Texting too much out of jealousy and how to overcome it

Are you dating a new girl or boy and not yet exclusive?  Dating without monogamy or exclusivity can be nerve wracking.  It can inspire serious jealousy.  This is particularly true about online dating. 

With online dating, you are meeting a girl or boy that you would not otherwise have the opportunity to meet, which is exciting.  But along with the excitement, online dating has its unique set risks. Just as there are thousands of people to choose from, there are also thousands of people you’ll be competing with.  That makes for a whole lot of jealousy going on.

Risks of online dating

What happens if you get involved with someone you met online and they continue to date others?  Both women and men can quickly get swept up in a new romance with someone they met online.  Be careful.  Online dating is perilous and you could unwittingly become one of several women or men a person is simultaneously seeing.  Think how you would feel being intimate then having to constantly notice your dream date still cruising online with an active profile.

Get to know someone before getting physically intimate with them.  If you have good chemistry this can be hard but it is well advised to date for a while before getting physical.  Make sure when you do choose to be intimate that you are aware if this person plans to continue dating or remove their profile from the dating sites. 

You needn’t demand that they remove your profile early on in dating since that is pushy. Yet, don’t get physically involved until there is some sort of discussion.   The last thing you want to do is to become intimate with a person you met online thinking that it may be going somewhere, only to realize days later that the person has updated their photos, added new pictures and become more active online than ever!

Managing your jealousy when dating online

If you are dating someone and both of your are in the early stages and still active online then you have to control your jealousy of other women he (or she) is meeting.  It’s pointless to resent other women he meets because the feelings you’ll have won’t be conducive for turning him in to boyfriend (or girlfriend) material.  If you are jealous it can be almost an adrenaline thing that makes you nervous and insecure.  It puts you into a sort of instinct survival model.  You act and behave weird when you are jealous and such behavior is an unattractive turn-off.

Negative emotions over other women can make a woman become rude and judgemental.  She feels unloved so acts like a little child in a tantrum trying to wrap herself around the boy for more love.  This negative energy can happen on the social sites such as insta-gram, face-book and my-space.  You might be friends with a man you are dating and view his profile in a state of jealousy.  Does he comment on other women’s photographs?  Have you searched his entire friends list?  Are you hunting down photographs of his ex?  If you’ve ever done anything like this then you are jealous and you’ll be operating off of negative energy.  It will cause you to act differently around him and he’ll notice.

Recognize you are jealous

If you find yourself becoming the pursuer or smothering your new love, then you are jealous.  The first step is to recognize your problem.  You’re going to feel disturbed about what he is up to, stressed out, anxious and craving more love and attention from him.  If you don’t receive it, you’ll feel angry and resentful.  Then, you’ll be tempted to cut him down.  If stalker behavior is emerging and you’ve never been a stalker before, you are jealous.  Recognizing that you are is actually a good thing because you can work on controlling the emotion so that it doesn’t destroy your chances at a relationship with him.

Work on controlling jealous behavior

Jealousy often takes the form of text messages.  If you are jealous you may start to try and contact the person more and more to control them.  Are you manipulating plans and worming your way into their life more because you are jealous?  If you are then rest assured they will feel smothered.  If you are stalking profiles, calling too much, texting all the time, and kitten swiping then you are jealous and must control these behaviors.

Taking swipes at your boyfriend (or girlfriends) activities or friends is a harmful manifestation of jealousy.  If you find yourself cutting the person down, acting sarcastic or making unfounded accusations then jealousy may be the culprit.  Recognize jealous behaviors and try to control them.  The first thing is to stop doing damaging behaviors.  The next thing is to try and recognize your jealousy more completely and learn to deal with it in appropriate ways. 

Don’t let jealousy turn you into a witch because you will drive him/her away from you with such insecure and pushy behavior.

Focus on yourself

If you find yourself obsessing over the competition and other women you need to focus on yourself.  There will always be a more attractive person on your heels.  Therefore the best thing to do is turn focus on yourself and try to improve your whole persona.  Are you jealous that other girls are dressed nicer?  Turn focus on yourself and go through your entire closet.  Go shopping and spruce up your wardrobe. Take stock of your own strengths and be grateful for the gifts and positive things that you have in your own life.

Are you jealous of the talents of other girls?  Perhaps there artists, athletes, models and celebrity type girls that make you envious.  Instead of focusing on them see what is missing to make your own life better rounded.  Whether it means taking up dancing lessons or working out or pursuing a hobby then do so.  Your jealousy may have to do with the fact that you don’t feel your own life is exciting enough.  Work on that aspect.  Try to use the jealousy as motivation to get your own act together.

Don’t compare

Don’t compare hair to hair with other women.  Obsessing over minutia is going to alter your state of mind to the point where you don’t act like yourself.  Nobody wants to hang out with a sour grape. How can you be happy, sweet and enjoyable to be around if you are sizzling with jealousy inside?  It’s impossible to be genuinely happy when you are jealous.  Just know that comparison is a state of thinking where your mind gets totally caught up in the details.  Step back and appreciate what other women have to offer.  It may give you some ideas for things to improve about yourself.

