Understanding how he might continue to date you yet not be interested in pursuing a relationship

Here is a great dating story for women which explains how a man might continue dating or seeing a woman yet make a simultaneous decision that he is not serious about her.  Men are unlike women in the sense that they can compartmentalize relationships.  They can date a woman till the cows come home, yet be decided they aren’t ever going to become her boyfriend.  Have you ever been in a situation where a man seems to like dating you however never really lets your relationship with him go anywhere? 

It’s the feeling of taxi-ing around on the relationship runway yet never really taking off.  A man will continue such a situation claiming he is not ready for a relationship when in reality there may be certain things going on that made him conclude that it is you in particular, that he does not wish to pursue a serious relationship with.

Dating story

So this close friend, a man, was dating a woman he was friendly with in his work place.  She was extremely attractive, had worked with him on projects before, looking twenty years younger than her real age, and had a fun personality.  When I asked my friend who he had been with as of late he described this woman.  I asked, well are you interested in her?  And he said no, not really.  When I asked him to tell me why not he gave me two reasons.

Men are turned off by High maintenance women

One of the reasons he was not interested in a relationship with her even though he liked her was that he concluded that she was high maintenance.  This is a real turnoff for men.  In fact, on the reality television show tough love the dating version, the relationship pro always says that being high maintenance is a party kill for men.

What happened in this case is the woman went over to my friends place for the evening.  They were going to have some wine and hang out, and he poured her some wine.  Guess what, she didn’t like the wine and poured out what he had poured for her in his sink.  She was nice about it but knew a bit about wine.  She told him,  “honestly this isen’t for me you got anything else to try?”.  They both laughed about it.  So, he joked that next time she came over she should bring her own bottle of wine that suited her taste. 

He said it was a humerous incident at the time yet at that moment something clicked in his mind and she got categorized as someone he would never have a relationship with.  He explained to me that dumping out the wine was just too high maintenance.  She was used to finer things and would be literally impossible to deal with in a relationship he concluded.  At this point he was willing to date her but was not going to get serious or exclusive since he had just concluded she wasn’t his type,  She was too high maintenance.

Men are turned off by women who Gossip

The second reason he relegated this funny, attractive successful woman to non-relationship material was that she gossiped at work.  Their relationship status was in his mind, casually dating every now and then, and not exclusive.   To his dismay, my friend was approached by a buddy at work who said, “so I heard you and so and so are getting pretty close”.  Obviously, she had told some people at work that they were seeing one another and news travels fast through the grapevine. 

Since he had not had any relationship discussions with her as yet and was only getting to know her on a personal level, he took offense to her water cooler gossiping about the two of them.  In his mind, he was getting to know her at an infancy and there was no place for her to be gossiping to friends at work that they were an item.

In the first strike, he decided he did not want to get serious because he perceived her as too high maintenance, with the wine dumping cited as the tipping point.  In the second strike, he decided he did not even want to continue seeing her at all because he perceived her as a gossip, with the I heard you’re with so and so coming back to him via the gossip grapevine. He felt that their relationship was way too premature for her to have been gossiping about them being a new item in their workplace.

Men act easy going, but are nevertheless sizing up your relationship potential

The moral to the story is that while your man might seem mellow, into you and interested in hanging out, this does not mean his eyes are closed shut.  He is watching your behavior and certain things you might not realize can turn him off permanently to the idea of pursuing a relationship.  He might continue a casual relationship for some time, yet never follow through.  Being too high maintenance, and being too much of a big mouth, are the two reasons cited here for this woman getting relegated out of relationship potential. 

Even though he thought she was attractive and fun to be around, he concluded he wasn’t interested and cut her off.


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