I get readers writing in to me asking me the basic question of why they find themselves in the predicament of obsessively texting their boyfriends. Here are some of the most common reasons why. If you have an obsessive texting problem, it’s good to recognize why that obsession is taking hold.
Allot of the times, the obsessive texting is in direct response to the relationship heading south. Unfortunately, the obsessive texting will only make it head south faster.
It is also often the case that obsessive compulsively texting a boyfriend is indicative of a women who has an existing tendency for obsesssion. For example, women who obsess over men, don’t give up, and get caught up in go nowhere relationships are good candidates for finding themselves with obsessive texting issues. So, yes, there might be an elemental core part of your personality that makes you prone to text obsession.
On top of your personality flaws however, are some very common reasons that you might be getting obsessed if you aren’t already obsessed. In this article we will touch on a few of them.
Interest levels that don’t match up
Obsession often takes hold when the woman is more interested in the man than he is interested in her (or vice versa). Differing interest levels can help lead to obsessive texting. It is said in the books on seduction that men are in total control of the relationship when the woman’s interest in him is higher than their interest level in the woman.
Books written by successful womanizers and players that are teaching men how to effectively seduce women advise them that they can even fake a lack of interest in the woman on purpose to help instigate that pursuit pattern in the women. The goal is to set up conditions so that the woman can be more easily seduced.
It is advisable to asses his interest level in you before you get intimate with this person. If he is less interested in you and you have intimate encounters with him, you may be setting yourself up for obsessive behavior.
Sensing that he is backing away
Often times a woman will sense that a man is backing away. Sometimes this occurs within the first three to six months of dating. The man enjoys an initial honeymoon and romantic relationship with the woman but realizes over the course of a few months that he is not falling in love with her. So he starts to back away to extricate himself, hoping not to hurt you.
The slow disappearing act is not missed by a woman. Often times, she is honestly both scared and hurt because deep down she knows it is happening. If she does not want the back away to happen she might start to fill in that broadening silence with her own noise. In other words, he contacts her less so she contacts him more. The power shift is happening and both people know it but she just doesn’t want to accept it is over. She tries to text more, contact more, be nicer, promise to change, beg, whatever. The more obsessively desperate she becomes, the more he backs away.
Unfortunately when a man starts to back away, behaviors to fill in the gap (such as texting him more to compensate) don’t help the situation. Most dating wisdom on how to catch him and keep him advocate that you never try and compensate for him. Sadly, you need to feel the pain and let the gap open. Don’t stop him from backing away. If he comes back around (for more than just a little late romantic action) on his own volition you are making progress and if he leaves on his own volition you should probably just accept it.
You can let him know you feel him distancing himself and it hurts you. But that’s all you need to do really. Obsessively texting him so you don’t have to hear the sound of your own echo isn’t going to help. Women start to obsessively text when they feel a man backing away and this is a big mistake as it will hasten his departure. Don’t pursue him.
Making yourself too available
We all know that men like the chase. Obsession with one man will make yourself too available to him and he may start to treat you like the classic doormat. He may wander off and date other people always pondering if the grass is greener. Then in between his god knows what escapades he makes his way back to the comfort of you.
It feels like he is blowing hot and cold. When he is bored, lonely, or temporarily tired of dating and missing you, he blows hot. When he has other action in his life to keep him distracted, he blows cold.
Becoming the doormat girlfriend to a man puts you in immediate text obsession danger. It is going to be a texting land mine. You’ll be constantly fighting about your status with him and even though its really him that is making you obsess by blowing hot and cold and keeping you at arms length, it becomes your obsesssion. Once you are obsessed, you actually cause the breakup by chasing him away! Sad but true.
Try not to make yourself too available to anyone you are seeing lest they start treating you like a doormat and taking you for granted. Because once you are taken for granted you are prime for turning yourself into an obsessed fan of this man. He needs to go out of his way for you from time to time and make sure he knows that. The higher value that you put on yourself and the stronger you maintain your own personal boundaries the better he will treat you.
Being non Exclusuve
Casual dating lends itself towards obsession, texting harassment and stalking. If a man is intimate with you while casually dating other women at the same time this is a number one cause of obsession. You are going to be obsessed about who he is meeting, seeing, and what he is doing with his free time.
If you can’t handle a non-exclusive relationship, you definitely should not be romantically involved with this person. If you do become physically bonded to him, you risk becoming more emotionally involved with someone than he is with you. That’s when obsession kicks in. If you are spying on his social profiles and wondering what he is doing and texting him questions about his whereabouts constantly, consider yourself obsessed. Granted, his relaxed dating promiscuity is fueling your obsession, but your obsession it is.
Once he senses obsession (even if its his own dating behavior that is fueling it) he will back off. When he backs off you’ll sense that too and can become potentially even more obsessed. That’s why all the dating books recommend waiting until you are exclusive before becoming intimate with him. It’s easier for most women to handle and helps them stay on an even keel. If you are sharing a man your stomach will be in constant knots and your cell phone fingers will be a-blazing. Therefore, don’t be in a casual romantic relationship that is non exclusive unless you have a nerves of steel like Lara Croft and an alpha female personality that can handle it.
Getting overly emotional
If your interests level don’t match, you sense that he is backing away or a breakup is imminent, you are too available, he’s dating other people, and you get overly emotional about him, you could be heading towards obsessive behavior. It is important to note that obsessively texting him will not help the situation and will actually hurt the situation.
As hard as it is, if some of these reasons ring true to you, you may be in danger of obsessively texting and destroying the chance to repair or continue a relationship that is already on thin ice. If any of these scenarios ring true to you then it may be wise to try and separate yourself from the situation for a few weeks. Yes, your love interest might meet someone else tomorrow if you aren’t badgering him and you take that chance. However, getting in total control of your emotions is the only way you are going to save a teetering relationship.
If you think you are getting obsessed it is time to back off and regroup. Don’t address any relationship concerns with him over text message and furthermore wait until your emotions are totally calmed down before texting or otherwise communicating. Recognizing your progression towards obsession and thwarting it by giving yourself some time, separation and space is really your best chance. Instead of trying to change him, work on controlling your own obsessive behavior. You’d be surprised because working on yourself and your own issues might actually bring him closer to you.