Texts not to send him

There are certain texts that while you think they are endearing, may really leave a man fearing. Men are scared of stalker chicks and if they aren’t really interested in you, they know that your tendency to go stalker on them will skyrocket.  There are certain texts that send warning signals to men that you are just too wrapped up on them and not your own life.  Here’s a few examples that while well-intentioned, might leave him with an Eww feeling that you are way too into him for his liking.

What’s up? (aka you pursuing him)

Don’t bother him with pester-texts.  Men have a purpose or a goal when they text, and they don’t typically text pesky sweet nothings.  This sort of text sounds like a ping, or like a booty-call text actually.  It’s something a guy would do if he is looking to get intimate with you on short notice, or do the proverbial hang out and fool around but don’t even go anywhere routine.  This message just seems like a booty-text, or like you are looking for excuses to text him for no reason. It makes it sound like you aren’t interested in dating but are interested in idle chit-chat, which is bad.  It teaches him to text you and simply respond to your texts, rather than call you and ask you out.

He knows your number and if he was wondering whats up with you, he would text you.  Not, the other way around.  Stick to specifics instead for example, send something flirty and fun that keeps him guessing, rather than asking him what he’s been up to.  Tell him you went shopping and got a cute outfit instead, at least you’d have a shot at getting asked out rather than communicating useless texts about what’s up.  If he wanted to know what’s up that bad, he’d call you.

I think about you all the time… (aka obsession)

It’s probably true if you are thinking it, and you might think its sweet to say it, but in some sense you are coming off as a little obsessive which can really frighten a guy off.  Avoid the too much too soon syndrome and leave him alone.  The great thing about leaving him alone is that you don’t pump false air into the relationship.  If you text, and he responds, you might over sensationalize his interest, where if you hadn’t texted him, he would not have even bothered to get in touch with you.

Leaving some initiating up to him helps you see his interest in you plain and clearly, without providing him with an easy crutch with which to string you along.  Try something different like mentioning you had fun doing such and such, and just leaving it at that.  No sense in letting him know how obsessive you really are before he finds out for himself.

I can’t wait to see you again! (aka way too available)

Sending him messages that scream how serious about him you are, or how much you are falling for him, takes away some of the mystery.  If he thinks he has you in the bag, he is going to be the one to back off a little bit and wonder why you are so over him.  Give him a chance to win over your affection rather than just throwing your affection and devotion at his feet.

It completely takes away the dating challenge to be chomping at the bit to see him.  If he values you and really likes you then he himself is going to be keen on seeing you again soon.  Most likely he will text right after the date and call you up soon after.  If he doesn’t do that, then he isn’t that interested.  You sending him bugle calls about your availability is a total turnoff to him.

It’s a mistake to get carried away and assume that a guy is yours for the taking.  Women can get carried away with how much they like a man, and forget about the fact that he has to like you back.  Don’t get too far ahead and start to make grandiose plans and announce after a few dates that you are shutting down your dating profile in order to focus on him.  That is all for the man to take initiative on.

If you offer yourself up free on a silver platter, it just is not appetizing and furthermore, it invites him to take advantage.  Since he knows you’re sitting home pining and obsessing about him, he is going to go after the girl who has a whirlwind life and try to get a date in advance with her!  You, will be just the backup plan.

Temper your enthusiasm and let him contact you and ask you out again.  The great thing about letting him take the lead is that you can gauge clearly what his interest level in you is, rather than clouding it up be creating a bunch of your own noise by contacting him, texting him, asking him what he is up to, etc.

Can you come to my family function? (aka getting ahead of yourself)

Cornering him to get involved with your family early on is definitely a test of how interested in you he is, but it’s also fraught with awkward potential.  If you are in the courtship phase, you might want to wait until he asks you to a social or family event before you do the same.  If he hasn’t introduced you to even so much as a friend, and you are trying to drag him to family events, it screams how serious about him you are, and not the reverse.

If he values you, then it’s more likely that he will start to include you in some events, with friends or family. If he does, then you are open to be reciprocal in those invitations.  Let him take the lead lest you give him the impression you are desperate to call him your boyfriend.

If you do have an event, you could make a casual invitation, which puts less pressure on him.  Only do this if he shows a genuine interest in your family.  For example, I can’t do anything with you Saturday because I’m having dinner with my family, you’re welcome to join us.  That kind of thing leaves him an opening to either accept or reject an invitation.  In general its best to let him take the lead in this. If he demonstrates that he is interested in having you meet his peeps, then you can feel comfortable extending invitations as well.  If you’ve never met anyone in his life, inviting him to family functions will just feel awkward.

Why did you disappear? (aka desperate and insecure)

This is a variant of the Where have you been lately text, and both do not go over well with a man.  Trust me he knows you are alive and if he has blown you off for a couple of weeks he is very well aware of the fact that he is doing it.  A man knows exactly where he is coming from and where he is going to and don’t delude yourself into thinking he is so busy that weeks slipped by without him remembering to contact you.  He completely remembers.

The where have you been text, or where did you go, or why have I not heard from you text is sort of like a guilt trip.  Guilt tripping him into talking to you makes it seem like you are desperate.  If he wants to string you along he is likely to claim some busy with work excuse (aka busy seeing someone else).  This is where women make up excuses to justify the fact that a man just doesn’t have a high interest in them.  They excuse a barely there interest level as he’s busy, which is a lie, and then they even let him get away with that excuse!

Don’t give out hall passes for bad behavior because all it does is train him that with you, bad behavior works.  He knows he likes you and all he has to do is toss out occasional crumbs to keep your interest while keeping all of his options open.  Trust that if a man likes you, he likes you enough not to forget you exist for two or three weeks on end.  It’s a clear sign he’s seeing other people, not that he’s that busy at work.  Don’t forget about the guy who is really busy at work when in fact he has a girlfriend with whom he practically lives that you don’t even know exists.

Texts never and not to send him


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