Both men and women alike will relegate a relationship to text message in order to keep it from progressing, put it on ice, give themselves time to decide what to do, look at other options, or hope the person gets the hint and just fizzles away.
I get men asking me what to do when they have been relegated to text message only. It’s one of the most frustrating experiences for a woman to get relegated to text message by a man she is obsessed with. The only thing even worse than that IMO, is if you are the guy and it’s happening to you. She’s relegated you to text message. Here are five tips to help you deal with it.
If she relegated you to text, stop texting her
It is incredibly easy for men and women alike to get hung up big time on the object of their infatuation. Once you’re hooked, noone else will do. The sad part is when the other person does not share the same feelings. It’s hard to accept but it takes two to have some sort of relationship. Both people have to be into each other. If a girl is bailing out on you or has downgraded you to text only communications, you need to leave her alone.
Something happens in a woman when she gets an “eww” on you. Something clicks in her brain and she decides at that point in time that somehow you are grossing her out and she’s not into you like she perhaps was at some point. Once this eww factor has hit her, it does not go away so easily. It stays. And the worse thing you can possibly do is to obsessively text her trying to talk to her and fix it. It will drive her further and further away.
Stop Texting her
You may not get the girl back by stopping texting. But I assure you that you 100% won’t get her back by obsessively texting her. So, your better option between texting and not texting is not texting her. If she downgraded you to text and is giving you little crumbs just enough for you to continue to keep puuppy dog texting her, it’s really bad.
Being a woman I will give you advice. Any man that I ever downgraded to text message was a man that I really wasn’t into enough. If I were really into him then I assure you I would pick up the phone and want to talk to him. There is no doubt about it. There are alot of guys that I have been dating and then decided, nope he isen’t for me. The rejection for some reason made them more obsessed with me! They just couldn’t take no for an answer.
First I would try to let them know usually by a phone call with them that I wasn’t feeling what I should, but if they are so into you sometimes they just don’t get the message. They think that you just didn’t give them enough of a chance and they get hung up on trying to convince you to get to know them more. Once that would happen I started to just blow them off and ignore them hoping they would get the message that way. Men that I have blown off have called me literally for years after the fact. Somehow, not wanting them put me on some pedastol in their minds. It was so weird.
If you’re being blown off complete, then usually the woman will just cease all communication with you. If she is still talking to you, even via text, it means she’s not quite ready to chop you out of her life completely. This can be bad news (she isen’t into you) or good news (she hasn’t lowered the boom) depending how you look at it. If the boom lowering is imminent, which it is if you’re being put off and downgraded to text message only by her, then continuing to text her just won’t help. Changing your own behavior and distancing yourself can help.
Show this woman that you’re going to act like an adult and that you’ve got a grip and that you are in control of your own emotions. Show it by listening to what she is saying and creating the space she seems to want.
Drop bait completely and just go away. It might hurt your ego a bit to have to leave her alone and give up, but you should. Just shrug your shoulders and send her an OK if that’s how you feel about it text, and just tell her OK and then drop off the face of the earth and let her stew. It’s true she might go get another guy or maybe she already got one and thats the real reason you’re on ice. But let me tell you that she was going to do that anyways. Hanging around like a guy doormat is not going to increase your manhood in her eyes.
How to know you have been relegated to text message
You’ve been relegated to text message if you really can’t get through to her on the phone. She’s not picking up her phone when you call and it always rolls over to voice mail any time you call her. In order to reach her you’d have to call her from a restricted number and if you did get through that way she would resent you even more and close the door on your even more.
If you were going on dates, seeing each other and talking on the phone and then now she’s backing away and is too busy and giving excuses and suddenly has other things to do, consider it a downgrade. If you never really went out on dates and all you ever did was text from day one then you weren’t even in a relationship with her at all. You’re just texting entertainment to her and she probably likes to talk to different guys and have them fawn on her to fill up her ego. She wants to feel desired and having a bunch of text buddies around makes her feel more popular, can’t blame her for that.
