The concept behind mirroring in dating is that people tend to trust someone that is like them and be leery of someone that is not like them. It is unfortunate in the sense that people could hold a prejudice over a particular partner that behaves differently on the one hand. On the other hand, we all know how good it feels to meet someone that we feel is cut from the same cloth. For example, some one from our home town or from our high school. There is just a comfort and safety in someone that came from the same neighborhood as you or works where you work or went to your school etc.
The principle behind mirroring is to put your behavior in sync with your partners thereby increasing their comfort level around you. The good news is that with a little skill and patience you can apply mirroring to your dating situation. It isen’t done as a game but rather to make the other person relax and adapt yourself to their tempo and pace in the relatoinship. Dating coaches and self help books will tell you to apply common sense mirroring to dating.
You might hear that you should mirror their posture or conversation. One big one is they say you should mirror the amount of effort they put into you. Only put about as much effort into them as they are putting into you. That sets your relationship pace to theirs so they can move along in it comfortably.
Apply the mirroring to texting
Mirroring works amazingly well as a strategy when it comes to texting. In fact, if you apply the mirroring principle to your texting you will avert over texting the person. You’ll only text them as much as they text you. This works great to keep your texting patterns in check. With mirroring, you’ll want to only text message the person you are dating about as much as they text you. This sets a texting tempo that puts you in sync with them. It will save you so many problems if you do this. As long as you are texting them with approximate regularity that they initiate text with you, they won’t get annoyed.
The only problem comes when you mirror them in texting and notice that they just aren’t texting you very often at all, if at all. If you apply mirroring you are going to become aware of changes or patterns in the texting very quickly. Often these patterns are good indicators of where your relationship is going.
For example if you are dating someone that has other options, they may rarely initiate text with you. You could be put on their back burner because they have different friends and are even dating several other people casually. This kind of person will only materialize once a week if that. If they are a player, you may hear from them even less than that.
By mirroring their texting you are going to get a clear sign of just how often they care to contact you on their own volition. You might not like what you see, but see it you will. Try not to compensate for their lack of texting because this leads to obsessive texting.
If they never text you and you always have to initiate take note. You may start to compensate for their lack of initative by making up for it through becoming more aggresive yourself. Not good. Though they might always respond to your texts, if you find you are the one always saying hi and inventing conversation, its not mirroring anymore. It is you pursuing them and you’ll have to back down and text them less to fall back in sync.
Don’t get self absorbed and over compensate
Apply the mirroring technique to texting for a while. Yes it will be a calculated move on your part and to a certain extent you will be faking it and synching up your texting patterns to theirs on purpose. Even so, you can fake it until you make it. It’s a great way to see the stark truth of where the relationship is going, and lets you see who is more interested in who. Try to adjust your behavior to mirror theirs so that you aren’t inadvertently becoming the agressive one in your relationship while the other person does little to no work and takes you for granted.
Sorry to say that if you really stick to the mirroring you may find out some truths that you don’t want to confront. For example you may find out that you are doing all the work in this relationship, always texting them whats up, always initiating plans, always being the first one to make an effort. If that is the case, you’ll need to back down your behavior until it is mirroring theirs.
Once you get your mirroring in synch if you discover this person only wishes to rear up every few weeks then you may have to decide if you want such a loose connection with someone. It will become clear if all you are is an option to them. If you can handle it and want to hang in there then do so, but at your own risk. Dating coach experts will tell you that you should be exploring your own options and not waiting around while someone keeps shopping for new partners right under your nose.
Usually a person that only wants to communicate with you through texts every now and then, just isen’t into you. Once you figure out that you are trying to lead and they are not following, you may need to opt out. You could go find someone that wants to communicate with you as much as you want to communicate with them.
You never know if you apply your mirroring technique to texting and you were pursuing the person too heavily and make an adjustment, they may notice your change in behavior. It may make them want you more and pick up their efforts a little bit. If your partner picks up the slack and starts initiating texts more its a really positive sign. If not, then recognize the texting as dead in the water and perhaps a sign that your relationship with this person is thinning out and becoming non existent. With mirroring, at least you will know the truth sooner rather than later and you won’t be deluding yourself by texting someone all the time and thinking that means they care. They don’t.
Try to apply the mirroring principle to your texting patterns with your girlfriend or boyfriend. If you feel like you are doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship, stop lifting, back up and mirror their texting efforts. You will undoubtedly get a good understanding of their true interest level. If you have been compulsive texting them to the point of annoyance, mirroring will help you temper you texting down to be more in sync with theirs.
The more in sync with your boyrfiend or girlfriend you are the better your chances of them falling in love with you. You’ll be connecting with them on equal ground and it can create rapport that goes way beyond just faking it to validate and agree with someone. The effort you make to get onto the same wavelength that they are will be appreciated and your partner will likely become more attentive and willing to keep going in a relationship with you if that is what you want.
Mirroring is an easy and simplistic yet powerful way to keep your texting in check once you understand the principle behind it. If you have a tendency to obsess and want to compulsively text message a partner who does not share the same desire to text, try to apply mirroring. It is an means for keeping yourself in sync with them and not getting over text zeolous. The power of mirroring should not be underestimated so give it a try hopefully it will help you cut back on compulsive texting.