Sometimes you meet a man who is just to good to be true. If you think you may be dating a player, this article will let you in on a few telltale character traits. A player is charming, he lies, and he escalates to becoming physical early on in your relationship. If you are perceptive you’ll see that the charm is not entirely genuine and it will not be in alignment with how well you know him. You may get a little too much attention from him. This can only be characterized as the full court press treatment. Early on, he will send you flirtatious texts and he may place numerous phone calls to you as well. He will act extremely interested in you. Players lie and they are good at it. If you catch him lying out of convenience do not rationalize such exaggerations away as innocent white lies. Every one wants to put their best foot forward however lies about age, education, neighborhood, job status, and income are lies nonetheless.
A player will exaggerate his history by embellishing his past career, what he does for a living, where he lives, where he has been, and who he’s been seeing. If he is not lying, he may act suspiciously cagey about his personal information. A player will always escalate physically which is to say he acts like its amazing chemistry driving your romance. In reality he may be calculating and willfully manipulating all of your interactions towards an intimate encounter.
He texts
This web site is all about text messaging. Women should know that the number one sign that you are dating a player is that your relationship happens primarily on text messages! Text message is the preferred method of communication that men use for casual relationship and it is by no accident. Men do this on purpose. Text keeps you boxed in, marginalized, down managed, with lowered expectations, and in a more difficult position to complain to him. It enables him to communicate with you without really having to interact with you. Texting is not the same as using the phone. If you discover you are dating a man who only wants to communicate on text messages then you should remove him from your life without anesthesia. That means, stop texting with him. See if this man calls you up after you stop texting. If he really is a player, you’ll be surprised when you just don’t hear from him. In the meantime, he may already have someone else lined up and be one step ahead of you. A genuine player won’t spend a second losing sleep over a woman. There are plenty of women to meet and he will have an attitude that he can live just fine without you in his life.
Women newly entering the dating scene or who are desperate for companionship can be easily duped by a player
Women who are re-entering the dating scene, vulnerable, or on the rebound are the ones that are easy targets for a player. These are the women who are innocently naïve and fresh to the dating process with an overly trusting outlook. The innocence is a great quality to have, however it also makes you a potential target for someone out playing the seduction game and looking to close in on a woman quickly. It’s not just the new women to dating that fall for a player though. Lonely women who have been single for a long time might be so impressed by a handsome suitor that they choose to ignore the obvious signs that they are being played. If you are lonely and desperate for a mans attention it makes you vulnerable to being used. Lonely women are the ones who really get taken and may fall prey to loaning him money, paying him for his time, getting themselves robbed, giving him expensive gifts, and other foolishness to try and buy his love and keep him coming around.
Once you have been in the dating pool for some time you’ll regain your bearings and be able to look at the dating landscape clearly. Your thinking cap will be on. A player won’t be able to fly under your radar so easily anymore and you’ll have the dating skills and tools to weed out these men quickly. Unfortunately, it is often when you reenter into dating, or become overly desperate for companionship, that these men find you. Finding yourself at an emotional low point makes you incredibly vulnerable since all of your personal boundaries are down. Players know how to effectively take advantage of exactly these situations. So be careful and be safe.
A lonely woman may find herself looking for action and inadvertently be inviting a player right to her doorstep without realizing it. If you just split up with a spouse or boyfriend and rush onto the internet dating sites for example, you might be inviting trouble. Women who are looking for validation may post promiscuous pictures on the internet without even realizing it. Photos that show you wearing sexy Halloween costumes, posing in suggestive clothes, displaying your cleavage along side your pet, and so forth, are going to attract predators and the wrong type of men. When your emotional guard is down is when a player shows up in your life. Most women don’t have the dating experience to realize what is going on until it is too late. They don’t realize that his booking an at home movie date on the second or third date with her is an attempt to escalate into an intimate encounter. They don’t realize that the man they are dating may be calculating logistics and trying to localize the date to smooth the way for an easy, convenient and free romantic encounter. Women need to realize that a new suitor is always on his best behavior. Unless and until you know him, your first impression of him may not in fact be who he is by a long shot.
