Is your relationship one of those on again off again roller coaster rides? Are you never quite sure if he or she will even return a text? When the roller coaster is at the fun part of the ride, the relationship seems great but just as high as you go, you fall even lower. Studies show that people in on off relationships are usually headed for heart ache and strife.
Before you rekindle that past romance one more time, think twice. Research of such relationships have found that people in them are more likely to get depressed, have lower self esteem, and even more doubts about relationships in general. On off relationships bring woes, tension, and instill insecurity about the future.
The problem in on off text relationships
One of the common texting problems is the now you see them now you don’t phenomenon. Sometimes they are all over you and things are great, other times all you can do is fight. Still other times they stone-wall you. Throughout these cycles bad patterns can develop such as raging on text, flame wars on text, one person texting the other person ignoring, unsafe sex, love triangles, stone walling, and more.
The problem with such relationships is that there is usually a very poor pattern of communication happening. This is either because it started off too casual, or remained casual, or one person just isen’t that invested in the relationship and views it merely as a plan B. Such a person is going to be really ambiguous about their status as a couple and they will drift where the wind takes them including into and out of other dating opportunities.
If one of the people in such a relationship do find themselves another opportunity, they are more likely to be impulsive about kicking you to the curb. So the relationship becomes a merry-go-round with other people getting on and off the ride as well.
The cause of on and off relationships
On off relationships are caused by lack of equal commitment of the two people. They tend to be more tempestuous, more fighting, and ill-equiped to resolve conflicts.
Relationship experts advise that if you are considering rekindling such a relationship for a new on phase, don’t. Don’t get back together and you will stop the cycle. Numerous studies suggest that the chances of making it work the second, third or fourth go around are slim. Stop the cycle and cut bait.
As an example, if your boyfriend learned that he could be nice to you for three weeks then blow you off and ignore all of your texts for three weeks, do you think he is really going to change? He has already learned what he can get away with. Same situation for guys. If she was willing to leave you and go date someone else do you really want to take her back?
On and off relationships are emotionally dangerous. Think twice before getting back into a cycle. If you are just into the relationship for sex and a good time then you won’t get hurt but its possible the other party wants that engagement and has different hopes for the relationship. This can lead to heartache, resentment, and a whole lot of texting.
It takes two committed to the relationship for there to be hope
If you do get back into a cyclical relationship be sure to give enough time for both partners to make sure they have the same goals and expections. Make a plan for making things work, and don’t even go there if the other person is not committed to making things work too. If takes two. If there is just one of you that wants the relationship, it won’t work.
If he doesn’t text you back that means that there is just one of you in the relationship and unfortunately this is a major red flag that things probably won’t work out. Resentment will build over one of the partners lack of commitment and the cyclical pattern will go from on to off … again.