Signs that you and he are … nothing at all

Did you know that most women who are in angst over whether he will text or why he doesn’t text or why he barely texts or why he fell of the face of the earth, aren’t even in a relationship at all?  That’s right.  If you are obsessing over why you don’t hear back from this guy and inventing excuses for him like he is busy, hurt, pre-occupied, just stop.  Put simply, if he is missing in action, there is no relationship. 

If you are still confused and thinking that his blowing you off actually “means something”, read on.  Here are a few more signs that can help you understand that you aren’t hearing from him because there is no relationship with him (other than maybe he takes advantage of your body because you’re dumdum enough to allow him to use you).

He does not include you in his plans

You might enjoy his company and rationalize that you want your independence, but it will only placate you for so long.  After so many snowboarding trips he takes with his buddies while you are not invited, you will tire of this plan and start to resent him.  When he never includes you in his plans be forewarned that his buddies may not even know you exist.  If you are sleeping with him it may be even worse.  They ask him, are you getting any, and he says yes.  There, now they know about you but not in the way you would like.

Let us make this simple.  Men in relationships or that are dating and would consider a relationship with you, like to take you to functions that involved their friends and families.  That means that yes they do want to share significant things like birthdays, holidays, and vacations with a woman they actually care about.  If he really likes you he expects to bring you to an important get-together.  If you are not part of his social routine, you are not part of his life period. 

The realization may sting but it is the perfect opportunity to realize that he isn’t responsive on text because he does not care.  There is usually way, way, way more to it than simple why is he ignoring me on text message.  If he does not get in touch you are not a social steady girl he wants in his life.  You’re either nothing, an ego boost, or simply a girl he has on the side while he remains open for meeting someone he actually does want to text back. 

If he is unwilling to make you part of his social life you should just delete him from your love life altogether.  No matter how hot he is, he is not worth demeaning yourself if he is treating you like a take it or leave it hole who he can’t even be bothered to lift a finger to text you back.

He treats you like a friend, with benefits

Men can distinguish from having friends, some of whom come with benefits, and a significant other that he actually cares about.  He can also compartmentalize having sex from having a relationship far easier than women can.  When you are just a friend, or friend with benefits, you will hear from him only on occasion and even then it might be two work text like what’s up, or I’m in your area what you up to.

Look at his behavior because it will tell you everything.  If a weekend slips by and he doesn’t bother to make plans much less care what you are up to take note.  Don’t simplify it into Oh he doesn’t like to text Okay.  He’s not texting because he has other plans.  He is sending you a direct message that you can’t rely on him and that you nothing more than a friend with occasional benefits for him. 

If you keep spending time between the sheets with a man who has this mindset about you there is only one thing that will come out of the relation and that is emotional pain for you.  Your spirit will slowly sap, you will start to resent him, and in the end you will hate him and yourself for putting up with a barely there text relationship that bears no resemblance to a real relation.

Everything is on his terms

Are you usually the one initiating rendezvous between you and your man?  How often would you hear from him if you just dropped contact?  If it is once every week or few weeks you should drop him out of your life because he is a stringer.   He has to literally be bored out of his mind to think about whether he wants to spend time with you in this situation.  It won’t be because he likes you, but it will be because it’s convenient and he has nothing else to do.

If your guy blows you off or frequently just “forgets” your plans to hang out, consider yourself a mere backup plan rather than a first choice. When you call him on plan flaking he will usually have a lame excuse like he is not good with plans or turn it around on you claiming you never reminded him.  Trust me, he can keep a plan.  Trust me, he does know what day it is, and where he is coming from and going to.  He also knows what day of the week it is.  If his buddy is having a party that weekend he can remember that his buddy is having a party that weekend. 

Similarly, a guy who won’t commit to plans or dinner until hours or minutes before he’s supposed to pick you up is waiting to see if he has a better opportunity.  He is  clearly waiting to make sure he’s not going to miss out on whatever his other friends or lady-friends are doing that night.  If he doesn’t care about you he literally will not be able to sustain a plan, much less a phone call.  This is the guy that when you remind him of your plans, he says he will get back to you, and then doesn’t. 

It’s an ego boost for him to leave you hanging, plus have other fun plans for himself, plus send you a message that you can’t rely on him.  Dating a man who is undependable means that he’ll be around when its convenient but as soon as some clouds roll in and other opportunities present themselves, he will be leaving you to drown in the weather without a second thought.  A perfect example is that he knows you have time off and the weekend slips by without his ever getting in touch with you.

Don’t be fooled by a guy that drops off the radar and then reappears later out of convenience rather than commitment.  A real relation is not about being there on his terms only.  This is a guy that will show up for the party but be gone when it is time to clean up the mess afterwards.

Hopefully these red flags will help you understand that the simple thing you are obsessing about, such as why he does not text, is indicative of a bigger problem.  The problem is that he is not in a relationship with you.  That is why he is not texting, responding to texts, or initiating texts in any sort of reliable manner.  When his behavior is forgetful, unresponsive, standoffish, and nonchalant he is sending you a strong message that the two of you are not an item, and never will be.


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