The fake girlfriend ploy
A smooth player will make you feel like you’ve known him for much longer than you have. He may even make you into a fake girlfriend for two or three months in order to have his way with you, then fizzle or vanish into the sunset never to be heard from again.
Some players will be blatant in what they are looking for but others go undercover to set a woman up for a brief encounter. Skilled players are the men who state that they want the real thing and no games even though they in reality they are routinely dating multiple women. They having fun trying to cover as many different women as possible and some enjoy the process immensely. A player may claim he wants a long term relationship though there may only be a granule of truth about his wanting a relationship. If a supermodel comes along and wows him, then he’ll be up for the real thing but 99% of women won’t be good enough for him because he really isn’t looking for a relationship at all.
Some players try to come on strong and give you the full court press, acting as though they are interested in you as a girlfriend but its really a fake girlfriend ploy. Such men try to get you comfortable like you’ve known them all your life after just a few dates yet you really don’t even know where they live at. A player will make you into a fake girlfriend and while you’re thinking he is the man of your dreams he is getting his hooks in long enough to get what he wants from you. Once he does, he starts to back peddle out of really wanting a relationship. You realize you were a fake temporary girlfriend once he has executed the fizzle on you and is already fading right out of your life.
Some women are lucky enough to never come across a womanizer like this, others not so lucky. Once you date a man that has duplicitous intentions is really can wreck your dating outlook. You go from being innocent, open, trusting and up front to suspicious and guarded. Dating a handsome hunk can be fun while it is going on but the potential for emotional fallout, heartbreak and disappointment cannot be underestimated. If you don’t want your emotions put on the spin cycle, but you aren’t that perceptive about men, look for some of these easier to spot signs itemized below. These red flags are more straight forward to identify and should help you rule such men out early on. It saves time when you can avoid becoming sucked in to men that will only play with you and waste your valuable time.
By the way, if you want a player to quit being a player and fall in love with you, the best way to do that is to spot his game and call him out on the carpet for it. Hit him right out of the park and do not be afraid to call a spade a spade. Only then would a man like this take you seriously. So, not only are these tips going to help you avoid players, these tips will help you get all men to treat you better, even the players! Double win for you!
More signs that he is a player
You meet your dream man and there is instant chemistry. He asks you out and sends you flirty text messages saying he can’t wait to get together. Your first kiss is amazing. Your body is on fire, tingling, and excited that you finally met the handsome hunk of your dreams. He compliments your pictures and comes right out and expresses an open attraction to you. Off you go onto the romance novel fantasy races. Whoa. Temper that enthusiasm and look through some of these player signs to double check that your dream guy is who you think he is. If a man seems too good to be true, he probably is too good to be true.
He cancels dates
This is a man who will double book you or un book you at a moments notice. He will be incredibly busy and have an arsenal of lies and excuses ready to cancel dates if a better opportunity comes his way. Careful because he may be reliable until he’s consummated with you then become unreliable seemingly over night.
He makes dates that never take place
He makes non dates with you which are tentative dates that don’t come true. This is when you and him talk or text about potentially getting together for a date but then it turns out at last minute he can’t because something comes up (like a better opportunity). Dates will also become iffy to the point where you’ll find yourself sitting home on a Friday or Saturday night looking at the outfit you just bought for a date that you thought was going to happen because he said maybe but then something came up for him and it was a no go. That’s what you call a non date and players always do the non dates because they are often juggling women.
He is secretive and elusive, even though he is just another man
Dates are restricted and his schedule is secretive. This is the man who will only ask you out for certain nights and you never really know his whole open schedule. He might slot you into weeknight dates only for example. A guy who has an oddly restricted calendar and who won’t give you a Friday or Saturday night (the whole night, not just the latter part of it) is a potential player. He’d rather go out with his friends and keep open options to meet new women on weekends, or, he has other women higher up on his pyramid to spend his free weekend time with. He’ll be so busy that he will only be able to see you once a week or less, keeping the relationship from really progressing. If you find yourself sitting around a lot twiddling your thumbs wondering when you’ll ever get to see him again he might be a player.
