With the advent of internet dating, more and more first dates are set up like hit and runs rather than, ah, dates. This article should help women learn how to weed out men that are totally inappropriate for them right at the outset. If should save dating time and emotional aggravation.
It is understandable that men are leery about going out of their comfort zone or investing a lot of time on a women they’ve just perused or chatted with on the internet. For that reason, you might just get offered coffee on a first meetup and to a large extent this is both understandable and acceptable. Men don’t wish to get stuck on an uncomfortably long Friday night or Saturday night date. If you get offered a simple coffee/drink meeting some time during the week or on a Saturday or Sunday, this is understandable. Men want to protect themselves from discomfort and can get a little trepid about first meetings too. Don’t condemn men for trying to make it as painless as possible for themselves. But, there are certain signs beyond a coffee date which make it pretty obvious that a man isn’t really interested in you at all from the get go.
The most blatant sign is when a man makes sexually explicit comments about your looks or body or kissing you, etc on the first chat session on line or in early conversations with you. Women often get this from men who are ridiculously too young for them or live too far from them, men who are looking for casual or extramarital encounters, or men totally out of their basic dating criteria by a mile. These type of men should be ruled out or blocked right away. Even if a man gets past the initial chat session with you online, once you hand out your number there are more red flags to look for. If there is more than one red flag (or even one) you may want to consider if this person is someone you really want to meet up with.
He tries to set up the date details by text
Even if you met on the net, a decent guy knows how to act. He will follow the procedure of chatting briefly online, asking for your number, texting you to touch base, then calling you to talk on the phone. If that goes okay he might ask you out. It might be just for a quick meetup. If the meetup goes well, he knows then to ask you out on a real date. It’s pretty rote stuff and men know exactly what to do and what is expected of them. Therefore, if you see him waffling off this most basic of path of behavior to set up a meet up, it is a big red flag. Never ignore big red flags.
It’s polite if he sends a text once he has your number to say hi, touch base, and remind you of who he is. That way, you can program his name into your mobile phone. Beyond one or two texts though, a man should pick up the phone and call you. If he doesn’t, it is a really bad sign. If he texts you and you text back a message to him that it is okay to call you, you might be able to jostle him out of being a bad text date and he’ll get the message to call you. Be forewarned though that even if you gently jostle get him over from text to phone call, it is a red flag. The bottom line is that any man who is trying to text a date may not be inclined to get to know you. If he was, he would want to interview you on the phone and get a feel for what you are like. He would naturally want to. If he doesn’t do that, it only goes to say that he may not care what you are like. If a man doesn’t call and ask at least a few questions, he is likely only interested in your body or physical traits, but not interested in you.
He asks whether to meet nearer to him or to you
Some men have bad experiences on internet dates that make them become cautious. For example, maybe they drive a long ways and pay for a date with someone who looks nothing like their pictures. That can be frustrating and make them less inclined to go out of their way for future meet ups. To a certain extent it is understandable. However, if he can’t come out towards you and at least meet you for a quick coffee, it may not be worth meeting him at all. Expect him to be able to place a phone call to you, and arrange to drive and meet you at a safe public place in reasonable proximity to where you live, and at least treat you to a cup of coffee or a quick drink.
If he wants to just meet you on the side of the road somewhere, don’t. if he is questioning whether he even wants to drive out to meet you, then you should be questioning if this is a person that is really and truly interested in meeting you. Sometimes if you live far away the man might suggest meeting when he happens to next be in your area. This is an indication that he lives too far away in the first place. Don’t endlessly chat on IM with a far away guy as he might just be dabbling online and a complete waste of your time. It does not take weeks or months to meet someone feasible.
When something clicks between the two people’s personality the first date or meet up gets set up pretty smoothly and the man follows standard procedure. If you encounter something other than the norm, you may want to move on and not meet the person. They may be interested in some sort of hook up or casual encounter while you are interested in meeting someone real. If warning bells are sounding even before the first date, abort mission.
He suggests meeting at your place when you don’t know him
This is ridiculous and even the man knows it. If he even tries to suggest this it is so off and out there that you should just block him. He is only looking for a casual encounter period. Tell him good luck and don’t respond further. Men that suggest meeting at someone’s house have a broken chip in their brain and selfish unchivilrous intentions as it is completely not safe for the woman. It is the furthest thing from safe than you could possibly imagine, and any man probing whether you would be this dumb should be ejected out of consideration.
Most of this is common dating sense and all women know it. But some men are just able to charm or bamboozle you before you figure out what is going on. If you are astute you’ll never fall for these obnoxious man moves. The problem is that many women get online during a weak phase of life say after a break up or divorce and they become naïve potential victims of casual encounters. Always be wary particularly if you get on the internet after a breakup, or rebounding etc without really having your thinking cap on. If you fly by the seat of your pants it can be not only hurtful, but unsafe. Remember, if a guy can’t flow from an initial chat to a text to a phone call to a meeting at a safe public place in relative proximity to you, then on to a real date after that, cross him off your list. Better safe than sorry.