With the advent of internet dating and social networking, women (and men too) are making fast friends online. It happens overnight, it happens in minutes, it even happens in seconds online. If you are single, some of these flash in the pan text chats and dalliances can evolve into real dates and maybe even relationships. Most however, will never go anywhere. Women especially, tend to waste an incredible amount of time hyping and fantasizing and obsessing about men who are online or mere text message acquaintances.
Are you playing scrabble and word games with a man you don’t really know on a random face book app? Are you IM chatting with a stranger on the freebie dating site and never seeming to meet them much less talking on the phone? Did you give a guy your cell phone number but all he is capable of doing is text? Unfortunately, many of these shadowy figures are merely dabbling around online and on text. Spending your free time chatting with shadowy men could prove to be a total waste of free time. Your texting fingers deserve a phone call. If you are interested in meeting people that care, it can save time to weed out the dabblers, the texters, the intermittent chatterers, the guys that aren’t into you but nevertheless rear their heads anyways.
Here are a few tips to help you identify men that are not really interested, and advice for how to treat them. Believe it or not, ignoring or dismissing the male dabblers is a good strategy as it encourages them to either just go away or step up. Sometimes you just have to chop them off at the neck or at the least, out of your consideration. If you have a shadowy guy hanging around, telling him to get lost will get him more interested in you than engaging him in idle banter thereby accepting his lazy loser communication tactics.
The lazy communicator
The lazy communicator is the one who can IM with you and text message you, but just can’t bring himself to pick up the phone. The text craze sort of encourages men to be like this. They love to text in general. It’s sneaky, they can text multiple people, they don’t really have to talk to you, and they can fill their brains with fantasy. If you engage in text with this type of man you are encouraging bad behavior. If you are the one texting him it’s even worse because you become part of the problem.
The lazy communicator has time to compose a text message and press send but he never seems to have the fortitude to pick up the phone and just call you. This guy can waste hours on text. You could over a matter of six months have a conversation over text message with him that could have been completed in a five minute phone call, had he called.
Lazy communicators can be categorized as men that just aren’t interested. They may be bored, lonely, need an ego stroke every now and then, responding back to your text, or home alone, but whatever they are it is not interested in you. The way to deal with a lazy communicator is to tell them straight up to get lost. Try: you don’t seem to be genuinely interested in me so just go away. Try: Good luck bye. Try: Lose my number. Try any sort of negative feedback and in a way punishment. Essentially, you are letting him know you don’t play games.
If you squash the lazy communicator you’ll be surprised that it actually works in reverse and gets them more interested in you. Tell them to go away, let them writhe for a little bit, and then hopefully they will go away. If a man wants to call you, nothing stands in his way. Remember that, and cut the lazy communicators loose.
The never asks you out on the date
Have you ever chatted or befriended a man and perhaps flirted but it never really progressed to getting asked out on a date? This type of man should be ignored. Every once in a while you can acknowledge his existence if you like, but he is most likely unavailable. He either has a girlfriend, is emotionally unavailable, can’t afford to pay for even a slice of pizza, is not genuinely interested in you, lives to far away, is married or otherwise taken, something. Because the simple fact of the matter is that if a man is interested in you nothing will stand in the way of his asking you out for a date. If he likes you he will call.
If you find yourself spending lots of time conversing with a potential date who never materializes into a real date, cut him loose. He’s just a time waster. Again, treating him like a stranger will either make him go away or strive to not be a stranger by not acting like one. Be forewarned that if they don’t ask you for a date for a while, they probably never will. Likewise, if they don’t call you, they probably never will.
I met someone online who once we exchanged numbers tried to set up a date with me via a text message, no phone call. After blowing him off with a succinct, Good luck so-and-so, bye text message, he emailed and texted me incessantly asking what he did wrong. Did he pick up the phone and call? Nope. Finally I had to block him. If he is doing something like trying to text a date or meet you at your place on a first date or some other lousy cad move like that, he probably won’t learn. Don’t waste your time, which brings us to, the clueless.
The clueless are the ones who can’t seem to progress from a chat to a text message to a phone call to a date. They might be mildly interested in dating you but they just can’t make the progression. These types of men tend to be the ones who have never been in a long term relationship. Somewhere along the way they literally missed the skills lesson in getting a date with a woman. Being shy is one thing but a grown man not being able to execute a simple dating protocol is a problem. The advice is to let them learn elementary level dating protocol on someone else other than you. If they are younger then cut them more slack as they have an excuse for their lack of etiquette skills.
Not all men are like this
Just a disclaimer that obviously not all men are like this. The point is, that with everyone and anyone mixing online like a crazy stew, you may very well run across the lazy communicator, the never asks you on the date, or the clueless. The point is to rule these people out making room in your life for normal guys that can be true friends or boyfriends. Whether they really and truly are lazy and clueless, or just playing lazy and clueless while messing around on line, they are not to be taken seriously. Think of them as someone that only has fingers that can type but no mouth that they can talk out of and no feet that they can use to go out on a date with. Identifying and weeding out the text chatting chaff saves you time and energy.
Lastly, never give out personal information on line! If you meet someone from online, do not give out more than a cell phone number and only do so if you feel comfortable. You can always ask for their number and call from a restricted phone if you feel unsure. Choose a busy crowded venue during the day to meet them for the first time. Men that aren’t into you are the exact ones that want to meet you in weird inappropriate places such as your place or theirs. Never ever, ever fall for this as it is not safe. If you are the gullible type it pays to read up on online dating for advice on physical safety and dating protocol.