He won’t introduce you to his network of friends
He won’t introduce you to his friends or family. He’ll have a plethora of excuses as to why you can’t meet his friends or family. He’ll be protective of those people, especially if he has children. You’ll commend him on the fact that he won’t let anyone into his inner circle unless he loves them. So you’ll work hard to get into his inner circle but surprise, surprise, you will never ever get into the inner circle because he doesn’t want you to period. A man who is interested in you will introduce you to friends. If he is interested in you and has a sports activity he won’t hesitate to invite you to come watch. If he is a player on the other hand, you will soon find out that you and him are enclosed in a isolated bubble. He’ll make you think it is a romantic bubble but in the end it is just a bubble and you won’t have met anyone in this mans life.
He disappears like Houdini
He disappears for days and weeks at a time. This guy will have a whole magic bag of disappearing tricks and excuses. He’ll use every trick in the book on you while you swallow that bull balls whole. He will cancel dates at the very last minute. He’ll be busy with his job. He’ll be busy moving or dealing with personal business. He’ll be in financial trouble. He’ll be helping his family out. He’ll be traveling or getting personal issues in order. He’ll be busy with cleverly invented obligations. He’ll be sick or working on the weekends. Once you are rudely cancelled on at the last minute more than once or twice you should be done with him and know exactly what you are dealing with.
Unfortunately, he might own you by that point and you’ll stick around. One of the ways he owns you is by giving you mind blowing sex which makes you mind blowing-ly deaf dumb and blind to his professional player antics. If he starts to act like Houdini and you are typing into Google search phrases like He disappears for days at a time, He cancels our dates at the last minute, and He won’t introduce me to any of his friends then you actually do know what is going on but you just aren’t ready to admit it. If you find yourself typing that stuff into an internet search engine you might be dating a player and deep down you already know it but are in denial. Your fingers just aren’t connecting to your brain yet. It is doubtful you will ever meet his friends but if he gives you that little bone he will introduce you to them as a friend not a girlfriend.
He is the intriguing mystery man
A player is vague and mysterious, and he doesn’t like talking on the phone but prefers texting instead. A player is going to turn you on by being really mysterious and totally vague, but rest assured his life is not that mysterious or vague. He has a real life just like you do. You’ll cling to the golden text messages he deigns to send you because he doesn’t contact you that often but trust me if he wanted to contact you more he would have and could have. Once you encounter vague behavior you should know what is going on. And when you do finally clue into it, you’ll start to uncover the white lies. As you clue in to his lies he will become increasingly more secretive. At first he will friend you on his social profiles and make you seem like you are in, though you probably will only ever see his friends through electronic means and not in real life.
When you start asking him questions about who is the woman whose pictures he is commenting on face book or things of that nature, he will start to become unavailable and make you feel guilty like you are being too suspicious, untrusting and pushy. That’s when he will start looking for new women to move onto while you meanwhile become ever more clingy and desperate hoping it isn’t what you think it is. If you find yourself feeling increasingly insecure about your status with a man after you have been intimate with him those feelings you are having are usually valid feelings. They call it women’s intuition for a reason so don’t ignore your intuition. If you are feeling insecure you may have a reason to feel insecure. This is when you may start to find yourself text messaging him for constantly for reassurance.
