Are you making a whole lot of excuses for your boyfriend (or girlfriend) to justify their behavior when in reality, they are clearly not interested in being with you? Just stop! If you are convincing yourself that his dismissive treatment has some sort of excuse, it is folly. Here are some signs you might be doing this. It is important to recognize the signs and start moving away fro a boyfriend or girlfriend who could really care less about you. Trust me if they are into you, they will be showing it and you will not have such doubts in your mind and you will not be inventing excuse after excuse for him.
He’s busy, and you justify this
This is a routine tactic men will use to string you along and avoid having to tell you that they are actively interested in trading up. Why should they tell you? If you are allowing them to string you along, they are going to take full advantage because it gives them the best of all worlds. If your man very often has the I’m busy excuse, do not believe it! Nobody is that busy that they are going to not be able to take two seconds to text you back or bother to see you for weeks on end. This is a man who is seeing other people, and is actively moving on right before your eyes. It is important to assess if you are seeing things clearly. If you are off the deep and texting him 30 times a day expecting him to be texting you back, then this is you just acting like a stalker with nothing better to do. But if your texts are reasonable, just a few every couple of days, and you are still getting blown off, this is a man that might continue to take physical advantage of you, but has virtually no interest in being any sort of boyfriend or real person in your life. People who like you, like to talk to you, and they likely won’t go for more than a couple of days without touching base. Do not make a bunch of excuses for having been blown off for weeks on end. Trust me he is not that busy. And if he met a girl he was actually interested in, you would be stunned at how much free time he suddenly has (for her). There is real busy (as in he does not want to be bothered 10 times a day while he is working) and then there is fake busy (as in, he disappears for two weeks and reappears periodically claiming he is busy). Then there is delusional – you creating excuses that he is busy because you cant acknowledge this man hasn’t called or contacted you in weeks and will never initiate contact with you, unless it is you calling him, and the plans are he comes over to your house to do it.
He is going through something
It does not matter what he is going through, if a man likes a woman nothing will stop him from pursuing her and spending time with her. Anything other than, he’s deployed, is an excuse you are concocting to disguise the fact that he is not into you. Do not wait patiently for this man. Go find something or someone else to get interested in, because he is almost certainly doing the same. Even men who are going through divorces or separations will expedite those things and make it clear they are into you. When you give him a ticket to treat you dismissively and poorly just because he is going through something, you are only kidding yourself and making excuses and rationales for his lack of interest. It is best to date single people as married and as yet unmarried people can easily use that excuse of their never-ending divorce and it can be difficult to discern whether they are just stringing things out to use you, or are actually going through something. Yes Angeline Jolie managed to get Brad Pitt, but that is against the odds. Usually an as yet divorced but still married person is just rebounding off the wall and will likely not be ready for a relationship any time soon, so don’t even go there. Men who are married who do go off with the other woman and marry them are the rare exception, and they usually do that hardcore, they really leave and commit to the person they left for.
He has personal problems
He is a recovering addict, grew up in a truly dysfunctional family, yadda yadda yadda. Don’t fall for it. It is amazing how fast a guy will get his act together and get over his problems, when he has met the right woman. These excuses are just that, excuses. He is not the President, and even the President has time for a relationship.
But he is perfect for me
But you know that he really will make a great boyfriend, if you can just convince him to. OK, I believe you he will make a great boyfriend, to somebody else. Somebody who he actually wants to be her boyfriend. If you are living on what you think his potential is, and how great you think things could be if only this or that, you are just kidding yourself. He is only as good as he is treating you. Sure he might be great if he is committed, but if he is not committed to you, what good is he? Don’t bet on a man’s potential, bet on the there and now. If he is Mr. Perfect that just does not want to be in a relationship with you, he is Mr. Perfect that probably will never be in a relationship with you. If you are defending him with, but he’s super independent, he is just not ready, etc, you are making excuses for him that he himself would not even have been able to come up with. You are doing all the work, or excusing his bad behavior, and then putting up with it.
I hate to say it, but if it is not love, it is not love. It is just your hopes and dreams that you have hung onto him because you think he is the perfect guy for you, if only. But he is what he is to you, so it is better to rely on reality rather than what you dream you want. It is a big waste of time to fall in love with his if only potential. Look at reality. Sure he might be great when he finally commits but if he is not committed to you, he probably won’t be great with you.
Men (and women) stuck pining over people that really aren’t too interested, are the ones who start to psycho text. They become the pursuer, and wonder why this person isen’t texting back etc, when in reality the writing is on the wall. He knows how to get in touch with you, and if he doesn’t, you have all the information you need. If he rarely contacts you unless you start up a conversation, he is trying to not lead you on, but willing to use you if you hunt him down. Don’t do that. One smart thing to do is stop being the pursuer and see how often he really contacts you to do something. That will give you all the information you need to know. If he hooks up with you once a month, and the rest of the time you are pestering him on text, he is not your boyfriend! Women tend to fall in love with men who have already decided to opt out. They do this by taking the first few weeks of togetherness (when he actually was on good behavior and was interested in you) and project and project it, even though, the guy fizzled his interest after the first six weeks!
I hear a lot of women say, Oh but he was so nice when we first met. Well, when you first met he was actually trying to date you. Now, for whatever reason, he is not. He is merely responding positively when you chase him and offer yourself to him with no strings attached. The best thing to do is always keep improving yourself and being the best catch you can possibly be. That, you have control over. Also, take what you learn from each relationship and let it change you for the better. But whatever you do, don’t beat a dead horse. Don’t be with a man who was great a year ago for the first few weeks you know him, or be with a man, you know would be a good catch if he was committed, who is not committed to you. When you are making excuses for him, and constantly texting him to the point where he is either ignoring you or annoyed by you, this is a sign that you are making excuses for a man who is not seriously into you. Try to steer clear of go-nowhere relationships because staying in them usually does not help and in fact wastes time if you are looking for commitment and a real boyfriend.