Pacing the texts in a new relationship

New relationships are rather fragile.  In the first stages you definitely want to pace yourself so that you do not do a text over kill that end the relationship prematurely.  Here are a few tips for keeping the texts and the relationship healthy when it first starts out.

Keep it G rated

It may seem like a no-brainer but if you lurch full speed ahead you could be letting the lust mode ultimately blow it for you.  When there is attraction you get caught up in the passion and lose your logical thinking.  Don’t share super intimate behaviors early in the relationship.  That means do not get physical, and also do not text physical.  If you get too flirty and explicit on text earlier on it will dirty up the relationship and the part about getting to know the person all around just gets forgotten.  To avoid getting too naughty too early, keep your text messages and physical contact at a G-rated level.

Resist spending a long burst of time texting or hanging out together

You should pace yourself with your new interest.  That means, text every couple days or so, and date every couple days or so.  It is important to keep your own life steady and not get too intimate too quickly.  If you find yourself attracted then suddenly spending a weekend with this guy or gal, or doing marathon texting, it can be a really bad sign. 

A blitzkreeg type of texting or dating situation is way too likely to lead to a flash in the pan fling that lasts intensely for a short period of time.  If this is not the type of relationship you want (hit and run) then make sure nothing looks, feels, or acts like a hit and run.  Don’t text him like you’ve known him forever and spill your guts.  Keep things paced and at the dating level.

Romantic mates will come and go before you really get into a relationship.  To increase the likelihood this one will go the distance, keep you cool and always maintain the same schedule with your friends and family that you had before.  Try to keep the balance of caring for your prior life, and treating your new interest like you care.  If you find that balance you will see that you can get to know the person normally and organically.  Keep on track for getting to know that rather than being a flash in the pan romantic partner.

Never be needy

Be careful to keep your neediness in check.  This means do not spill your guts to your partner.  Do not tell them how lonely you were.  Do not expect them to be attached at the hip.  Do not act where they are going and what they are up to constantly.  The best approach is to avoid being needy yourself, and tone things down when the other person acts needy too.  Keep your expectations realistic and establish a friendship. 

Don’t put all your hopes and dreams into a new guy no matter how great they may seem.  In all reality you do not know what rock they crawled out from under until you really know them which takes time.  The chances of any relation working out for the long haul are pretty low.  Have realistic expectations so that if you romantic interest backs off or flakes out, you don’t flip out on them.  Remember that they are testing the waters too and they don’t want to fall into quicksand.

If you pace yourself, pace your texts, pace the get-togethers and pace the intimate connection that you share, then you will have a far better picture of who this person is and what he is about.  The best way to be pleasantly surprised by a man is to take your time getting to know him and acquiring a deeper than superficial understanding of what you are getting yourself into. 

Texting, communication, and how you and he interact gets established right at the get go.  The more level headed you remain, the better you can guide your new relationship into one that actually counts.


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