Tips for surviving when you can’t stop texting them after a breakup

Breaking up is never fun and never easy.  Texting becomes a big issue when one person wants to break up and cut contact but the other person wants to hang on and continue contact.  Texting to much also becomes a major issue in situations where you break up on and off with continued intermittent intimacy and making up in between the breakups. 

The key to detoxing from a person who dumped you (or is yoyo-ing on and off with you) is to cease all intimacy with the person.  Even if you still continue to text them too much or text them way longer than you should, cutting the physical ties will help you cut texting ties too.  Your texting may not happen at the exact same time as the intimacy but eventually one will catch up to another.  Want to stop texting them?  Stop being intimate with them.

Wanting to hang on due to breakup remorse and single status

No matter what, you aren’t going to be jumping for joy over a breakup.  If you were broken up with, then it’s going to feel even lousier than if you did the dumping.   Sometimes your partner wants out but instead of coming clean they pick endless fights with you until you finally blow your own stack and break up with them.  No matter who breaks up first the fact of the matter is that if you didn’t really want to break it off with them you are going to be upset which leads to wanting to text.

Fuzzy breakups encourage obsessive texting

There are times when you might get into a fight or rough patch where instead of an explicit breakup the other person merely starts to fizzle away and spend less and less time with you.  This is very common in casual relationships where you are intimate on occasion with the person however the relationship has not been formally defined.  If you’re in such a relationship then what the other person is up to when you’re not together can become a nerve wracking obsession.  It’s these relationships that encourage clingy behavior and texting out of insecurity.  The relationship is not black or white but rather in the gray area and that leads to stress and texting.

A fuzzy breakup is one that is happening or happened but it was never formally brought out into the open.  Maybe you catch them online or on a date and get the message that things aren’t progressing but there was no direct breakup per se.  If you demanded a conversation about your status as a couple, you’d probably get officially broken up with anyways.  Maybe you weren’t exclusive.  If you haven’t discussed the breakup, you might have a break up by proxy situation.  This is definitely a breakup happening but it hasn’t been make clear in spoken words.  Nevertheless the writing is on the wall.  The persons actions speak volumes as they may just be fading, disappearing, backing off, dating others, or even blowing you off altogether.

Why you’re texting after a breakup

Normal people realize when something isen’t working.  They are able to look towards a better future and cut all ties with an ex in order to get over them.  Common wisdom says that if you are having a hard time with a breakup you should cease contact with the person for at least 60 days in order to detox yourself from being intertwined with their existence.

For some though, the ability to execute a no contact policy just eludes them.  Rather than letting time pass enough to see the person who dumped you for who they really are, you obsess and continue to text them.  You have breakup remorse and go over and over in your head how things went wrong, blame yourself for the demise, and obsess about what you ex may be up to now.  You might try to move on and date other people yet a constant nagging thought in your head is that you wish you could be back with your ex or fix whatever went wrong.  You start to romanticize the relationship because you have not found anyone new so quickly and miss them.  You feel hurt.  You want to stay engaged with them so you text them.

All of that second guessing about what happened can lead to serious urges to continue to contact your ex and try and talk to them for whatever reason be it regret, remorse, frustration, anger, to apologize, to reconcile, or to relieve the new boredom of being suddenly single.  If your ex appears to be moving on and seeing other people then jeolousy can become a big factor also.  You might be mad and texting snide remarks.  If you’ve read any material on this site then you’d know that texting and texting after a breakup does not make the person who dumped you want you back.  It doesn’t help the relationship.

The trick to cutting text contact

The trick to cutting text contact is to do these two things.  First, is continually execute the 48 no texting rule on yourself.   Second, is to cut all physical ties which means no makeup, breakup, intermittent or continued intimacy.  Stop the physical.

No texting for 48 hours, repeat

The 48 hour no texting rule will force you to try and put time between all your texts.  If you slip up and text then try to go 2 days before you text again.  The 48 no texting rule will slow down your texting speed and eventually it will help you stop texting altogether. 

When you’re all caught up in a breakup you obsess at break neck speed and persever about the situation non stop.  It’s sort of like being caught up in an emotional drug rush.  Your emotions run so fast it can lead you to obsessively text way more than you should.  Trying to implement the 48 hour rule on yourself over and over works really well to slow yourself down from paranoia break-neck speed of text, to the normal speed that you should be operating at.

If someone sees you going emotionally haywire and they recieve hundreds of texts from you, they aren’t going to understand you’re on a nasty breakup drug like high.  They aren’t going to cut you a whole lot of slack if you’re hijacking your phone with texts.  They’ll view your texts as harassment and deem you unstable.   That’s why the first thing you should do is implement the 48 hour no texting rule.  At least then if you slip up and text them it won’t be a total barrage that can be construed as harassment.

No intimacy

Being intimate with a romantic partner creates this incredibly huge bond between the two people.  In women it’s insanely strong and in men it can be pronounced too especially if they were really in love with you at one point in time.  It’s actually linked to physical brain chemicals that create the bonding so there is a real scientific basis for the attachment you feel.  This love drug effect can really blind the reality that you may have been dating a jerk.  So much is overlooked while the natual love drug is working its magic on you.

If you want to break the obsessive ties between you and your ex all you have to do is stop being physical with them.  It’s best if you cut all contact verbal and physical.  But if you can’t stop texting cut the physical contact first.   This is a key breakup tip is to cut physical ties because you’ll find that your texting will slow down as time goes own after that physical cut.  Many of the obsessive texting relationships happen when the two people are in the gray area of things not really working yet still getting intimate with one another.  They are two people living a breakup in progress and are still fooling around which is exactly what leads to the addiction texting!

As long as you aren’t intimate with the person, your obsessive bond with them will start to break down.  Breaking down that attraction that is keeping you mentally obsessed with your ex really helps you stop texting them.  You might text them for a while but eventually the fact that you’ve physically parted ways will help you stop texting them completely.

There you go.  If you have an addiction texting problem you might not be able to cut contact cold turkey after a breakup even though you should.  Just because you aren’t a perfect no-contact-er doesn’t mean you are a stalker though.  You might just be really attached and need some time to detach.  You might function at a slower pace then them when it comes to detaching.  

Don’t beat yourself up on the one hand for continuing to beg and plead to your ex, yet don’t become a total stalker on the other.  Try my two tricks to help you survive the breakup.  First, implement the 48 hour rule consistently, and secondly, cut all physicality with the person.  If you do those two things eventually you’ll be able to back off like you should.  The 48 hour no texting rule will slow down your hyper-active texting behavior and the cessation of intimacy will help you physically decompress away from the person. 

It may take a few weeks or even a few months to move on and stop bothering your ex but you’ll be able to.  Don’t be surprised when your ex rears its head and surfaces wanting to talk to you,  just when you’ve managed to successfully get them out of your mind and have moved on with your life!


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