Are you in a situation where you or your ex broke up and now you’ve been no contact yet secretly pining away for him (or her)? Now all of a sudden your ex is getting back in touch with you by texting. You’re ecstatically happy but wondering if you should really let him or her back in the door based on a text.
You know that its a slippery slope because if you start to talk and get together you’ll be likely be pulled into getting physical together if that’s what you were doing before. Unless both you and your ex have a real plan for making things work, getting back with an ex because he/she texts you (especially if it is just for a casual happen-stance hookup) is generally a bad idea.
There are no easy answers yet you should only consider getting back with an ex if you’ve had ample time apart, there is no-one else in your ex’s picture, and your ex is committed to having a completely monogamous relationship with you. If you are wondering whether you should slip back into bed or into intimacy with an ex look no further for the advice in this post – keep reading.
Does he (she) have a new girlfriend or boyfriend? Then don’t do it!
Never get stuck in the past when your ex has already moved on and gotten themselves a new boyfriend or girlfriend. It does not matter if they claim to not be that into their new girlfriend or boyfriend the fact is that they have one. They have someone that they are with, another human being spending time with them regardless of how they characterize or downplay the relationship.
If you hook up with the ex over winter, xmas, or summer break it is likely you will regret it. Old feelings will surface and old wounds will open. If you have had no discussions about how to make the relationship work this time around, and there is another person in the picture to boot, then you are crazy to hook up with your ex. It is a very, very bad idea. You’ll be making yourself vulnerable to someone who has already moved on emotionally by virtue of the fact that they have a new girlfriend or boyfriend in their lives. Never be part of a putrid love triangle where you are subjected to fighting over your ex with someone else.
Get back together and make the relationship work? Maybe. Hook up on a nostalgic whim? No.
There were reasons why the two of you broke up. If those reasons are not addressed and both people don’t want to get back into a real relationship, you are just a fool to physically hook up with an ex on a whim. Sure maybe you see each other and just feel that chemistry and let it all go. You figure, live a little and want to throw caution to the wind. No. This is a big mistake. You are likely emotionally invested still.
You’ve already somewhat gotten over it because you are surviving every day. Now all of a sudden if you hook up you’ll be in an uncomfortable situation of talking to your ex after the fact or pretending it was just a hooking in which case you just got used. No faster way to lose your boundaries you’ve worked so hard to recover, your self respect and dignity.
Hooking back up with no discussion about getting into a committed relationship is a horrible idea if it is done on impulse. Don’t let sex with an ex happen on impulse or because you’ve been partying or because you miss them or because you happen to be lonely or because you got dumped or because they texted you. It’s like putting on a comfortable old shoe yet what good does it do you? It won’t change anything. All it will do is turn you into a booty call which is a worse situation than what you had when you broke up!
Fastest way to downgrade yourself and totally demoralize yourself is to hookup with an ex for no reason. It teaches them they don’t have to do any work to get you back and it teaches them to take you for granted that you will be there when they are tired of exploring. It teaches them that you will accept being a doormat. It teaches them that they can walk all over you. It teaches them that you are easy. It teaches them that its okay for them to explore other opportunities because they can get you back if they really want to. It teaches them they still control you and that you aren’t going anywhere. It teaches them to take you for granted.
If your ex really wants to get back together with you, they won’t bolt the horse. They won’t slip into intimacy with you. They will come through the front door not the back door. They would break up with whomever they are seeing and let that relationship completely end. They would talk about getting back together with you and making the relationship with you work this time around. Rather than slipping into bed with your ex have your ex call you every day for a month and then you will see how serious your ex is about really getting back together with you for real.
Hooking up is a terrible idea
If you really want to get intimate with your ex and you’ve already been seeing other people it is going to make you look horrible. You’ll be leading yourself into an uncommitted relationship and we all know those never end well. Any dating expert will tell you that you should never get with an ex under these conditions unless all you are looking for is some no strings attached fun. And even if you delude yourself that it will be no strings attached it probably won’t be. If you are able to get up in the morning and get through your day and you’ve already nursed yourself through months of no contact it is foolhardy to slide back into the mud with your ex.
Getting back together is a questionable idea
Getting back together with your ex can be a pretty good idea especially if you still love them. But, it is likely that the same problems that existed in the relationship will continue to persist. Let’s say they cheated on you. You might get back together but deep down you really don’t trust them so your relationship continues to get damaged because of your ongoing paranoia and mistrust.
In order to get back together you would still need to have very strong feelings for one another. You should have had a real relationship too because why get back together with someone who never loved you in the first place. This person should have been someone that was part of your inner circle, that cared about you and that got to know you really well. This person should be upfront about working out all the problems you two had and totally committed to making an effort. This person should not be drinking at a party and then suddenly you guys do something crazy like hook up.
Don’t get back with a ex unless you truly love them and you think that they have what it takes in terms of motivation to make it work for you. No matter how attracted you are to your ex, if you don’t believe they have it in them to start coming through for you then you should probably stay away from them. Look at your ex’s motivation not just your own. Are they just looking for an ego stroke or using you as some sort of plan b? If so, don’t even go there.
If your ex has been doing alot of hooking up, has another person still floating around on his (or her) radar, is seeing other people, and doesn’t seem really motivated to be monogamous, don’t get back together with them on a whim. If they were not that good of a partner in the first place do you really think they will or can change? If your ex is prone to lying, cheating, or being deceptive I would take care before getting involved with them again.
Only consider taking an ex back if you’ve had ample time apart
Get back with an ex only if you have had ample time apart, they aren’t with anyone else, they still love you, and you believe that you can trust them and make it work. If you don’t have faith that it will work better this time around with an ex then don’t go there. Hooking up with an ex just because they started texting you is generally a bad idea. If they really wanted to get back they would be calling you on the phone, asking to get together in the light of day with no physical motivation and apologizing for whatever went wrong on the relationship. Anything less, well its just a hookup.
Don’t backslide into something casual with an ex or you’ll find yourself in an even lousier union. Refuse to have anything to do with a love triangle. Take them back only if you love them and are confident that a relationship with them could really work. Make sure you are both on the same page and that you have realistic expectations. Never get back with an ex too quickly as getting physical really won’t solve the problems of why you broke up in the first place.
If you already have someone new make sure you are willing to lose this person completely in order to go back to the ex. You might even have to hurt a new girlfriend or boyfriend which is something important to consider if you want to run back to your ex. If your ex hurt you before and you feel like they can’t change then it is a bad idea to get back with your ex. Only for a true relationship, would it be worth it. So the next time your ex texts you, take it with a grain of salt. It is just a text and nothing more nothing less.
Don’t jump for joy just because they lifted a lazy finger and contacted you. If they text you in the middle of the night drunk, its even more hopeless than if they text you in the light of day. A late night drunken text is disrespect at its finest. If they really gave a damn about you, they’d be calling you up on the phone in the day time instead. A text is just … a text and don’t you forget it. Hopefully this article will help you think long and hard about letting an ex back into your orbit based on a text. Just saying.