Tips to help you get your girlfriend back

Can you really get your ex-girlfriend back?  If you really love your ex-girlfriend and more importantly, if she loved you as well, then your chances of getting her back are actually pretty good.  Many couples fight and breakup.  After reuniting they may even have a stronger relationship than they did before.  Instead of feeling despaired, hurt and totally obsessed, step back and think clearly about if and how you can get her back.

Evaluate the breakup

If you broke up during a horrible fight then emotions were running high and you need to let the turmoil settle down.  Believe it or not a fight can mean that there were still feelings involved and maybe even love involved.  It’s the slower death and rot of a relationship over years that would be more concerning than a big fight or blow out. 

Obviously if things got physical or abusive that is another factor because your personality types may just bring out the worst in one another.  Relationships tend to settle back to their lowest point so if things got out of control once then they are likely to get out of control again in the future.

Let’s say your girlfriend doesn’t want to commit and she wants to see other people.  How much good will getting back together with her do you?  If you go crazy watching her date other people then really what is the point in getting back into a half-baked relationship with her?  Give thought to whether things could really work between the two of you.

Will anything get better if you get her back

If you miss your girlfriend you might start remembering only the good things.  Don’t forget the bad things.  You need to analyze if you think the relationship is realistically workable.  For example, if you drink and party and she is tired of the drinking and partying do you think anything will really change?  Will you straighten up your act then fall back into the lifestyle she hates?  Regardless of how much you love her you can’t just make things work using chemistry alone. 

The inherent problems need to be corrected to a certain degree otherwise the relationship will down spiral back to the same place even if you get her back.  Don’t just think about her warm snugly body, think hard about whether your relationship with her can actually work out and if it warrants more effort to make it work.  If you are sure that you want her back and that things could be workable then you should go for it.  Try to get her back.

Don’t beg

Girls and guys alike will be put off by begging.  If you seem too pathetic then that will make you emotionally unattractive to the other person.  Some advocate the no contact rule and all that to avoid being a doormat and force the other person to miss you.  No contact can be fine however if you’ve known each other a while it is rather pointless to contort yourself into what some dating help book tells you to do.  There is really nothing wrong in letting her know you care just don’t lose all your dignity and become pathetic.

Don’t play games

All relationships involve some game playing because after all dating is a jungle and all is fair in love and war.  That being said, playing games can cause additional hurt and anger.  If you play too hard she might develop a wall.  That means, no matter how much she would theoretically like to get back together with you, she can’t.  She can’t because you’ve crossed her or hurt her too many times and she’s not willing to risk trashing herself again.  That’s why games like jealousy and creating new girlfriends or being loose and dating like crazy while rubbing it her face can backfire.

Instead of playing games just work on taking a break from her and doing your own thing.  She’ll miss you.  She’ll miss the companionship and your company and you don’t have to purposely put salt in her wounds to make a point.

Don’t threaten her

Threatening her and getting nasty probably won’t help things either.  Don’t try to bribe her or get nasty.  For example, don’t be childish and threaten to throw things of hers away, show pictures of her to others, tell other people her secrets, and so on.  I know someone whose ex got so mad at her he called her mother and revealed all the secrets she had ever kept in confidence with him that she didn’t want her mother to know!  Needless to say they never reconciled. 

It’s more common than you think.  People get hurt then they get nasty.  They make threats and hold the ex partner for ransom on whatever tidbits they’ve got.  Emotional blackmail won’t help and even if you did manage to get your ex back those threats would set with her and come up to boil in every future fight between the two of you.  Don’t do anything memorable like push her, or dump a plate a food in her lap because she’ll never forgive you for it.

Talk is cheap

Once your girlfriend decides you are full of lies it will be next to impossible to mouth off things like promises to change.  She won’t believe the words pouring out of your mouth.  Once she thinks you are a liar or catches you being a liar she will be like the police.  You are her prime suspect now.  No amount of stupid words or stupid excuses will help you.  You’ll have to show her with your actions.  If for example you blow her off for weeks on end which caused the breakup, then call her every day for months on end to create the makeup.  That works a lot better than saying you’ll call but not doing it.  Do something to change rather than claiming you’ll change.

Apologize if need be

Guys don’t like to apologize.   Still though, it can help to apologize.  She will feel respected and validated if you apologize to her.  If you’ve done something lousy let her know you are sorry.  A little bit of romance can help in this department.  Don’t do anything over the top though as it will be too pathetic.  Just a nice gesture like a date, taking her out, going to a concert, or some small gift will help reinforce good feelings.  Don’t write her love letters every day or do anything stalker like.  Just a small gesture is all that is needed to bring back some of her good memories of the two of you.

Bury the hatchet

Once you make up then you want to try to let the issue go.  The danger is that every single time you fight you’ll drudge up the past and harrang her about it.  This can create future damage.  If you decide to let it go then try to let it go for real.  When new issues come up in your relationship stick to those new issues.  One of the biggest ways that fights get escalated is that old issues get brought up.  It becomes, you always do this, you did that. 

One single fight can become a war on the whole relationship where everything the person ever did wrong gets dragged into this fight.  This is so hard to really and truly bury the hatchet.  For example if she lied and you forgave her then she lied again you’d be tempted to go ballistic on how she lied and lied about this and that.  It is a danger so if you make up try to bury the hatchet.   Any new issues that come up stick to those and try not to unearth old mud.  No matter how much you relate issues now to issues in the past its better to stick to your guns and stay on the present issues.  This is especially true if you made a decision to forgive past indiscretions.  Forgive and forget.

Hopefully these tips can help you decide whether it is worth getting back together with her and taking the right steps to show her you care without coming off as desperate.


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