Oxytocin, the broken heart, and text stalking behavior

You might have heard of the power of oxytocin, the so called love hormone.  It’s been known as a anti-stress hormone for people in relationships.  Love and intimate relations cause the development and release of the drug into your system.  Generally known as a good thing, oxytocin has it’s downsides too.  If you are used to getting the love high and then the boom is lowered and it’s taken away from you or a love is unreturned, the drop in the oxytocin can lead to serious withdrawal.  Essentially, this chemical that is released in our brain can be a good thing or sometimes it can be a bad thing since serious withdrawal leads to texting.

How to get over that oxytocin bonding that is making you obsessed with texting them

When you break up with someone or get broken up with, that love bonding can be hard to let go of. Rest assured though, that can definitely learn how to get over an oxytocin addiction. The biggest weapon you have is to give yourself some time away from the source of the high. Yes, you’ll go through a withdrawal and feel as though you are wilting but you will eventually self regulate. You will be able to move on and be able to live without that oxytocin connection. Sometimes you actually have to break that oxytocin bond to see a relationship clearly and for what it really is. It just takes time.

Withdrawel from a relationship

Because texting, instant messaging, emailing, or even talking on the telephone is available at everyone’s finger tips with cell phones glued to the hip, a person having to go through this oxytocin withdrawal can become a real clinger.  If you feel yourself continuing to text and text to meet some critical emotional need then this might be your situation.  Likewise, if you are trying to cope with a person who just won’t stop texting you it is good to understand why this person might be doing what they are doing to you.  People go through a serious, uncomfortable period of withdrawal when their cell phone connection to a love interest or text buddy gets taken away from them.

Social networking and oxytocin

Social networking online with facebook and tweeting, on-line interactive gaming and skyping has been shown to cause a major spike in oxytocin after just 10 minutes.  It also shows a reduction in cortisol which is the primary stress hormone.  Video games have a remarkable calming value when you are immersed.  In essense, you can be seduced very easily by texting and electronic social mediums.  Teenagers text from 1700-2000 messages a month and that means 50 messages a day on average!

What happens however, when that trust and chemical gets revoked from us?  You got it, withdrawel.  Your compulsive addiction to facebook, twitter, texting, interactive gaming, e-mail and facebooking can get you emotionally hooked.  If your addiction focuses on contact with primarily one person or entity on line, then what happens?  The rug gets pulled out from under you and you are scrambling to deal with oxytocin withdrawel.  This is exactly what can lead to compulsive text stalking behavior.  The withdrawal causes you to scramble after the source of your previous pleasure.  If you love is unrequited and no longer returned, you are going to feel like you are left hanging.

The way to deal with oxytocin withdrawel is to first of all never rely too heavily on one person or online game or whatever, for your happiness.  If you feel like you are getting addicted to someone or something it’s good to diversify.  That way, if someone or some thing gets cut off, you’ll be able to cope. 

Girls particularly, release their stress by feeling that communication high.  Their brains are wired for always communicating and hormones drive them to connect, feel and talk (and text).  Men’s hormones drive them to seek out physical intimacy. When they do, two neurotransmitters are released in a surge, dopamine and oxytocin.  Dopamine makes a girl feel good and oxytocin hits that sense of intimacy with bonding trust and connectedness.  Men feel those to a certain extent as well.

Seeing as girls and even boys in love need to talk and text alot, you understand how they can get hooked on texting and then when their text partner pulls the plug on the communication they get left emotionally hanging.  Not all relationships last a life time.  Some relationships you pin your hope on turn out to be fleeting.  Hurtful breakups happen all the time.  Everyone has to go through this at some point or another so you are not alone.

The dark side dangers of Oxytocin

The scary thing is that sometimes we fall madly in love with someone after just a few dates.  Have you ever found yourself tapping the desk and counting the minutes just waiting by the phone for a phone call or text message after being intimate with someone?  Have you sat around obsessing over should I text or shouldn’t I?  Stared at the phone wondering why haven’t they called or texted? Well that oxytocin can very easily turn your love affair into an obsession.

Oxytocin can fuel obsessions that cause us to remain in, or continue pursuing relationships that are wrong for us, based on deception and generally dead ends.  While oxytocin is just great when it comes to kissing, cuddling, and touching someone that you are together with, after a breakup you might still be feeling the love drug so much so that you are ignoring the red flags that the relationship is toxic.  That’s how intelligent people find themselves in relationships with men and women who are not monogomous, duplicitous cheaters, staying with people who are not going to commit to them, and even never going to marry them.

How to cope with text obsession due to Oxytocin

If you are unable to keep your head clear and see that a relationship is going nowhere, or has already ended, because of oxytocin then what you are going to need to do is cut yourself some slack.  You should read up here and elsewhere about oxytocin.  While it’s a great thing for two people in love, it can become unhealthy when you are in love but the love is not returned.  Just know what is going on.  The best way to withdraw from a relationship that you are grasping onto because you’re under oxytocin, is to stop physical contact for a while.  This usually helps your head clear from the effects.  Give yourself some time and you will in fact be better able to view the relationship rationally.

If you are obsessed with and running after a person by texting them, or even addicted to a game that’s giving you some calming pleasure to the distraction of your other friends and responsibilities take note of it.  Sometimes all you need to do is divorce yourself from the person or source of your affection.  If you can back away the high that you feel will slowly diminish and your rational brain will kick in.  That’s why they always recommend the no contact rule as a way of getting over someone or something you are addicted to. 

Time apart will diminish the love high hormone and if the relationship is not bringing you happiness or what you want in life, then getting distance is the cure.  An addiction to texting which is linked to oxytocin can definitely be broken.  All it takes is a break and some time to pass.  The key is realizing you need to disengage and slowly training yourself to do so. The initial separation is the hardest to endure and after some time apart you’ll slowly adapt and survive an ocytocin withdrawal. Just thing about all of the breakups in the world. If other people can survive a breakup without becoming a text stalker, then so can you.


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