Here are a few tips for breaking up with a woman succinctly and avoiding ongoing text wars with her. Remember that the very woman who is utterly in love with you is also going to be the one most likely to get emotional over a breakup. Know that she may suffer a serious case of broken heart when you dump her. So be sensitive. Breakups are depressing and no woman wants to hear the ole This isn’t working speech, particularly on text message. Here are a few tips to ease her pain.
Disappearing act
A sudden disappearing act is just too ruthless. It is so un-cool. Women need some sort of closure. Closure also helps them to recognize something is over and prevents them from pining and becoming potential stalkers. Vanishing should be the end note not the beginning note. In other words, break up first and foremost. If she can’t accept it’s over after you have formally and explicitly broken up with her, then it’s acceptable to vanish. Don’t vanish with no explanation. Break up, before trying to vanish.
Be sensitive to Her life
She has a life too. If she just lost her job or went through a hard time, you may want to consider that. You should not delay it for long because she needs to get the truth sooner rather than later. Don’t string her along. But just be sensitive as to the time and the place of the breakup. Don’t break up with her in the middle of a friends wedding for example. Don’t break up on text have the courtesy to do it in person or at least over the phone. Use text only as a backup to the official breakup. If you’ve broken up with her in person or by talking, and she continues to text, then it’s okay to back the breakup up with a breakup text, or just ignore her if necessary.
Temper the cruelty
Don’t break up for malicious reasons or do it in a malicious fashion. Some men like to fester and then pounce. For example, maybe she blew her stack at you one too many times and pushed you into knowing that it was going to be over. Maybe you subconsciously decided to string her along while scanning other options. Then, once you have another woman in line for your own comfort, you exact your revenge. Men are good at plot planning a revenge on a woman. If the woman makes them upset they will exhibit patience while they plan their response. Since there is often a delay in the delivery, the woman can go into shock at seemingly random cruelty.
The point is, try not to get overly insulting. If you want to trash her you may actually still have some feelings as hatred is closer to love than you think. Therefore, if you feel the urge to trash her try to refrain from it.
Don’t feed her a line
When the man says it is not you its me, we all know that is a lie. Usually, it is her. Men who don’t want to be with a particular woman can manufacture all of the excuses in the world from being busy to not wanting to be in a relationship. We all know if it’s the right woman, everyone wants to be in a relationship as its human nature. Feeding her a line of excuses is not productive as she will roll them over and over in her head and try to hang on. In fact, a bunch of excuses and put offs can create stalker like behavior in her. It will cause her to lower her standards, put up with you dating other woman, and demean herself. If you don’t want to be with her, just let her know in no uncertain terms.
Keeping in touch
If you keep in touch with a woman who you have dumped, and she still has strong feelings for you, the odds are high that she is pining for you. The more in love with you she was, the more careful you need to be to avoid stringing her along with false hope that you will get back with her. Keep in mind that her line about being friends is often subterfuge and she is really patrolling in the waters and hoping to get you back. Therefore, if you have to demote her to friends don’t stay too close at all.
For the first year, you should pretty much drop off the radar and treat her more as an acquaintance than a close best friend. Until she is weaned off of you, it’s best not to feed her false hope. Don’t text her up and resurrect her because you’re lonely between girlfriends. Don’t selfishly confide in her, stop by for a random encounter because you happen to be between ladies, or cry on her shoulder in the wee hours to feed your own ego. If you never intend on being with her, try to leave her alone so she can get on with her life. If a woman is in love, she is insanely bonded, and that bond takes a really long time to break down for her.
Don’t waffle or wait
Some men have a strong constitution and if a woman is not the right one they will cut ties and fly solo until someone new comes along. Most however, like the creature comforts of having a woman around. So, they will fight, on/off or simply string along a woman on their way out until a new woman gets shoed in.
Once the new woman is on the scene, the man announces by text, I met someone so don’t contact me. To the man its fine because he’s been fading out and he thinks the woman should have seen the writing on the wall and to him this is just the final curtain call. To the woman however, even if she saw the writing on that wall she might have chosen to keep wool over her eyes. So, the new woman will come as a total shock. Getting replaced by a new woman is the most hurtful of all, particularly if she has not met anyone yet.
If you want to be more gentle perhaps make it clear to her that you will not commit, and are looking for other women to date. At least she will know that you are moving on and that you meeting someone new is inevitable. Better to be braced for bad news than get blindsided. Oh yeah and the whole I didn’t plan to meet anyone, it just happened, line doesn’t make it hurt any less for her. More than likely you didn’t get hit on the head with a new woman, you were looking. So don’t lie about it.
The truth hurts
Men try to soften the blow and reassure a woman they are dumping about how great they are and how someone will find them and how they deserve someone that wants the same thing as them and blah, blah, blah. There is nothing wrong with reassuring her however patronizing her can be hurtful. That is another reason why breaking up before you meet someone new is the softest way to do it. At least you both are on common footing. When one person is already with someone new and the other person is alone, it intensifies the pain for them. You can’t control love and timing, but try to be sensitive.
Don’t break up by text. Break up by phone or in person instead. It’s more sensitive and humane. Use text as the backup to a breakup. If the person continues to bother you after you have read them the riot act then using text as a reaffirmation is acceptable. Don’t engage in text wars after a breakup. A short message reaffirming you’ve moved on is all you need.
Don’t be an on again off again lover
One of the biggest crazy makers for women is on off relationships. As a man, you should be extremely cautious about sinking into volatile on off relationships with women. I often hear men comment that they have met women that are a little bit crazy. It is often the case that these men are crazy makers. The women aren’t necessarily crazy, but the men bring that insecurity out in them and foster the crazy behavior.
Avoid crazy making patterns by being consistent. Constantly fighting, breaking up, intermittent girlfriends, getting back together, and being intimate after a breakup can drive a woman nuts and understandably so. If you have a volatile relationship and lots of texting when you were together then you can’t expect much less when you break up. Just understand that unhealthy relationships inevitably lead to unhealthy breakups and even stalkers.
Acting with consistency and honestly and respect for the other person will always serve you well. Breakups totally suck so be kind, honest within reason and brief about it. Use text messages only to back up a breakup, not as a method of delivering a breakup.
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