Are you infatuated with him or her yet there is a nagging voice inside of your telling you that there is something wrong here? Are you afraid this person is a player or just not the commitment type and wondering if you are just wasting your time?
If you find yourself asking if this is really the relationship you dream of, don’t ignore these misgivings. You might be dating the wrong person. Here are some classic warning signs that your date may not be right for you. So here goes. You are dating the wrong person IF ….
You are on this web site talking and reading about stupid texting minutia wondering why they haven’t texted you or if you should text them
If you find yourself falling out of contact, over analyzing, wondering things like why doesn’t he text, should i text, why does he ignore me for days, why doesn’t she text me back right away, etc, etc, etc … you may not be dating the right person. If things are going right then it is on and both people communicate. Once the text message exchanges are lopsided or off, the entire relationship being off is soon to follow. Bad text message patterns can be a great indicator of a bad relationship.
You are not consistently happy
If your time is spent obsessing about the relationship and you find yourself over-analysing, psycho-analyzing, or just plain analyzing, there is a problem. When you are dating the right person you consistently enjoy the relationship and you are making plans and having fun. You’ll be talking to your friends about what you did when you went out, not whether or not they like you. When you are dating the right person your face isen’t in a dating advice book and your fingers aren’t googling commitment in the web browser.
If you are unhappy quite a bit of the time, scratching your friends eyes out talking about them obsessively, and you are feeling insecure or uneasy about what your partner is doing then you may be dating the wrong person.
You feel insecure
If you feel insecure about how you look, your weight, what you wear, and if you are hot enough or pretty enough you may be dating the wrong person. It’s one thing to feel like you want to look amazing for them. But its entirely another where you feel like threats are all around you and that you don’t stack up well against the competition.
Insecurity can be born by itself but usually the other person is feeding your growing insecurity. Maybe they aren’t committed, maybe there are exes hanging around their facebook, maybe they make lurid comments on sexy photos right under your nose, maybe they want someone richer, maybe they are out of your league. If your partner feeds your own self doubts and undermines your confidence, you may be dating the wrong person.
If you are dating the right person, that person wants to show you off, bring you around friends and family, and isen’t afraid to hit the beach with you. They’ll show you off on facebook not keep you a secret. If they hide you in a broom closet or make you feel stunted or torpedoed when you try to better yourself or be part of their lives, then they aren’t for you.
The person you are dating should make you feel confident and your self-doubts should be minimized. You shouldn’t be scared that he or she is going to dump you at the drop of a hat, because of a fight or when the next best opportunity arises. If you are walking on eggshells feeling like you might get traded up on, your partner may not be for you.
Other people are warning you
If the people you trust and love feel that you are in an unhealthy relationship, try to trust them. It’s one thing if your one bitter shrew or bachelor of a friend doesn’t think you should stay involved. It’s another however, when all of your friends or family members think that something is up in the state of Denmark.
You might think you are happy in your little private bubble of a relationship with him or her but when your family raises its hand and notices hey why doesn’t he ever show up to our events, take note. When friends feel left out of your relationship it could be because your partner is really not caring about your life and your inner circle. If your partner did care they would manage to show up for something. They would not be in hiding.
Outsiders aren’t caught up in love. They see it like it is, and say it like it is. While you are self-rationalizing as to why he or she still has an active profile and is logging into a dating site every day, they won’t give excuses. You might be deluding yourself thinking, oh but they aren’t serious about meeting other people. You family and close friends however, will be jumping up and down screaming are you crazy you are sleeping with someone that is still trolling a dating sight right under your nose! Listen to your family and friends. They don’t have the same mental blocks as you do. If the sky is blue, they see blue not gray green or yellow.
You are not over your ex
It is nearly impossible to make something work if you are not over your ex. Either you are not over your ex for real, or this person is not going to be the person that gets you over your ex. Trust me if you liked your partner enough you would not be obsessing about your ex. If you close your eyes and would rather replace someone else into the spot they are sitting in, they aren’t the person you should be dating. Duty dating is great and all, but if you don’t really feel it for the person, don’t waste you time.
Men are more likely than women to duty date just to get sex. They can easily have sex with someone they aren’t interested in. Women have a much harder time with the sex thing but women can and do date men that they aren’t interested in just to have something to keep them busy on a Friday or Saturday night. Casual dating is fine for a time. But if you see yourself traveling down a road to involvement with someone you really aren’t that into in the first place, it is time to opt out.
You know it won’t last but fantasize it will
If you know that a relationship won’t last deep down, you should opt out. You have to do a cost benefit analysis about the pros and cons. Sometimes you’ve hung in there so long that you just literally refuse to throw in the towel.
Even if the history already has written itself and no commitment is forthcoming, you hang on. You want that relationship so bad that you hang on. What a mistake this is, especially if you in the family creation and child bearing years of your life. You want to waste time with someone who just isen’t coming around in terms of a commitment? You’ll regret it later when you finally emerge from your time warp and everyone else has passed you by. It’s foolish and if you already know the truth don’t stick around hoping something will change.
Never live in a fantasy relationship. Stay grounded in reality and see a relationship for what it is not what you want it to be. Are you into it for a year and your partner is still seeing other people? Are you into it a few years and your partner has already cheated on you several times? Are you into it for months and your partner is still active on a dating web site? Is your partner giving you alot of stupid excuses about why they aren’t ready for a relationship?
If she so gorgeous or he so hot that you are really willing to put up with an uncommitted, go-nowhere or casual relationship just to be able to get something from them? Trust me you’ll be the one that comes up short-handed in the end.
If you really aren’t in a good relationship, or you aren’t even in a monogamous relationship at all, you have to be brave enough to do what you gotta go. Some women and men wonder why they spend years and years with someone and then quicker than a bushy tail that person wanders off and commits overnight to someone else. Sure that person may be a jerk but in reality you allowed it to happen to yourself. You had weak boundaries. You stuck around for all that time accepting less than a pure commitment and so that is exactly what you got, less that a pure commitment. The new woman (or man) who demanded a commitment up front then was able to steal your partner on a dime.
You deserve someone special in your life and no matter how hot or popular your partner is, if they aren’t seeing a future with you and interested in a committed relationship, you shouldn’t even be wasting your precious time with them. Because that is exactly what dating the wrong person does, it wastes your precious time.
You don’t know when to fold on a bad relationship investment
You rationalize it as, well at least I am not sitting home alone single and this is better than that option. But it really isen’t. You may in fact have to go through that single and miserable phase in order to move on to someone new that actually does want to be with you. And as long as you are caught up into dating the wrong person you are light years away from the person who cuts bait and is temporarily alone. The person sitting home is closer to a better relationship than you are because they don’t have their head in the sand dating the wrong person.