The real reason why he won’t make up with you

Has he dumped you by text, poofed, vanished or disappeared on you?  Was he texting you and communicating with you and dating you and acting interested only to pull a Houdini?  Did you get into a minor spat and now he will no longer even speak to you? 

Is he dating other woman and you don’t understand why he likes them better that you?  Did you catch him cheating only to have him turn around and dump you after getting caught in his own web of dating duplicity?

He won’t make up with you because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you

Women mull over the tiny details of things that what wrong and led to his disappearing act.  Sometimes he even orchestrated the fight that led to him leaving, almost as if to purposely sabotage any progress in the relationship.  If you are getting lost in the details of why he left and what happened that led up to it, you aren’t seeing the higher level truth.  The higher level truth is that its usually not about a particular fight you had.  It’s that he does not want a relationship with you.  Since he does not want a relationship, he does not see the value in making up.  Why would his effort into something that he does not want in the first place.

Women overlook this very important fact when dating someone or when trying to disassemble and understand a breakup or promising relationship that went sour.  They forgot to look for the very important signs early on of whether he seemed to be looking for a relationship at all.  If you look closely for the signs of his wanting a relationship and cue off that, you save yourself untold heartache down the road. 

Women analyze the relationship from their own ego-centric point of view thinking about whether he is a good fit for her.  What they forget, is that he is doing the exact same thing.  And if he doesn’t see a relationship happening with you, there will be signs.  He will decrease his texting, his emails, his phone-calls, his plan making.  He will hurt your feelings or break plans without seeming to care too much about it.  He will act dismissive about your feelings and become increasingly unaccountable for inconsiderate things that he has done. 

If it clicks in his mind that he does not want a relationship, then he will talk less and communicate less because he cares less.  He will become a flake.  He will have excuses.  He will hem and haw about relationship status and avoid discussions.  Problems will happen because he is not invested in the relation.  You might analyze the problems without seeing the bigger and most important problem which is that he just does not want a relationship with you.

Why convincing him to be in a relationship or to make up with you or give you a second chance never works

If he does a disappearing act on you it is obviously hurtful because you are left wondering what is so wonderful about his other dating opportunities that he chooses that over you.  But instead of being so wounded, hurt and rejected, you need to ask yourself if a man who would walk out on you so easily would really make a good partner in the long run.  If he doesn’t like you enough to stick around, how can you possibly make anything work with out with him.  The key is to focus on the fact he doesn’t want a relationship with you, and stop obsessing over why that is.  It is what it is.

Don’t make excuses for a guy that doesn’t want a relationship with you.  Women often create great excuses.  Everything from he was scared of his own feelings, to he’s too busy with getting his life together, he isen’t over her, he just got out of a relationship, he is not ready for a relationship, he doesn’t want to hurt her, is a manufactured excuse that you make for him.  Women are great at making up-stupid excuses for men that just aren’t into them.  The fact of the matter is that if a man likes a woman and wants a relationship with her, he does not have some compulsion to take it slow.  If anything, he has to fight himself from taking things too fast!

Trying to make excuses for him is a big, big mistake.  Instead, believe him that he does not want a relationship.  You’d have a better chance at a relationship down the road if you believed him and sent him packing, than you would sticking around trying to convince him that having a relationship with you is a good idea.  Bending over backwards to please him is synonymous with a total loss of emotional control.

If you stick around and hope he changes his mind, you are taking a humongous risk with your heart.  He will most likely use you as a doormat or a pit stop along the scenic route of finding a woman he actually wants to be exclusive with.  And honestly, no matter what you do it won’t help.  You’ll get more and more attached to him and in love while he will continue to keep you pigeon holed into the stand by girl position.  When he finally ditches you for someone he respects, he has a built in excuse that he never made a commitment.  He won’t feel responsible for dealing with your broken heart because he will convince himself that he warned you.

If you stay with a guy that does not want a relatioship you better be aggresively dating other people because trust me that he definitely is.  His options are open and the second a good opportunity comes up he will vanish.  If you are in love with him, you will be literally unable to focus on other men.  You might convince yourself you can date but on every single date you’ll be wishing he was there instead of your date.  This is why it may be better to go ahead and cut him loose and detach if he does not want a relationship. 

Put yourself first and surprise, surprise, you will earn his respect which is the cornerstone of relationship success

Sadly, sometimes you have to detach from someone you are madly in love with because they don’t want a relationship with you.  When you really love them, it can be incredibly hard to pull away.  Your heart is controlled and you may try to convince yourself that if you just hang in there and accept his non-committal status that good things will happen.  But in the end, good things usually do not happen when you take up a position as a doormat.

As hard as it might be, dating experts advise that if he does not want a relationship with you, then put yourself first and step aside.  Don’t stay, don’t try to convice him, don’t accepts crumbs of attention, and don’t be a doormat while he grass is greeners on you.  Believe it or not, if you put yourself first and protect your own heart, a man will wind up respecting you more in the long run.  The more you show him you aren’t going to get walked all over or lower your own standards, the more he will actually like you!  Men want relationships with women who respect themselves. Self respect always, always, always, trumps being second best.


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