He won’t lift a finger
You won’t see a player going out of his way for you. A player is not going to take concrete actions that demonstrate he is putting you first. Would this guy even get tested for intimate relations if you asked him to? No. A player won’t bother he will just use protection if he has to out of convenience. He is not going in for any test on your behalf or for any out of the way errand for that matter. In fact many things he does will be structured around convenience for him. For example, he will be unavailable for dates until a convenient opportunity to squeeze you in comes up for him. For example, he happens to be coming back from somewhere that involves going on the freeway near your house so he suddenly gives you the gift of seeing him by offering to stop by. You’re supposed to be excited that he is actually making time for you but don’t forget he did it because it was convenient for him. If he is able to put the spin on everything to make you feel privileged that you are being fit into his life because he cares, but hours or days later you sort of feel like you got tricked or blind sided, you have to wonder.
Yes, wonder, if the man you are dating is a player. He may well be. If you are dating an interested man he is going to be excited to have you on his arm and he is going to want to show you off to his friends. You aren’t going to be hidden in the closet and squeezed in on occasion feeling like you may have just been bamboozled.
Once the gig is up, he’s mean to you and its put up or shut up
He’ll be emotionally abusive once the gig is up. Once you start to get an inkling that you are dating a player his behavior will become more transparent. He’ll just come right out in the open and tell you, finally, that he isn’t interested in anything serious because he doesn’t have the time or just doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with you. He will start to openly disrespect you and treat you poorly once he runs out of all of his charming excuses. He’ll tell you outright now that he is dating other women and that it is none of your business. He is free to do as he pleases. He knows you’re bonded to him so he’ll just see how hooked you really are and just how low you’ll go for him. Since all of his excuses have been utilized he will just come out and say that he is not interested in you, that it is just a casual relationship, take it or leave it. Then he will start to contact you less. Put up or shut up time always comes sooner or later when you are with a player.
The minute are onto the fact that he is a player he will start to vanish and leave the relationship efforts totally up to you. He won’t lose any sleep over you. He won’t take your calls and you’ll be only texting back and forth. If he liked you enough to intimate, he will give you an option of sticking around as his on again girlfriend. Once he loses all respect for you is when all of his phone calls and contacts stop. He will only text you every few weeks if is convenient for him to spend quick time with you. His texts will be short, last minute and to the point. You are available and compliant to get together with him or not. If you’re not available the conversation ends. He won’t ask you how you are and everything will just become goal oriented towards can you see him or not. If you feel like a man is done making an effort with you and you are doing all the work and texting him to see how he is, I have news. He is done with you. If you keep spending time with him its just an ego stroke, and if you stop spending with him he won’t care. All you are to him by that point is sport.
He won’t spend money on you anymore
After the initial honeymoon phase, you won’t get any air, or even a slice of pizza from him. A player might take you out initially and buy you some flowers or a gift. But as soon as his foot is firmly in your door, the gifts and all the effort will drop off precipitously. Months into the non relationship you’ll still be dreaming of a date where he takes you out to someplace nice because you’re going off the memory of your first or second date with him. Those dates are gone however and you‘re just running on memory fumes and wishful thinking. You’ll find after a while that the dates stop and he will rarely see you in the light of day, so you won’t be getting air outside with him. He also won’t spend money on you and he’ll ingenious excuses for skipping your dates altogether for the sake of cozy quality alone time. He won’t spend money on you not even for food. He’ll ask if you have anything to drink at your place and suggest if not that you pick something up. You’ll be going remembering the fantasy of your first few dates and how nice he was to you then, while he’ll be in the here and now considering if he even wants to see you bad enough to put gas in his car to get to where you are at.
The truth hurts. Deal with it and move on from a player
Hopefully these pointers will help you identify and weed out players. Yes the pointers are rather scathing but the whole point of this article is for you to have an idea of what is really going on and be able to see through a thin veneer of lies easily. Players can be handsome charming hunks but these are the men that will break your heart and boost their own egos in the process. If you run across a player the most important thing is to block him out of your life with minimal collateral damage to your self esteem. You have to mentally isolate the experience as a mere learning lesson because not all men are like this. So don’t crawl into a whole just because you got fooled by a player. You learned your lesson and will see the dating landscape for what it is. You’ll also be able to really appreciate a man comes along that actually cares about you. So in that regard, it’s a good thing.
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