Too many women are trying too hard to make a relationship work and one of the ways this manifests is when you text him too much. It is true that all relationships require work in order to be successful. But when you are sending text messages to somebody who really isn’t responding or acting interested, you are trying to shore up a relationship that doesn’t even have a chance. And guess what that spells, desperation.
Trying too hard
When a guy see this he is instantly going to click off and decide that you aren’t worth being with in a serious way, trust me I know. He might like you, he might like having sex with you, but he does not want a future with you plain and simple. He makes a conscious choice not to give you a reciprocating love, the kind that you really want. You aren’t his type, aren’t good enough, young enough, pretty enough, elusive enough, rich enough, exotic enough, whatever you are not enough of in his mind. There might be some elemental level of attraction missing to where you are just not his dream girl. He might feel like he is not done looking around and figuring out what his dream girl is. No amount on texting him and trying to keep things ongoing by messaging stories, love notes, jokes, etc to him is ever going to work.
Maybe he is emotionally unavailable for a real relationship or maybe he is vulnera-phobic, or maybe he is having fun dating you along with the other women in his black book that you don’t even know about because they are hidden from sight. Maybe he is a player. Most likely, the truth is that you are just not the women who is going to knock his socks off and make him want to be in a relationship with you. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, trust me we would not be having this conversation. You would not be getting managed down to crumb text expectations and acclimating yourself to his crumb gift of a barely there connection with you. You’d be at his house, spending the weekend, meeting his friends, and on the phone. You’d be together and having fun at that. Texting would not be the major crux of your relationship.
Trying to make a relationship shoe fit, that doesn’t fit
We always want what we can’t have. So this guy might be a little out of your league that you get fixated on. He might have plenty of options with women and he becomes this alpha male that you decide is the one. When this happens to a women she will naively bend herself over backwards and kill herself to make a relationship with this fantasy guy. She tries so hard, that she doesn’t even stop to acknowledge that he is not participating. You could be the single mom, or divorcee in middle age that is having a hard time finding a guy that will even date you in her age bracket, or the younger woman who’s biological clock is ticking furiously because her friends are all heading into marriage and kids territory, or a younger woman going after the stud muffin in college that plenty of other pretty girls are also vying for.
No matter what the exact dating scenario, this guy is not in it all the way and as a matter a fact he has one foot if not two out the door. But in your mind you can make him into so much the perfect guy that you just won’t take no for an answer. You keep plotting, planning and texting, trying desperately to make him into a committed boyfriend. The shoe really doesn’t fit but you are going to jam your giant foot into it trying to make it work. Bending over backwards, being nice, calling and texting, waiting patiently while he works his way through other girlfriends and various life crisis’s thinking if you can just wait it out some how and act cool with casual dating and putting up with what he is doing eventually he will be yours. Nope.
As the dating books will tell you, if you find yourself doing all the work in the relationship and always being the one texting, initiating contact, and putting in an effort to keep in touch and arrange get togethers, you are settling. Settling for literally crumbs and a relationship that 100% does not exist. Waiting for days, weeks, months, and then years and all the while letting other opportunities pass you by while trying in vain to cement this casual relationship into something real. Years of birthdays, holidays, and memorable occasions where you really aren’t with him or his family and have yet to be integrated into his life at all. If sounds crazy but it happens all the time where women just get stuck in a long term casual relationship that does not exist but for the hope that it someday will, and it won’t ever.
What you really have to do is look into the crystal ball and foreshadow things. If you have been with a guy for several months or even years making most of the effort and you still aren’t committed or exclusive or integrated into his life, where is it all going? Nowhere! This is the guy that will string you along until he finally does meet someone who knocks is socks off. Over night you’ll be shocked when he is ready for a relationship, just not with you, and at that point you’ll be ready to like kill yourself. So, maybe you’ll look back and think, all those text messages to someone who wasn’t even giving me a damn date. I was chasing him on text message because I wasn’t on a consistent weekend date with him, why, because we weren’t together nor did he have any intention of us ever being together.
I think women know when they are down managed from a real relationship and categorized into casual. The biggest red flag is when you are the one texting a guy and he is barely communicating back and only getting together with you and asking you out once in a while. Well, they know the deal. But you just don’t want to accept it is going nowhere so you choose to be in denial. If you are getting some things out of it like intermittent days and sex, you can keep deluding yourself for a long time that a relationship will develop from it. The self delusion can be because you still want him to be the one and change his mind about you, you don’t want to face meeting someone new, don’t want to be alone, and don’t want to deal with it. If the guy is giving crumbs, like a date every week or few weeks, then you could go on endlessly uncommitted in delusion that it is progressing and texting him in between all the while.
And while it is not progressing, you can compensate for him in all sorts of ways. He is usually physically unavailable and off doing his thing so of course you establish a lot of text message communications to keep in touch with him while he is running his life that actually does not include you. You feel like you have a connection because he is willing to text you back some times and keep in touch and keep stringing you along with bare minimum effort required of him.
You can go on like that for a while where you mask the situation by making a huge effort to maintain the semblance of a connection that you have. But when you finally stop catering to his needs and to your need to fake a relationship with him, there is no relationship there. There is no relationship just a few periodic dates not really enough to add up to much of anything. Most of these relationships are all in your head and on text, and its all about your dream of being in a relationship and pretending that you are by texting and keeping in touch when in fact you aren’t. And if you stopped texting, contacting, or trying, you probably would hear from this guy once a month if you were lucky at that.
The question you have to ask yourself if why should you stick around trying to create a relationship by doing all the work yourself? No matter how great a guy he is and how hot and popular and successful and suited for you he is, if he isn’t in a relationship with you and refuses to be, what good does that do you? Maybe you are getting some ego and sexual needs met but you are also keeping your head in the sand for a guy that is not in a relationship with you and will eventually ditch you most likely. A relationship has to be a two way street. It is so obviously shown out with the texting patterns. If you have a guy where you text him every few days and he doesn’t even bother to respond do you call that a two way street? You do realize if you are mostly texting its because he just won’t deal with phone calls with you, right? If you have to initiate talking to him with a text message because he goes missing days if not weeks on end busy with god knows what is that a two way street? No.
The moral to the story is that if you are chasing after a guy on text message or otherwise and he is really not responsive or genuinely reciprocating, it is unlikely that something will change about you two. He’s already shown his cards that he is not interested in a relationship with you. The very fact you mostly text as a means of communication is showing cards of a non-relationship. As long as you are willing and don’t bother him too much he will likely string you along, In fact, what guy would turn down a backup girlfriend who can get stuck in the broom closet whenever he needs to do something else. Wow, if you are dating a guy in a one way relationship (and the texting will tell you if you are) it’s pretty brutal to hear this stuff but it really is true. You better not be madly in love with him and you better have lots of other hot guys to date in order to put up with a one way relationship like that without geting radically hurt in the end.
If you are doing most of the contact initiating, and you find yourself on text message a lot to keep in touch with one another, trust me you are not in a relationship. You are texting too much and trying way too hard to make it work. You are settling for a text relationship not a real relationship, and you are compensating for the lack of relationship by keeping the nothingness going by texting him all the time. Stop texting and you’ll know what is really going on if you ever even hear from this guy again. If you hear from him in a month and he wants to get together, figure out if you want to get with a guy who is so busy with his life that he can only get together with you once a month, arranged by text no less.