No contact after breaking up

Are you landing here from google because you have a man who is making it clear that he is no longer interested?  Is he not calling you, fading out after having slept with you, or barely deigning to even text back after a couple of dates?  Is he ending a long-term relationship?  Regardless of your breakup or he’s fading situation specifics, going silent on him has its benefits if you can stand to do it.  Willpower.

Demonstrate your value

One of the best things about going silent is that it enables you to show him that you can live and survive without him.  Crawling on your hands and knees and telling him how much you miss him with daily text messages is such a mistake.  It only confirms a mans decision that you are desperate and that he may be able to do better.  Even though you think you are doing nothing but withering away with silence, know that you are doing something very effective with silence.  You are demonstrating that you have self-esteem and value.  If he doesn’t want to be with you, then you accept it rather than becoming a basket case.

The gift of missing you

If you have been dumped, or had to dump him because he was fading on you and stringing you along, never fear.  Let him go experience life without your existence in it.  Granted he may be happier without you and realize he doesn’t miss your shenanigans at all.  Yet if that is the case, he wouldn’t be contacting you anyways!  So it pays to give him the gift of missing you.  There is always the possibility that he will feel your absence and decide he wants you around in his life.  Staying in his face and chasing him and contacting him does not give him this valuable gift.  Staying away does.

Establish boundaries

If you’ve been dumped, disappeared on or feel like you are being slowly blown off and that your formerly promising relationship is experienced a slow death, it’s time to empower yourself.  You can’t control that he decided he doesn’t like you or that he thinks there is someone better out there.  Men make decisions to dismiss a woman for reasons you never even imagined.  They could be looking for someone to enhance them financially, further their career, someone who lives in their area, or just someone younger for example.  None of that is under your control, so why try to dissect or control his decisions.

Staying silent is not going to bring a man back who has already decided after experiencing you for a while that he is just not interested.  It won’t make him like you if he already decided he doesn’t.  It will however, bolster up your ego and self-esteem to back off with pride.  Don’t let him get you down.  Don’t stay in touch groveling to salvage things while he does god knows what with who.  He will only see you as desperate and pathetic if you act all dejected.  You may never be able to get him back.  But if there is any hope whatsoever, it is probably increased by your silence.  Don’t stay friends and sit on the sidelines obsessed with what he is up to either. 

Let him know that you have solid, strong boundaries.  Do this by living with his decision.  You don’t want to let him know that you are sitting around faking staying friends with him because you really are still interested.  Don’t delude yourself with false hope.  A fading out man will be more than happy to stay friends or even bed buddies if you allow him to.  Don’t give him the opportunity to use you as an ego boost or jump-off to his next girlfriend.

Let him live with his decision to have dropped you.  If he blew you off or started to disappear let him live with the fact that you don’t make plans or pursue a disappearing man.  He’s either interested and acting like it, or not interested and not getting any of your affection or attention either.  Having this attitude will encourage him to question why he threw you away.  If ever you had a chance of him coming back, being a strong woman who moves forward after a breakup just fine, will increase that chance.

Remove the safety net

Men think of women as stepping-stones.  They want to step from stone to stone if they must, but never get wet in between.  If you feel a man losing interest and starting to fade out on you, don’t sit by on the sidelines being the stone he is stepping from.  Women’s intuition is so strong and if you feel him fading out on you then don’t rationalize those feelings away.  Trust your gut instinct.  Don’t sit on the sidelines trying to salvage things while he is in the meantime looking to trade up to a new stone in the dating river.  It will only decrease your value and increase his motive for dumping you.  It also gives him a free opportunity to use you.  He can watch you squirm and try to perform better while he meanwhile methodically looks for someone hotter and sweeter.

By removing yourself as his safety net you actually increase your value.  You cut him off and he is forced to wonder if he threw away a girl he should not have.  That is priceless because it puts the doubt back on him.  Let him be doubting dumping you rather than you be doubting yourself and feeling as though you are not good enough.

Silence is very important after a breakup.  Taking a breakup well and ceasing contact with him increases your value.  It shows him that you have boundaries and are not going to continue to pursue someone who is not wholly interested or invested in you.  It shows him that you have strong boundaries and would rather leave than get strung along and trampled or played.  It gives him a chance to miss you too.  If you leave him alone to deal with the consequence of his decision it puts the breakup doubt onto him and far away from you. 

Before you start to get depressed and beat yourself up after being blown off, try to remember that he did like you in the first place.  He was attracted.  Though it may not have worked out, you cannot be too down on yourself.  Don’t call or text him from time to time because he will know that you are still pining over him.  Not every single relationship works out no matter how bad you wanted it to.  Maybe he was a little out of your league and that is not such a bad thing because you reached for the stars in dating him.  The fact that you put yourself out of your comfort zone will make you stronger and clarify what you want, what you are looking for, and what type of behavior you will tolerate from a man.  Cheer up because there are other people out there even though it seems right now like your world is coming to an end.  You never know what is coming around the corner.

Leave him alone and see if he contacts you within a few months.  If he doesn’t, just let it go.  You have no idea how much time you saved.  If you keep chasing a man who really is not interested it is the biggest life suck ever.   You are escaping a total time sink!  Believe it or not you are better off tooling around single than you are chasing after a guy that isn’t really interested in a relationship with you.  You’ll spent months or years chasing, come up empty-handed, and have serious regrets over wasting your time too.  Better to keep your self-respect in tact and heal, because getting over a guy that didn’t genuinely care for you can take three times longer than the time you even spent pursuing him!  The hotter he is, the more time you may waste obsessing over him too.  He may have gotten away, but you and your own self-esteem are something you need to live with for the rest of you life. Don’t ever let a man trash that.

Silence after a breakup


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