My ex has not called me but I want to get them back. Should I text my ex?

The reason getting your ex back is so difficult is that if you contact them too often or too soon after the break up it can inadvertently push them even further away from you.  The hard part is that this is the time where you do want to contact them the most and you shouldn’t!


The key to re-connecting with your ex is patience.  There are two things that will work in your favor.  The first is that you should withdraw and drop contact with your ex for a while after a break up.  If your ex broke up then it should be pretty evident they want their space.  You need to give it to them.  If you lose patience and push for your ex to talk to you or rehash things or try to subject your ex to your point of view when they aren’t ready to hear it, you are going to blow your chances.

A side benefit of withdrawing is that if you leave your ex alone for a while then they might actually have a chance to miss you and think about things as well.  They will cool off and the issues should have a chance to blow over.  By giving your ex this space you are showing respect.  You are showing that you respect their wishes not to be contacted more than your own selfish desire to run after them and bother them against their will.  Given enough time apart your ex may actually come back and contact you.  This is a great advantage in getting back with your ex.  If you give them time to touch base with you on your own then you are at a better position to win them back.

Give your ex a chance to wonder what you are up to

It may take a few months however after some serious time has passed your ex might actually wonder what you have been up to.  By this time they have not heard from you long past when they figured they would.  Curiosity sets in and they will want to know what you are up to and get information as to whether you found someone new and moved on.  This is exactly the time that they may initiate contact with you.  When you’ve finally given up ever talking to them again is when they just might get in touch. 

Men can go for several months without contacting an ex.  They keep busy and to themselves or date other people.   They can seriously occupy themselves for months before they will actually come back around.  Women have a harder time breaking ties however if your woman had a strong group of friends or other dating options she also will hold out for a good period of time.  Regardless of whether your ex is male or female, if they cared about you then there will be a chance they will re-connect with you on their own will without you having to force it.  If you just give them some time, they might.

Show your ex respect by not contacting them and giving them space

This is an important tip! If you want to get your ex back you need to be patient and give them their space.  If they ask to be left alone then follow their wishes.  Don’t text them, call them, email them, or bother them.  Don’t send long winded letters, flowers, gifts, mushy notes, crying messages or anything that smacks of emotional instability. 

If you wait long enough they may come back around.  At that point you need to be ready to rekindle things and make your ex remember why they missed you and what was so great about being around you.  Your goal at that point will be to bring your ex back into your arms exactly where you want them to be. But at the same time, you do want to be able to gently resolve any issues that you two had for the purpose of not letting history repeat itself with another breakup over those issues.

Last try to reach out to them

If your ex never gets in touch with you after some three months or more have passed it is safe to say that you should get on with your life.  If you truly feel your ex is the one, you can always get in touch surreptitiously at some later point in time.  If you love them and have not heard from them in months, you obviously have to be proactive and say something. One suggestion is to wait for an event to come such as their birthday, a holiday, graduation or some sort of milestone and then drop them a line, wishing them well.  Watch carefully if your ex seems receptive to responding and possibly even getting back together.  If they start talking and say they’ve missed you then this is your opening for a second chance. 

If you reach out to your ex a few times and your ex still seems to have no interest in you then it is safe to say that they have moved on, and so should you.


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