The time between texting tells you about interest level

This may not be initially obvious but you can tell a great deal about interest level if you look at the time between texting him or her.  We know that texting has become the default communication method for daters.  It’s a godsend for some but a nightmare for others because it makes it hard to tell the difference between someone who cares and likes to keep in touch and someone who strings you along with texts so they can use you.

It’s a very accurate measure in his or her interest level, that is for sure.  Not only that, proper text etiquette is to text somebody approximately as much as they text you.  This keeps a balance and reflects healthy relations where interest levels in one another are close to equal rather than off kilter.

 As a rule, you want to invest your time and energy into girls or boys that have a high level of interest in you.  An alpha man is going to have a lower interest level in you because he dates around therefore he is not such a promising relationship candidate.  A gorgeous girl on the other hand could be high value herself and you might be competing heavily for her attention which makes it harder to get her highly interested.  Essentially, the person with the most options at their fingertips tends to have the lowest interest levels.

If your guy or gal takes consistently longer to send you texts than the conclusion is that you have a higher interest level in them than they do in you. Likewise, if they take longer to reply to texts this is another indication that the ball is in their court in this relationships. 

Fight fire with fire

If you notice from the texting patterns that your interest level is way higher than their interest level, you need to fight fire with fire.  You can do this by reducing your texts to him (or her).  You can also do this by taking much longer to reply to his or her text messages.  Now if you do this as a game, it won’t work.  Deep down you need to believe it that you don’t want to engage with someone who is not interested.  If you do it as a play, it won’t work.  You have to reduce contact because you believe in your value and don’t care to chase after someone not equally if not more interested in you.

So here we go, you really can’t fake it.  Reducing your texts and text response time certainly helps as it puts a stop to needs behavior and too high interest level.   But you have to go deeper than that.  You have to actually find the other things to do so that you aren’t texting because you life is full of activity.  That is authentic.  Get busy, is the bottom line.  This will make your reduction in initiating texts and slowdown in your response into authentic responses rather than fake responses trying to manipulate them into liking you more.  It’s time to back off and the more authentic and real the back off is, the better of you are.

People of both sexes enjoy the chase and once you plaster yourself all over someone with text messages and the feelings are not reciprocated you are literally doing damage to the relationship.  You are become the person with sky-rocking interest levels that indicate desperation. Such pathetic behavior is insidious and harmful to any relationship.  A perfect example is you are texting him 10 or 20 times before you ever get a response.  Don’t do that!

If you goal is to have successful relationships you need to find and interact with people who have equal if not higher interest in you than you have in them.  If the interest levels are not too far off, you can slightly turn the tables more in your favor by reducing your texting.  Text every couple of days or randomly and if you simply aren’t getting responses then stop initiating.

Calibrate your interest levels by mirroring

Meanwhile, calibrate yourself and find other things to do.  Date other people, go on a health kick, clean your house or garage, or take on a project you’ve been procrastinating.  It may be boring but it will actually help your relation more than it will hurt it.  Take a little bit longer to text them back.  Be the first to end conversations every now and then.  If her (or his) interest level seems to be as strong if not strong than yours, then treat that person respectfully as you try to explore the potential of a relationship with them.

If you notice that your love interest take a long time to text back, rarely initiates the texts, and always ends the conversations it is time to back off.  This will help regular the interest levels.  It may not make them like you more but most definitely it will show that you don’t chase and that you have good dating game.   This sort of mirroring (e.g. if they don’t initiate then you should stop initiating, if they don’t respond to your texts then don’t keep texting) will suss out bogus relationships quickly and free you faster before you become emotionally obsessed and cling prone.  Being a cling is unattractive.

Don’t question a girl or guy asking them why they are not responding to you timely.  They could be busy, so give them a few hall passes if they flake on texting.  Rest assured over time it will become clear whether they are busy, or permanently busy.  Permanently busy is not valid.  It just means that their interest in you remains way too low and you should not pursue.  Back off. If they do like you, they will eventually get in touch with you and that shifts the interest balance back in your favor.

Remember that texting dynamics can tell you quite a bit about interest levels. If you are always the one reaching out he will get used to it and become numb to you.  He will look for a challenge while meanwhile you consider to be hanging around pestering him.  Likewise men who are needy.  Both girls and guys sleep next to their phone. Come on, they have to work, literally work, at not accidentally dialing you!  Don’t make excuses for their lack of interest and flaky texting. 

Take it as a direct reflection of their interest level in you and back off if you are the one doing all the pursuing.  If a girl’s interest level was high enough, you could literally blow her off for a week and ignore her, then text her one time, and she’ll replay within seconds!  This is a great situation because it shows she is really interested. Once you know that you don’t have to play games or torture the person.  Treat them right and now that their interest level is high enough to warrant getting to know them better and investing your time. 

If you remember this dynamic between texting and interest levels you can really use it to your advantage. You will quickly realize when people aren’t really interested in you and you can instead of being desperate and pathetic and become the pursuer, invest your time and energy elsewhere. 

Handle fizzling relationships the same way, by backing off

This goes for situations where you notice the texting is fading out or fizzling.  It is a clear sign that interest levels are waning.  In these situations it is counter-intuitive but letting them wane is actually healthier than trying to reel the person back into you by becoming the one who constantly texts them.  At that point, they are going to treat you like an option and a doormat and walk all over you.  Better to let things wane and they can see that if they don’t put in a little bit of effort they won’t have you around.  The good thing is that if they don’t want you around, you will discover this as soon as you back off because you won’t hear from them at all.  On the other hand, if they realize they do still want you around, they will pick up slack.

Calibrate your texting so that your texting is comparable to their texting. Not only is this proper etiquette, it brings out the interest levels so you can see clearly if your interest levels are compatible. If he texts once a month, and you want a relationship, obviously this tells you he is not a match for you. Never blow up someones phone with texts, it does no good. It does more harm than good actually. Keep it balanced and then look at the result because that tells you all you need to know about interest levels and relationship potential. Investing your time in those that have lost interest in you only diminishes you power and value further. If someone fizzles on you, it is what it is.  Move forward without blowing up or texting your displeasure. This keeps your self-respect in tact and makes you more valuable because you can understand boundaries, take a hint, and remain calm.

Interest level and text messaging


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