Should you date him if he is seeing other people?

It is every woman’s nemesis.  The guy that you are dating is dating other people.  You appreciate his honesty because after all he could have lied and not disclosed this information to you, however you don’t appreciate his womanizing ways.

Sometimes dating multiple people is understandable.  For example, everyone goes on first dates with multiple people if they are searching for someone.  But when it gets dicey is when you are already dating and they are dating other people at the same time.  Add to that intimacy and you really have a potential problem.  If you are wondering whether to continue to date him if he is dating other people then these questions are the ones you should be asking yourself.

Are you doing the exact same thing and dating other people too?

If you are seeing other people as well then you have little right to question if he is doing the same thing.  If your dating strategy is to casually date then there should not be a significant issue.  You’re both dating.  The beauty of the Internet dating or being in college is that you have the opportunity to meet a whole slew of new, different and interesting people.  Once you like someone though, that beauty and the law of abundance of choices can become downright scary.

It’s usually when you are at the brink of or already intimate with him and putting all your focus and energies into this romance that the exclusivity things becomes problematic.  The beauty of having all the dating options available can turn to fear and jealousy over him meeting all these people around even though you like him and want him to yourself!

In the early stages of dating meeting different people and dating different people is fine.  Before you get intimate however, you might want to ask yourself if you’ll be able to handle him dating others while you are intimate with him.  Most women forget to think clearly here and get caught up in chemistry.  One must remember that most men will willingly have sex with you without even pondering whether they want be in an exclusive relationship with you.

The thing to remember is that if he hasn’t asked you to be exclusive, and you get intimate, you must assume he is and will continue to date others.  Do not assume that just because you were intimate he will fall in line and only be with you because men don’t work that way.  Trying to control him after the fact is the hardest thing ever.  Think long and hard about how into you he is before you allow him to charm your pants off.

Does he drop the fact he’s dating other women on to you after the fact?

If a man you are dating has made it clear that he is going to be meeting different people then you have your information right there.  If he lays it on the table that he is just interested in dating, just getting out of a relationship, new to the dating scene, recently divorced, just out of a long term relationship, and so forth, believe him!  These are opt outs that men will give you if they really don’t want to be exclusive with you. 

If a man is bowled over with you trust me he isen’t going to be laying out a bunch of excuses and I told you so’s that enable him to opt out on you without any guilt.  If a man meets the right woman it doesn’t matter where he is rebounding from he will be instantly ready for a relationship with her.

If he tells you he is seeing others and you in advance that you probably aren’t going to be able to handle it, then stay away!  He won’t be taking any responsibility whatsoever for you if you get hurt.  If he is honest and lays it on the table then you should believe it.   Proceed at your own risk because he let you know what’s up and expects you to be in charge of your own decisions and consequences.  He’ll view you as an adult and won’t assume any blame if you get hurt.

If you find out he is seeing people after you get in too deep then you have a different problem.  He didn’t bother to tell you or hid that fact in order to make progress, maybe even physical progress with you.  Sometimes men operate on a don’t ask don’t tell basis.  If he hasn’t even brought up his dating then always assume he is dating others.  Assume he is dating others so you won’t have any surprises.

How serious are you?

If you are pretty serious, intimate with one another and have been dating him for several months then you probably have the right to expect the he put his cards on the table and tell you what’s up.  You can ask him if the two of you are exclusive.  If you don’t want to confront it then you can look carefully at the way he is acting.  If he has introduced you to friends and includes you in his life, talks to you one the phone frequently and arranges his weekends around you then he is acting like a boyfriend. 

You can judge him by watching how he acts, or just talk to him directly about exclusivity.  It doesn’t have to be a big talk it can just be, are you seeing other people?  You’ll be able to tell from his reaction and response and know what’s up.

What is your agenda?

If you are dating just for fun and you too like the openness of being to date others then you can keep things going at status quo.  The only thing is that you can’t expect him to stop seeing other people.   If you don’t question anything he’s likely to take that as a free ticket to do as he pleases.  Don’t be surprised if things start to suddenly come up and he can’t have plans.  Should you decide not put any pressure on him at all, you should always assume that he is seeing others.

Depending on what your agenda is you can make a decision as to whether you are ok with him seeing other people.  The odds are that if you really like him then you won’t be OK with him being intimate with anyone else.  Depending on what you goals are, you can decide how long you want to date a guy who behaves more like a player than a boyfriend.  Dating experts say that rather than push a man into a relationship you should remove yourself from that relationship if he is unwilling to give you what you want.  Forcing him to do so rarely works.

If he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend that means he doesn’t want you as his girlfriend

Any time a man says he doesn’t want a girlfriend take that to mean that he does not want you to be his girlfriend.  If he says that he wants to take things one day at a time that is another incantation of him not wanting a girlfriend, which translates directly to him not wanting you as his girlfriend.

If your goal is marriage and children then the guy that is Mr. Fun whenever you both are available may not be the guy to take seriously.  Unless, of course, you look like Mila Kunis in the movie Friends with Benefits.  Then, Justin Timberlake will fall madly in love with you and your friends with benefits relationship will become a magical happy ending fairy tale.  Just like in the movies.


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