No matter how bad your lovers quarrel with your girlfriend, one thing you should never do is to unleash your darkest relationship fears to her very text message. It’s very emasculation-like and if anyone is going to go emo on text message, let it be her. If you need to cower or blather, save it for face to face time with her after you are completely calm. A little distance and then avoiding the hysteria vortex is going to be way more alpha and you will thank yourself for the effort. You’ll have a better chance of solving your problems with her, while meanwhile giving her a heavy dose of fear that if she doesn’t calm down she may lose you.
Whatever you do, don’t go Emo on text message with her
This goes for extreme happiness too. If you want to start singing her praise and reciting Shakespeare sonnets to her, you might want to leave that off text message to. This represents a pendulum of too much emotion that is the opposite of fighting but still potentially damaging because you come off as a sap who is wrapped around her little finger. In either situation, its best to come off as cool, calm, collected, and with a back bone. If you can avoid sliding into the mud-slinging pit or the smarmy pit, you will come off as a strong man. If you don’t have a melt-down and stay calm she will come to rely on your voice of reason and look up to you for it. Keep extreme emotions off the text airwaves!
Let’s say she is off doing something that bothers you, like attending a bachelorette party with a zillion girlfriends in Las Vegas. Are you going to text her constantly like a chick would? Don’t. Or what about the opposite, you’ve gone off to Tahoe on your yearly condo boogie with the buddies, and meanwhile she is blowing up your phone with her insecurity. This type of neediness going in either direction is going to be flames for a fire.
If genuine feelings are being gushed out in a communication format with 160 characters as limit, whatever you say will sound stupid. If it’s some short quip it is dumb, and if it’s a long drawn out babble its even dumber. Tell her not to worry, that she will be fine, and that you will talk to her later. Then stick to it. The goal is to avoid being sucked into the babble vortex where anything you say can and will be held against you.
Breaking up on a whim and other limbic texts
With text message there seems to be this magical way that texts can go from A to Z, in a mere matter of seconds. That means, some needy text followed by an unwelcome or insensitive response can five texts later, become the two of you broken up! Even if you have thought methodically about the relationship and decided long before it is not going to work, do not conduct the breakup on text message. Text breakups have a tendency not to stick. If you make up later, then your breakups won’t be taken seriously and you’ve not got a stalker on your hands of your own creation by being the boy who cried wolf. Even if they do stick, they are classless.
If you’ve only seen a girl a few times and decided she is not for you, a text breakup might do, if you want to avoid some sort of confrontation and fear her reaction. However, if this is someone with whom you’ve surpassed a couple of dates and you actually know her, then any breakup initiated by text message is totally classless. Don’t dump her via texting, e-mails, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. It doesn’t matter if it was the most toxic relationship one could fathom.
Breaking up with her on text is just a poor reflection on you and your integrity. Furthermore, if you break up on text and she doth protest, you can expect your phone to be blown up by her indignation over being dumped in the manner. Either that, or she will beg, whine, cry and complain to you to death until you throw up your hands and make up with her. Then its rinse, lather, repeat and you are officially stuck in an on-off relationship with a stalker. Also, breaking up on text just does not stick that well. You might even be the one texting her at 2 in the morning after the bar closes, asking her whats up. Text messages are men, ineffective, and more apt to create on-off toxic relationship than they are to do anything beneficial.
If you want to break up think it through long and hard. Then when you do break up make if final and conclusive. If you know that you aren’t going to wind up with this girl, you are doing her a favor by chopping the relationship off directly at the neck, leaving little opportunity for squirming and worming. Tell her face-to-face or at least in person that the relation is not working, that you are done and plan to move on, and that you need to go separate ways.
Tell her to make this easier you won’t be texting or responding and she should stop contacting you. You can try to explain to her the reasons for the breakup if you think it would help but the most helpful thing is to make it clear to her that it is over. She will be upset but can start the process of getting over you rather than hanging on like a pathetic doormat. Then, do not respond to her texts.
If a girl was really in love with you then it’s probably going to take her six to nine months to get over you and separate herself emotionally. Staying in touch with her literally will not help. If you have zero intention of winding up with her you are doing her the biggest favor by staying away and giving her plenty of time, at least six months to get over you. Do not befriend her until at least 9 to 12 months later when she is totally over it. This is the humane thing to go for a girl who you know is not the one.
The message is clear that texting is the most popular relationship communication method today. Drunk dialing barely exists, drunk texting reigns. Initiation of dates, sexting, and even breakups are routinely done via text message. Just know that text message communication comes a price. Text message blurs the line between boyfriend/girlfriend relations or casual hookups, and can create confusion in the parties involved as to relationship status.
This gray area can lead to fighting, trash-talking each other, and other forms of texts sent that are reactions before any thinking happens. After all, the fingers can type away and it’s equivalent to having a big mouth when you can text ad nauseum. The person can’t hang up with you, and has to go to the extent of blocking you to make a point that they are done listening. Sometimes, the ambiguity of text just makes it not worth it. If you want to get something done, call her and go directly to the source rather than beating around the text bush.