Should you text him back

Texting with your new guy can be very tricky!  Every girls operates differently so be warned that if you seek text message advice from a girlfriend it’s going to be hit or miss.  If you ask the question Should you text him back, odds are that each and every one of your gal-pals will have a different answer for you.  Well every girl is entitled to her opinion all right and your responses are going to read like a poll. 

So who do you listen to?  When in doubt text less not more.  That means if you’re wondering if you should text then you probably shouldn’t be, as a rule of thumb.  If you still find yourself feeling insecure and wondering should you text him back, these mini-text scenarios outlined below should help your thought process.  Each describes a particular texting situation and suggests reasonable ways to respond or not to respond.

If he texts you 6 to 12 hours later

Let’s say you send a text message to him and he texts you back but it takes him hours to do it.  For example you text him in the morning but never hear from him until that afternoon or that night.  Or you text him in the afternoon and get nothing until the next morning.

A guy that is really into you will usually jump on your texts and text back sooner rather than later.  He might wait a few minutes but he is going to respond as soon as he can.  Even if he’s busy, if he really likes you he’ll let you know when he’ll get back to you and he’ll follow through and get back to you.   So if he’s regularly waiting from 6 to 12 hours to respond to you, then he may not be that into you.

Sometimes he’s just busy at work though.  To give him the benefit of the doubt don’t get upset.  DO however, wait some time before you respond.  OK so if you text him then he takes 6-12 hours to text you back, then text him back in 3-6 hours.  That way you’re slowing yourself down to his pace and you won’t come off as aggressive.  Apply this simple rule as needed when you’re feeling like he is not acting into you.  If you text him and he waits an hour to text back a reply then wait a half hour to reply to his reply, and so forth.

Hopefully he’ll learn that if he responds slowly, you’ll respond slowly.  If you can pull this off without blowing your cool and getting mad at him for being slow, he’ll more than likely get the hint.  He’ll learn that he’s not the only one that is busy and values their time.  You’re busy and value your time too.

If he takes longer than a day to text you back

If he takes longer than a day to text you back he’s showing you that he’s not into you enough to act like a real boyfriend.  Maybe he’s just checking in or keeping in touch to keep his options open with you. 

If you’re cool with being just a friend or friends with benefits that hears from this guy every few days (if that) then continue to treat him similarly.  If however, it bothers you or it hurts you feelings then it may be time to stop responding to him.  The worst thing you can do is act like you’re cool with such a setup when you truly are not cool with it.  Brushing your feelings under the rug will lead to resentment and most likely, a fight about it on text message.

He texts you back after you’ve put in a phone call to him

If you put a call in to him and for example leave a voicemail, then you’d hope he would call back.  If he texts back instead it can be fine provided that he doesn’t take too long to respond and that he doesn’t relegate you to text all the time.  Maybe he’s at work or in a place where he can’t easily talk.  You can do the same to him.  Sometimes when he calls, text back.  Sometimes when he texts, call back.  But ultimately you don’t want to play too many cat and mouse games. 

The bad behavior to watch out for is when he always, always texts and won’t talk to you on the phone.   Such behavior can be a sign of disrespect and if it bothers you that you call and he only deigns to text then let him know about it.  Boundaries are important.  Having boundaries as to what you consider appropriate communication behavior matters.  If you establish boundaries early on then he’ll know he can’t get away with murder and he will respect you more for it. 

It may seem counter intuitive but it can garner respect when you see something disrespectful happening and are gutsy enough to call him onto the mat for it.  You’re nobody’s fool and so while you shoudn’t blow him off completely, do let him know that you require some actual voice action and not just text.

He responds but it’s more like a yes or no rather than a 2-way conversation

Sometimes you get a response from him but it feels like a shut-down on the conversation and not a two way conversation.  First of all, you should understand that boys are more action oriented and don’t chit chat the same way girls do.  If you’re talking about random things he might not want to act like a girlfriend.  Guys tend to want to either touch base, confirm plans, or flirt on text.  That’s about the extent of it.

If he continually shuts you down with yes or no answers and you can’t get a conversation rolling then don’t push it with him.  He’s either not into text message (which is a good thing!) not into you (not so good) or his mind is just elsewhere (he’s busy) at the moment.  If he’s just responding and not joining into the texting and asking you questions then leave it alone.  Let that conversation fizzle and see if he texts or calls later to get the ball rolling. 

As a general rule of thumb if a guy doesn’t seem to engage you on text then don’t push it.  If you start asking him what’s wrong and pushing him on text it will only make him annoyed and he’ll continue to be curt or start to ignore you altogether.  Besides, why would you want to text someone who clearly is not interested in texting you?  That’s right girl, you wouldn’t!  Hopefully these little tips will help you know the answer next time you’re wondering if you should text him back.


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