Men aren’t keen on talking about all of their feelings and their relationships like women are. So if you try to force his hand and force texting and talking about where you stand with him, it is only going to cause him to give you detached responses and brush offs. Not only that, he knows what is coming. You’re actually forcing him to evaluate if he really wants to be with you. By pressing him prematurely you’ve unwittingly got a double negative going on. Not only does he dread being forced to talk and define your relationship, he also will start to privately analyze whether he wants to even be with you because you’ve now raised a specter of pressure on him to define your relationship.
Don’t bother fighting an uphill battle
Sadly, wanting so badly to connect, talk and text about your relationship and dumping out information on text, email, or the phone that constitutes intense emotions and feelings is going to literally send him running for the hills. The way he is going to handle forced conversations or being cornered by an onslaught of text messages, is to be cold and uninterested and ignore them. Either that, or he is going to get anxious, irritated and pissed off. It all leads to him sending you a text message back to stop bothering him. Don’t be surprised if he starts to screen your calls, avoid you, and avoid asking you out. Shove an intense emotional situation onto a man and he is going to want to remove himself from it. It’s like a dog that does not want it’s bath. Demanding that a relationship progress or trying to push it into progressing is going to create a lot of resistance and distance. It won’t work. Don’t do behaviors that will get you the exact opposite of what you really want.
Don’t text out of insecurity
Texting can be a display of insecurity on your part. The minute you start hounding him on text about issues between the two of you he is going to become repulsed and shut down. Women rationalize that a text message counts as less of a contact than a phone call. That’s a misperception that women have. Because men know that an incoming text is really exactly the same as a phone call. It’s you contacting him. Now if you are contacting him out of insecurity, it is really bad. For example if you text him asking him where he was or why he hasn’t called you, and so on, he is going to sense your frustration. In a sense you’ll be creating resistance for yourself. It is sort of unfair, I admit it, but sending demands to your man is going to fail miserably. The only thing that will happen is that he won’t respond and then you’ll become upset and withdraw creating even more distance.
If he is not giving you more as time goes on, breakthrough to him by giving him less. Your availability carries way more leverage than talking
You availability to spend time with him carries far more leverage than having forced talks or writing him interrogating texts. Instead of being blocked when he lets your call roll to voice mail or sending texts when you want to talk with him, you are just going to have to sit back and wait for the right opportunities to break through to him. And all you really want to do is get closer to him so you can let him know this during a good moment when you are together rather than by bombarding him while you are apart with texts. Unless there is something to really talk about there is little reason for you to initiate a phone call or text with him. It took me a good long time to figure that one out. When it comes down to it, you don’t need to bring up all of the negative stuff with him at all. All you really need to do is enjoy your time with him and create attraction. If he doesn’t gradually give you more of himself, then remove yourself from him and give him less of yourself. That’s the teeter totter equation that will get him pursuing you without have to make an issue of it.
Make him enjoy spending time with you
It goes to that old saying sugar and acting nice will help get you what you want. Be good company, develop an emotional connection to him by trying to understand where he is coming from, and have a strong physical connection with him by playing and being intimate. Make yourself his respite from the big world he is dealing with. He has to enjoy his time with you above all else. If he doesn’t get closer to you, then you need to make yourself less available to him. He’ll get the message. If he doesn’t, you could talk to him but that would be best left to when he actually comes out and asks you to talk by eliciting information from you. Because talking and discussing issues with him has a high probability of backfiring on you. If you do talk because he wants to, make sure to just tell him how you feel instead of attacking him for what he does.
The most important thing to keep him coming back to you and giving you more is that he needs to feel a gut level desire to be around you. If you think having brain chiseling ice pick conversations about the status of your relationship is going to make him want to spend time with you then you have another thing coming. You’re better off becoming very busy and unavailable if he is not treating you right than aggressively trying to talk to him about it or unleashing your issues with him onto a text trail blaze. He’ll just go off and find himself a funner playmate.
Quit trying so hard and focus on how you feel
What to do instead pursuing him and texting him all the time is to quit trying so hard. Quit dialing up the intensity of the relationship. Quit making him uncomfortable. Quit badgering him with text messages. What you need to do is have less of a reaction to him. Especially when he pulls away, which he will, you need to remain level headed and cool. Don’t start asking yourself what did I do, why is he doing this, did his feelings change, is he seeing someone new, Oh god now I have failed by pushing him away. You need to stop being engaged and towing the line and just let him go do whatever he is going to do on his own free will.
In the meantime though, you take care of your self. What, he is not committed to you, not putting you at a priority, not asking you to be exclusive? Gather the evidence and then do what you need to do for yourself. That might mean keeping your options open and trying to meet new men. If he isn’t committed to you or your boyfriend, you can rest assured that he is doing the same thing. You also need to start worrying about your own self and your future rather than being wrapped up in his. He obviously isn’t invested in your future, so you had better be. Start to evaluate not only how you feel when you spend time with him, but how you feel when he disappears or pulls back. If he is nice to you 20% of the time, and absent the other 80%, then how do you feel about that? Do you want to be made miserable 80% of the time? Does that 20% make you fulfilled and happy or is that not what you want. Figure out if your needs are getting met and quit worrying about him and his needs for freedom. At all points you need to just stay true to your own emotions and what you want out of the situation.
Have fun by being playful and understanding him
Your main goal when you are with him is to have an enjoyable time with him and make him want to come back for more. So you definitely don’t want to throw relationship weight around and bar bell him to the head over relationship talks and discussions of issues that take a bunch of mental energy and seem like work. In fact, if he is stressing out over work or other matters you’ll be in better shape caressing him and getting his mind off that. You don’t have to subject him to all the analytical detail that you are into deep in your own head. If you need to drop obvious hints to him that you want him to take things further with you it could be as simple as letting him know, I really enjoy spending time with you. Try to be understanding and seek to understand where he is coming from. It’s a more receptive approach that he will always like. Only when he is relaxed and feels like you really get him can you have an opening for him to understand you. If you need to exercise leverage, use your availability to see him and willingness to be exclusive with him as relationship pressure, instead of texting and badgering him.
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