Are you obsessing over texting in your current relationship? Do you rationalize it as you just being an emotional girl? Wrong. More often than not, you are obsessing about texting because you are in a casual relationship with a man who is not interested in you enough to be in a real relationship with you.
The fact that you are in a casual relationship is usually glaringly obvious, but instead, you as a woman are going to have a tendency to dunce cap along obsessing about texting. Why isn’t he texting me, why doesn’t he respond, what is he doing this weekend, is he really that busy, why doesn’t he initiate, what am i doing wrong, blah, blah, blah. All of it usually adds to the fact that you are with a guy who just isn’t interested enough to put forth an effort and you are simply wriggling in displeaure. Wriggling around trying to put off the pain that is going to come when you finally realize that you aren’t going to get what you want out of him.
You aren’t emo, something is actually wrong!
Most women rationalize their texting obsession as them just being the typical emo (emotional) female. Wrong. That is usually not the problem. The problem, is that you are seeing a man who is simply not as interested in you as you want him to be.
Excusing your obsession by assuming your just too man obsessed, is dumb. If you are obsessed, there is usually something glaringly wrong. You’re obsession is not causing the problem but rather a reaction to your feelings that something is off. What is usually the problem, is not your texting obsession, but rather the fact that you’ve been boxed into a category of casual relationship and he is never, ever going to let you out of that box. As long as you stay with him, you will be in that box. You will constantly feel like something is wrong. And you will rationalize the insecurity as being caused by your own emotional behavior. When in fact, something really is wrong! He is not that into you! That is what is wrong! It is usually not you that is the problem instead it’s you acting crazy text obsessed because you are trapped in a casual relationship and don’t see the light enough to give up and leave!
Believe your own feelings, and own them
The biggest clue that you are in a casual relationship is that you start obsessing over texting and contact issues. You become needy and you start to over analyze. The reason you get crazy is that something actually does feel wrong. Do you want to get to the bottom of this? OK. Well, trust me it’s not because you are obsessed. If you want to get to the bottom of what is obviously a casual relationship, then here is what to do: believe your own feelings and intuition instead of ignoring them and rationalizing them away as you being too emotional or obsessed.
The biggest way that women get stuck in casual text relationships is that they do not believe in or validate their own feelings. Instead, they blame themselves for making mistakes and being too needy, clingy or obsessive. This is wrong! This is blaming yourself for what is glaringly obvious that he is not treating you like you want to be treated!
Do you have sinking feelings in the pit of your stomach because he is ignoring your texts, he no longer initiates, he can’t seem to keep a plan with you straight, or he is employing the I am busy excuse to string you along as an option? Trust your emotions! Stop putting yourself down as being crazy and start looking at what he is actually doing. A man who wants to avoid a relationship, but continue to have casual sex with you, is dissing you. He is going to keep dissing you for as long as you allow it, and then he is going to move on. If you want a relationship with him you have a better chance of throwing down the gauntlet on his behavior than you do when you try to contort yourself into acting cool with it.
Quit putting yourself down for what he ia doing and for what is glaringly obvious. Your obsessed feelings are actually legitimate because he is treating you poorly and instead of realizing and confronting reality, you are spineless and blaming your own behavior. Women get really far into this because they actually blame themselves and then decide if they are just nicer, more accepting, sweeter and etc that they can get out of the box they are in. This is a fallacy. The only way to get out of the box of a casual relationship is to leave it. Sticking around and rationalizing it just means contorting yourself to living in an uncomfortable box which is definitely going to make you crazy and text obsessed.
If you find yourself text obsessed and over-analyzing your interactions with him, it’s because he simply is not interested in you as much as you want him to be. He probably has some other stuff going on with other women you aren’t even privy to, and he’s boxed you in to a casual relation which is why you are squirming and obsessing. It’s glaringly obvious, but instead, you are putting yourself down by thinking that its your shortcomings that got you into the casual relationship box.
If you actually bring up the status of a relationship with a guy that is just not interested in having anything other than a casual relationship, he will try to out tactic you. He will say, stop being so dramatic, stop being so emotional, just let a man be a man. He will even convince you that its your behavior and that your concerns are not legitimate. He may even go so far as to say your dramatic behavior is the problem. Wrong! Don’t let him convince you that you’re crazy or that your legitimate concerns over how he is treating you are your own fault. Don’t let him scapegoat you that way and don’t suck up all the blame.
The second you start to question your own emotions and intuitions, is the second you are going to get used and strung along by him. So long as he is able to sh*t all over you, he will, because you are taking it. The next time you feel upset because he’s blown you off in favor of being with his friends, own it. Don’t be afraid to let him know what bothers you and whatever you do don’t let him blame his behavior back on you. The second he says I am blowing you off or doing that or that or acting this way or that way because you are being to dramatic, he is using you as a scapegoat and blaming you for the casual relationship you are blocked into. At that point, the relationship perpetuates in going nowhere because you start to blame yourself and think oh if I just change the way I act he will like me more. So you become more and more accommodating while he guess what, uses yoU!
Let his interest level play itself out
If you notice yourself getting all emo and dramatic over your situation with him, here is a trick that will bring out the glaringly obvious reality that you are in a casual, go nowhere relationship. Back off. Try a little bit of silence. Quit squirming and trying to fix things. Quit over analyzing.
Step back and see what he does. Odds are you won’t hear from him much and suddenly you will see the glaringly obvious signs that he just isn’t interested in anything serious with you. This is such a great strategy because it actually avoids you squirming, machinating, and trying to manipulate your brain that you have something more with him. Back off, then actions will speak louder than all the words. Does he text you? Does he ask how you are? Does he make plans with you and keep them? Does he invite you over, or out? Quit worrying about what you are doing wrong and watch carefully what he is doing.
The sooner you stop brushing your feelings under a rug, and the sooner you stop allowing him to blame his behavior back on you, the better off you will be. A guy is actually going to be more attracted to a girl who owns her emotions and intuitions and refuses to take the blame for them. This girl is going to be on an equal footing with him because she believes in herself and what she is feeling. She is not a pushover.
It’s actually smart for you to call into question your feelings about a relationship, even if it rocks the boat. A man who only wants to string you along in a casual relationship isn’t going to shine a light in your face and tell you what he is doing. He is just going to keep doing what he is doing then blaming you for your uncomfortable reaction to being put in the casual relationship box, for the box that he actually did put you in for whatever reason. So you have to trust your emotions and not allow him to blame your discomfort with the way you are being treated, not texted, etc, on your own drama.