More texting rules and tips for online dating and beginning relationships

If you must text, use it as an addition to calling and traditional phone conversations, not as a replacement or alternative to calling

While text messaging is about as unromantic as it comes, you might be a true text message addict who just has to use it. Does borderline text addict describe you? If so, here are some tips to help you try and keep the texting right, if you must text. The biggest thing to remember is that texting should only add value to a connection that happens with phone calls and face to face dates, not as a replacement or alternative communication mechanism. If you can keep texts infrequent and not fundamental to the communication it will be best. A one line text every now and then can put some butterflies into your romantic interests tummy and make them think about you. Be careful though, that you don’t get sucked in to much more than that! If one text is going to escalate and quickly evolve into an exchange of 30, its not working. Opt out and use the phone instead.

If you feel yourself constantly texting and getting swept into the vortex of more and more texts, and are unable to follow these simple guidelines its time to quit.

Don’t skip the Phone call

Never try to use text message to arrange a first date with someone. At most you could text and ask when is a good time to call. You’ve got to initiate a phone call once you move off the dating site email exchange plane. To try and continue interacting on texts and not put in the phone calls is lazy and plain rude. You need to have some phone calls with the person and texting is no replacement.

Wait for a response from the fist text and don’t send a shotgun sequence of messages

I once sent somebody 16 texts to their inbox. The next morning when they woke up to the 16 texts and hadn’t looked at them yet they were disgusted with me and upset. It’s just annoying I learned (the hard way) to the recipient. I rarely ever text at all anymore now that I kicked the habit but its both sad and funny to me the naive text mistakes I made that annoyed the day lights out of someone. The person is going to think you are crazy and have no self control to shoot off that many texts. It’s like someone that can‘t seem to stop talking.

Don’t be pushy or aggressive

A little bit of self effacing attitude is good on text. You don’t want to come across as super aggressive and pushy when texting. Don’t get bent out of shape and fly off the handle when someone isn’t around at your text beck and call. Don’t lose temper and patience over text messages or response time to text messages, or jump all over someone for not responding. Don’t exhibit anger and rage on text or they will think you need some anger management and try to get away from you fast. It will only serve to push them away.

Don’t drunk Text

Drunk texts between 2AM and 3AM after the club closes are totally obnoxious. You’ll be treating them disrespectfully and also making yourself look bad too. If you are tipsy think of texting like driving. You shouldn’t even attempt to do it. Not only are you going to wake the person up and upset them, you might say something regrettable. They don’t need to know the ins and outs of your current state of inebriation or sobriety. Let them think its a mystery until the next day when you are coherent.

Don’t use smiley Faces

With the smart phones there are plenty of smiley face options available to show your every emotion. Some are cute and animated, but who cares they are corny. Smiley emotions are only good if you are a young person. For that age bracket its fine but as you get older and especially for adult singles dating on the dating sites, emotions are too corny.

Don’t use Slang

Don’t text what you would characterize as whistles and hoot hoots yelled out of speeding car windows. Things like UR HOT, and HEY SEXY, and WOTUP make you sound like lascivious. They make you sound like you are under the influence. That might not go over so well to the recipient who is not in such a mind set. It will be a turn off.

Try to spell

Especially if you are an adult dater, it just comes across as juvenile or for that matter disrespectful to misspell words and use short hand abbreviations. Don’t skip letters and vowels and create license plate lingo. It sort of denigrates the budding relationship and sets too casual of a tone when you utilize the short hand lingo. There is a certain element of disrespect that comes across when you use the urban dictionary type language. The person you text like this is going to feel like you are treating them poorly, which you are.

No stalking!

Stalking is a big no-no. Don’t send texts demanding whereabouts, information, actions, or hurling accusations in rapid nonstop succession. In the throes of a fight you can say all sorts of spiteful things. What happens if later the person stores the messages and uses them against you? Don’t get carried away and in trouble by virtue of your own foul mouthed text messages, you get the point.

Never curse, swear, use foul language, hurl threats or levy serious accusations on text message. All of this can wind up in small claims court or divorce court. You don’t want a police report or a restraining order so don’t execute crazy behavior on text message that can land you in trouble. Sometimes you just let it hurl on text not realizing that your messages are inappropriate and can be saved for posterity. Judge, so and so sent me 75 text messages in a 48 hour window of time accusing me and threatening to throw me out of the house and take my kids, etc. I am in fear. You get the idea. People take threats and accusations seriously and it is a big mistake to think that text message is some safe venue to let it rip. It’s just like an email it can be saved and used against you. If you have that kind of anger stay completely away from the person and away from getting yourself into trouble. It is not worth it. If you are losing it then do a self-imposed restraining order, get help if you need it, and save yourself the trouble of the law.

Think before you text and give the recipient of a text message plenty of time to respond before you fire off another text message to them

You need to be able to exhibit self control. Know how to act. If you have no self control to where you are incessantly texting someone they will be driven away from you faster than anything. To stem yourself from stalking like text behavior, always wait in between texts. If you get a text message then wait around 20 minutes to reply to it. This gives you time to think through the response and make sure you are not just shooting from the hip. Also, give people ample time to respond to your text messages. They could be busy or occupied or unavailable. It does no good for the relationship to start harassing them like where were you and then leaving 30 where the heck were you messages on their phone. This kind of behavior will get you dumped big time. Have patience and make sure to wait and think before responding and don’t send a stack up of texts. The conversation should ping pong back and forth and if it isn’t doing that, quit texting.

Don’t text for a late night rendezvous

After hours texting is a world unto itself. It’s the lowest of the lowest of the low relationship. Maybe it works for a while but as time passes an after hours text relationship is going to make the person texted feel like a fool and you’ll look disrespectful. It basically makes both of the people look awful. If you are having a relationship try to use the phone at least, or don‘t have that relationship. It may seem fun to text and get together late at night but eventually one of the two involved will be curled up into a ball of depression regretting it.

Don’t get Inappropriate

It is absolutely incredible how texting can quickly slide out of control into the mean and nasty. It can start out as How are you, move to U are so Gorgeous, to O Really what are you Wearing, to Can you send me a picture, and so On. That’s exactly how fast you can slip from a compliment to inappropriate behavior. In the beginning of a relationship, inappropriate flirtation really slides the relationship onto a trajectory of the totally wrong tone. It’s like, if you don’t walk on the straight and narrow you will slip slide off onto an inappropriate tangent. A perfectly promising romance can turn into something else as a result of that one little slip up that lets things between you take a different tone. If you’re a guy protect the girl and don’t go there, and if you’re a girl run away fast from a guy who is so blatantly only after flirtation. If his mind goes to the gutter in 60 seconds he is not interested nor is he likely to ever treat you right.

As far as texting goes, leave it for when you know the person well and all of the boundaries and parameters are figured out. You don’t want to send an almost stranger pictures of your yourself in a momentary lapse of common sense. How do you know who they will show it to and if anything will even take off between the two of you. It’s just naive and shouldn’t be done at the outset of a relationship. Try to keep the banter light and easy, friendly and g-rated, and something that wouldn’t mortify you if you left your cell phone out at the water cooler at work. For more flirty texting, wait until you are a couple and feel totally safe and comfortable. Avoid explicit texts until long after you are an item and that way you won’t find yourself giving regrettable information to someone that disappears into the sunset, along with your pictures.


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