Relationship rules and text messaging, reasons you may get too avid with the text-messaging

People used to scoff at text messages and short message service in general thinking it was too impersonal, slow, informal, and not gentlemanly enough. Yet now, its the popular method of communication in dating relationships! 

Text messaging is cool and can be fun and flirtatious once you get the hang of it.  When dating multiple different people and especially in online dating where you communicate with and meet a lot of different people on first dates, texting is an essential tool. You can text from anywhere and save time keeping up with numerous dating contacts at any given time.  It cuts down on the number of time consuming phone calls you have to make.  It is a convenient way to leave a message and you don’t have to retrieve voice mail to communicate or play phone tag when you miss one another.

But what about when your fad texting gets out of hand and you start to over do it to the point of being a text junkie? Then, you have a problem. If you are secretly wondering if you are doing a text no-no by texting too much content to your date then you need to understand that you probably are doing a text no-no. And, there are concrete reasons why you might be going off the deep end with the text dating. These reasons are easy to identify. Stopping the avid texting can often be a matter of understanding why you’re getting out of control in the first place.

Over zeaolous texting is usually ignited by strong emotions. If any of these issues described below ring true to you, be careful.  You must control emotional texting and avoid the pitfall of becoming too much of a text stalker.


For some strange reason people want what they can’t have, even if they didn’t like it that much.  For this reason a girl (or guy) that you have met, that doesn’t seem interested in you, might become a text target of yours. Rejection can really set off text messaging in an emotional person.  Nobody likes rejection since it creates emotional discomfort.  If a person does not respond to your texts, tells you they aren’t interested in you, or ignores you, it makes you feel rejection. Since rejection is an uncomfortable emotion, it makes you want to text more to try and somehow convince the person to become interested in you.

If you were really into someone and they did you wrong or rejected you then it can cause you to obsessively text. If you met someone you really liked and the feelings weren’t returned it can create a mini-obsession too. Unfortunately you already have this persons number in your contacts and it’s hard to delete it or forget the number if it is etched into your brain.  But you probably should forget it.  If you are getting rejected you should probably not be texting you should be focusing on losing that number permanently. I know, it’s hard.


Being angry at a boyfriend or girlfriend can also cause a deluge of texts and it may even wreck your relationship more than the original fight.  Men in particular like to do nasty things and then not confront them. They like to solve problems stemming from their bad or careless behavior by going silent and letting time pass until the problems hopefully fade away.  Using time and silence as a problem solver might seem practical to men but to women it just ignites fury.

Women despise the silent treatment and it’s the number one thing that will cause her to text like crazy. They also despise being lied to. Ladies if he went silent, disappeared, or lied you are going to be very tempted to text like crazy. Look for these signs of his bad boy behavior. If you feel you are falling into the psycho texting vortex you might need to ignore the bad boy. Try to forget about him for a while and whatever you do don’t spy on his social profiles or dating activity as that would be sure to drive you crazy and make you text in anger. Just remember if you bitch him out nonstop you probably won’t wind up with him regardless of whether he deserved it.

Men tend to text and text because of rejection or jealousy. If they are really into a girl they just change personalities and can’t knock themselves out of pursuit mode. A guy in hot pursuit of a woman just won’t leave her alone.  If you’re a guy and you’re texting a girl like crazy it might be a good strategy to back off. Distract yourself with workouts, obligations, sports, or other girls and being with your buddies so you don’t ruin your dating life by texting the girls you are into too much.

Hopefully these emotional situations that have been pointed out will help you understand that emotions can make your texting get out of hand. If you notice that you are texting too much you must stop the insanity. Do you have over 1600 SMS messages appearing on your months Verizon bill? If you do, you’ve gone overboard. Knowing how to communicate on text and when not to communicate on text is essential for texting singles.


Texting out of insecurity is so common, especially for women. Usually this is when they know that the guy they are interested in is dating other people, or backing away. Men back away especially after intimacy. They instinctively know that boyfriend behavior is expected of them and they don’t particularly want to fall in line. After they get close they tend to want to get far in order to get perspective and wriggle out of obligations or over night commitments to exclusivity.

When a woman senses a man pull away from her or lose interest her, she is ripe for texting him too much. It is basic insecurity because you have an instinctive understanding that he is pulling back. Texting fills the gap emotionally to make you feel closer but in the end it will bug him so much it does more harm than good. He’ll think you are too into him or unstable and use it as further justification to get away from you.


Over texting can happen when one of the people has substantially more time on their hands than the other. Or, they could have a clingier personality. Girls for example, like to touch base all the time whereas guys tend to be more independent. Guys text with a goal in mind such as planning a get together, exchanging essential information, or wanting to do some heavy flirting.  Girls on the other hand, will text just to text. They’ll text just to let someone know they are getting their nails done.  Girls just like to text their daily status even though it’s useless noise.

If one of you is bored, or more clingy than the other it can create a text stalking pattern. One person constantly texts the other who doesn’t want to be bothered so they ignore the text or get annoyed by them. This hurts the texters feelings and they take offence to the other person being too busy. One bored person coupled with one busy person can lead to texting disaster as the desire to text is different. That difference, can lead to fights about not paying enough attention to one another, interest level, etc.

The best way to use text message as a handy fun tool but avoid the pitfalls is to watch your emotions and the text message habits of your significant other. If you are feeling rejection, anger, or insecurity you may not want to start text messaging like a psycho. Try to back off and wait to have those conversations in person. Additionally, always pay close attention to the text message habits of your partner. You’ll want to try and establish a steady back and forth pace that they are comfortable with so you don’t start coming off as too needy or too clingy.

Texting can be really great fun as long as you have enough self control to avoid the text dating pitfalls.


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