Don’t get emotional or angry
If she’s cut off pretty much all communications with you and the only way you can get through to her phone is via a text message, then you’ve been relegated to text message. It’s emotionally frustrating for sure.
Women tend to turn into pathetic beggers when getting downgraded. Men on the other hand, are upset inside yet sometimes this is going to manifest itself as anger. Their ego is bruised, then anger brews. One of the reasons to stay well away from her is that your anger could cut loose and trust me it will never get you anywhere good. You might raise your voice, yell, curse, sweat, threaten, and get seriously scary to her. One of the best things you can do is deal with this yourself and never, ever take it out on her no matter who is at fault.
No relationship is worth getting into trouble for. If you get mad, trust me it will not help your status with her. It’s best not to try and pursue communications with her when you are disturbed about your status or the fact that she is blocking you out. The best thing to do is the exact opposite of what you want to do I am sorry to say. Best thing to do is to disengage, get control of yourself and stay far away from her. Cool off and leave her alone.
What to do about it: Nothing, because doing nothing speaks volumes
The exact problem is that you want to do something to fix things. You want to fix your discomfort by making up with her as fast as possible. You want to take action to work something out. Here is the biggest tip for this situation. Understand that doing nothing is actually doing something. And its doing something big time. By doing nothing, you are sending a very clear message to her. And that message is that you are in control of your emotions and behavior and she is not going to have the power to set you off.
If you are relegated to text message then just do nothing and quit texting her. Read my tips for tracking your texting patterns with her and follow the advice to realize you have a problem and then stop. You could send her a message letting her know that you feel bad and do care, but one single message is all it takes. Then, run don’t walk in the other direction. Start working on your own life and getting your own house in order. Disengage with her completely.
By shrugging your shoulders, saying OK and then discontinuing your contact of her, you are getting your manhood back in order. You’re growing a spine and getting in control of the situation. Give her space and tons of it while you work on your own life. If that means throwing yourself into work, house projects, working out, or dating other women, do it. Once you have more distance from her there is always the chance that she will miss you.
If you don’t hear from this girl for a few months then you can consider that she has moved on. Yet it doesn’t hurt to send her one message as a feeler if you really still care. That one message after a long period of respecting her boundries is going to carry alot more weight with her than hundreds of begging emotional wreck unmanly texts along the way. If she’s responsive then fine, if not, then you are well on your way towards getting over her. After all, you’ve already weaned yourself off your text addiction and disengaged. That’s half the battle. Who knows, once you demonstrate to her that you have a serious backbone, she may miss you.
Lastly, spend time thinking about how seduction and attraction works for women. You always read how women fall for the bad boys and players. One of the characteristics these men have is that they aren’t obsessed. They have other stuff going on in their lives and she’s not up on their pedastol. If they enjoy her then they spend time with her. The keep their own dating lives active so that if she isen’t interested they have other things to do. It’s the fact that they aren’t addicted to her that keeps her interest. They are always a little bit out of her reach and out of her league. If your interest level in her is higher than her interest level in you then she becomes in control and that is not where you want to be.
If you hold the lower interest level of the two of you, you’re going to gain an advantage. Maybe its not the real you, but you can fake it till you make it. It is not playing games. It’s regulating your interest level to never be higher than hers through your behavior. Let her know you care, but don’t get obsessed. If she’s relegated you to text then text her way less if at all. Showing her that you’re a man that is willing to walk away will make her think twice about losing you. At the same time, let a woman know it if you really and truly like her, just don’t let her know it over, and over and over again.
She needs to know two things. One is that you do care about her and her overall well being tremendously. The other however, is that you can simultaneously respect her boundries and know how to act right. If she does not want to be with you then accept it and deal with it in a manly way without losing control of your behavior. Those two things combined, her knowing that you care and knowing that you will treat her right regardless, will let her know you are a solid, strong man worth keeping in her life.
Thanks for addressing this.
Amazing how this new era of communication really changes everything… for better or for worse?