Obsession is all about getting wrapped up in the fact that you can’t have the person. That old phrase of you always want what you can’t have is so true. We are innately wire to seek out and take on challenges so subconsciously, we believe that getting a challenging guy self-improves us by proxy. Not true. Being obsessed with a man who is also dating three other women does not self-improve you. It actually makes you pathetic, and more unhappy!
Being infatuated with somebody can be fine, and even healthy but only to a certain extent. You need to know when infatuation has gone too fa and now you are into the unhealthy preoccupation territory. Be honest with yourself and if you are obsessing and becoming mentally dependent on somebody you must recognize it and deal with it head on.
Are you obsessed
You are obsessed when you literally can’t keep this person out of your mind. If most of the day you find this person floating into your mind then you are obsessed, not infatuated. If activities are affected or not as fun because you lose sleep, constantly think about them, ad feel emotionally damaged because they are blowing you off, its obsession not infatuation.
If you are expecting to get into a relationship with a man who, for many months if not more has treated you like a hookup or less, its obsession. Realistically, someone who has already blown you off or categorized you as booty-call and treated you poorly, is not going to suddenly become a model boyfriend. If you are primarily the one seeking out communication with them and it is generally not reciprocated, its obsession. Obsession is when they rarely initiate contract with you, it’s all you doing the work, and they may or may not deign to respond. The obsession may be coming from and feeding off of their lak of interest in you. But the bottom line is that if they aren’t interested in you, the last thing you should be doing is obsessing about them!
How to stop obsessing
First of all you need to detach and wean yourself away from men who are not interested in treating you like a true friend and caring about your existence. Start empowering yourself on a daily basis and keep reaffirming that your life will go on whether you text this person or not. You need to recapture your inner strength and independence. Start with the 48 hour no texting rule. Build yourself up to not contacting them for hours, then days, then weeks, then months.
Detaching takes time but you can do it. Try to exchange your obsession with him for obsession for something else that is productive. Get on a beauty routine, get that procedure you always wanted done, fine a new place to live, get a pet, or take on a project of meaning. Do something that really keeps you busy even if its cleaning house. This person isn’t interested in you, and your life will definitely go on!
Turn to others you care about for inspiration. That means trying to engage with some other people rather than stay isolated. Join a club, group, or workout class. Seek out different experiences that will enable you to be able to let go of a former love who has moved on. Distractions are great because you are squeezing out that obsession. Don’t do things that remind you of that person and try never to stalk them in person or in the social media as it will not help. You need the mindset of, if they are not with you or part of your life then what they are doing is totally irrelevant.
Detaching from an obsession is a long and hard process but people get through it all the time. It may take months or years but one day you will wake up feeling a little bit liberated because this person no longer occupies your head space. You’ll be happy to live a life where you are not having an unhealthy preoccupation with the thoughts and actions of somebody who is not even with you. Focusing on their wonderful life is unproductive. You will only be exaggerating their perceived happiness with someone new and beating yourself up for not being good enough.
Be wary of getting used
Being obsessed with a man drastically increases your chances of getting used and discarded by him. So if nothing else, you should detach from a man who is unresponsive just to protect your own integrity. If you are intimate with a man who barely contacts you, only responds to your initiations, restricts communication to only texts, and never brings you to his house or around his friend and real life, you’re nothing but a fool! Watch out for that obsession because it’s only going to get you hurt.
When you are hanging on to his responses and you rarely hear from him, the last thing you should be doing is obsessing over why can’t he be your boyfriend. He isn’t and won’t be, so deal with it and don’t grovel after someone who is treating you as a side-option and doesn’t care about you enough to pick up the phone and call you.
You can’t control whether someone wants to be with you or move on. Try to be the best person you can be and better yourself. There is always going to be someone out there who is smarter, prettier, younger, loaded, and so forth. Therefore falling into a trap of why her and not me is just not productive. Remember always that the other person has free choice and can pursue whom they choose. They may be looking for a particular woman and they determine you are not their fit. If you continue obsessing over a man who is only showing mild interest, you set yourself for being used for sex or intermittent intimacy and you will be treated poorly if you allow it.
You need to protect yourself because being obsessed with someone who is not interested in you as relationship material will only lead to you getting used and abused. A man in this mindset might continue to see you because you are so into him, and get benefits. But when someone better comes along he will leave in a heartbeat. Invest in yourself and care about your needs. You are your own priority and so stay focused on health, exercise and pampering yourself. The stronger you are and the more radically you reject poor treatment, the better you will be treated by others.
Detach from men who aren’t interested
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