Comparison is totally subjective. You might be jealous of a gorgeous girl with a fabulous figure when you are a plump and dumpy mom at forty. In reality, you might be the envy of that seemingly fabulous girl. You look at her going to clubs in sexy outfits and posting photographs of herself among beautiful fun friends. She however, might be pushing forty and never married with no children. She’d probably trade her lifestyle for being a mom in a heartbeat.

So, before you are jealous of people you have to understand that it is completely subjective.  You might envy a girl with silky long hair but in reality that hair is hair extensions.  You might envy her photographs but they are ten years old and she doesn’t even look like that anymore. You are jealous, but in the grand scheme of things, she might be jealous of you! Go get yourself a mommy makeover and improve your looks. No matter who you are there are plenty of ways to self improve.

Figure out why you are so threatened and do something about it

You’ll have a tendency to over glorify the beauty of other women.  If you don’t feel pretty enough it’s time to go on a beauty routine and spruce up your own looks.  This can start with a makeover and shopping.  Sometimes women are cunning about the photos they post.  If they are picture junkies the odds are they take hundreds of pictures and only post the best of the best to market themselves as beautiful.  If you’re jealous of the apparently amazing lifestyle of other women, it may be time to spruce up your own zone.  Take new pictures and get decked out.  Take pictures with friends and family.  Snap a few when you go to fancy locations.   Market yourself better.

You can add some glitz to your life just by sprucing up your social photographs!  Rather then feeling threatened come up with a plan.  Do a makeover on your social profiles and add new pictures and information.  Think of your profiles as a brochure that shows the best of a vacation destination.  If you are threatened it is often from women being prettier, more popular, and looking to lead a more glamorous life.  They may not be that much more glamorous, they are just smarter about being able to market themselves as such. 

Remember Cindy Margolis?  She become the most downloaded woman on the Internet for years a while back.  She wasn’t the prettiest girl by a long shot however she was a marketing major who decided to market herself and become famous doing so successfully.

Come up with a plan

If you’re drowning in jealousy you need to come up with a plan.  You need a clear vision of the big picture and why you are feeling this way.  For one thing, the person you are dating may not be that into you.  For another, you may not be exclusive at all.  This can be at the root of your obsessing about other women.  Think everything you are feeling out on paper and come up with a plan.

The plan should not be to manipulate your date.  It should be to improve yourself to make yourself as attractive as possible.  It may involve improving your hair and makeup, purchasing new clothes, getting onto a workout program, or expanding your hobbies and social networks.  Revamp your social profiles and take lots of pictures.  The more you focus on yourself, the better your state of mind will be.

Look for inspiration

Try to view the object of your jealousy as inspiration.  Get ideas for how to improve your own strengths.  You may have many gifts and abilities that you aren’t showcasing.  Identify what those are and expand on that.  There will always be prettier, younger and more exciting people.  Every single person faces competition no matter who they are.  Clear your mind and realize its just a part of life.  Clean and organize your house or go out to the gym or for a jog.  Take focus back onto your own life and quit worrying about what others have to offer.

If you shift focus onto improving your own life you’ll become way more productive and consequently, more attractive to people.  Your jealousy will be kept at bay and you won’t be exerting relationship pressure on your date.  You’ll see that very quickly you can become that person with the seemingly amazing life.  People will gravitate towards you.  Again, find your strengths and unique qualities and set about expanding on them.  If you are happy and productive people will naturally be drawn to you.  Your own life will be more exciting.

Ask yourself if the relationship is worth it

When a man really likes a girl, or vice verse, it is generally obvious.  That person becomes the center of attention.  If you are feeling jealous and insecure you may want to give your relationship some serious thought.  Is this feeling you are having worth it?  Sometimes jealousy can be inspiring.  For example you may want to dress up for him and have a great time doing it.  He might motivate you to look and be your best.  But if jealousy is eating you up inside there may be a lack of connection in the relationship.  Are you sure you want to go on a roller-coaster ride with someone who may not be that into you? 

Decide if the relationship is worth fighting for and if it is work on being the best person you can.  Be realistic.  Sometimes we date people that we know deep down can do better.  We know the relationship has an expiration date.  For example, if you are dating someone substantially younger, who lives far away, or is already involved with someone else then think rationally.  A relationship may be out of your league for whatever reasons.  If you know this to be the case then enjoy the time you spend or opt out to save yourself some heartache.  Be realistic about whether a fledgling relationship even has a chance to work out before you spend too much time obsessing on it.

Don’t stalk or obsess for hours on end.  If you feel jealous then get up and start moving.  Take on projects and busy yourself with activities.  Go out for the day and do something you don’t normally do.  Sign up for a class and go to it.  Create fun, new and interesting activities for yourself.  If you are a loner, then immerse yourself in work and get tons of stuff accomplished.  Then you’ll get your mind back.  Jealousy is never a good boding for a relationship.  Recognizing your jealousy, analysing the relationship, and then choosing focus on your own life to keep jealousy at bay will help keep your relationship more than you know.


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