty confrontation.
Think the break up through
If you know that you are together with someone who is either pushy or has stalker potential, you’ll want to think through all angles of the breakup very carefully. A slow fade out or disappearing act is an option many people choose as they feel that if they fade out and see the person less then the breakup will be easier. That is not always the case. Disappearing, fading, or silent treatment can be torture for your ex and it can ignite them into pursuing you even more. It’s often best to therefore let the person know that things aren’t really working out.
You don’t have to go into specifics and can keep the reasons on a fairly superficial level. They have to accept that they can’t control you and you are going to make your own decisions in life as to who you want to be with and spend your time with. The most important thing is to remain calm no matter what their reaction. Allow your ex to vent and have their own feelings if that is what they need to do. Only you know your ex so you have to consider if this person will really flip out and do something dangerous should you break it off.
Another reason to think through the breakup carefully is that you need to know if you are willing to work on things. You have to know that. Most likely if the person likes you still they will promise to change or try to rehash everything or avert the breakup. Getting into repeated breakups and make ups can really create stalking behavior like no tomorrow. If you continually breakup then makeup then when you finally do breakup the person won’t believe you and will continue to pursue you relentlessly since you have taken them back before.
Make sure you think through if you really want to break it off and will not waver in your decision, or if you just want some changes. Don’t breakup to ignite changes and then makeup after. Instead, address the problems and try to work with the person on changes without breaking up. If you give things a really good chance and you still aren’t happy then you’ll be better off. You’ve set the groundwork that there are problems, you’ve at least made an attempt on trying to correct them, now when you break up the ex will have had ample groundwork laid out. They won’t be shell-shocked. Try to break up when you really know it won’t work and feel positive you’d like to opt out. If you don’t yo-yo on a breakup decision, they will be more likely to accept the breakup and stop their pursuit.
Give yourself a break
You are entitled to break it off with someone if you want to. You are in control of your love life and your close friendships. You have to decide what is right for you. It might really hurt the other person, but you are a person too and breakups do happen. Its just a fact of life. At any point in time either one or the other of a couple has to be broken up with since many relationships don’t last a lifetime. It hurts but what can you do.
After you breakup make sure to give yourself plenty of time and space from your ex. You don’t want to breakup up, miss them after a week, then makeup, then get in another fight, and become that crazy couple that can’t figure out what they are doing. Indecision creates crazy. Give yourself a few months break. Then if you miss the person you could always get in touch. By that point you will have had a chance to reflect on things and maybe if the two of you miss each other you will be more careful to really address the problems that broke you up in the first place. You can negotiate a better deal with them. You don’t want to get together because you miss each other and then break right back up over the very same issues you had.
Use text to back up a breakup rather than to initiate a break up
If you lay the groundwork for a breakup then your text breakup is not really a breakup. It’s merely backing up the actual breakup. It’s technically not nearly as mean because you’ve let the person know that it wasn’t working for you in conversation. If they continue to pursue you then you are justified in sending a breakup up text that backs up the breakup. A quick text such as below.
It was not working and I have not wavered whatsoever in my decision to move on. I am sorry it didn’t workout out however it is my decision, please don’t contact me
At that point, don’t waver in your decision. If the person continues to hound you then experts recommend ignoring their contact. Don’t engage further with them as you’ve made up your mind and told them what you needed to tell them. If it persists or your inclination is that your ex is harassing you then you’ll make a judgement call on what to do at that point. If you’ve stopped communicating and they continue to harass you making you feel uncomfortable, then document the harassment. Definitely seek out professional help if you have concerns for your safety. Domestic violence comes from breakup up couples not strangers on the street.
Unrequited love can tread a thin line to obsession and even hate. Sometimes the people that you loved the hardest are the people for whom the breakup is the nastiest. This is very obviously true in the case where there is a nasty divorce. If you’ve only gone on a few dates then breaking up is not such a big deal as you have little invested in the person. If however, you are breaking up with someone you’ve been with for a while it can get pretty heated. If you love the person and sense problems coming, try to work it out. So many relationships are valuable, hard to replace, and worth saving. At least then if it fails you know that you gave it your best shot. Breaking up will always be easier when you laid the groundwork and explored all avenues of trying to work it out with the other person.
Text breakups are tough on the person being dumped. If you need to dump them try to lay the groundwork first. Use text to back up a breakup if someone just won’t leave you alone, as opposed to initiating a breakup. Don’t breakup on text just to be mean to someone because you are upset with them. Dumping by text out of anger or hurt just leads to psychotic texting back and forth which you also want to avoid like the plague. Try to keep your breakups classy and painless. You won’t be the first or the last to sever ties with someone you once dated or deeply cared about.
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