Use silence to your advantage

If you have ever felt uneasy and sick to your stomach after a spat with a man (or woman) you know that you start to squirm and want to get yourself our of silent mode.  The urge to just fix it, is strong.  For example, if you had a fight and are not speaking you might feel obsessive about communicating, talking about it, and getting it all out on the table. News flash, forcing communication makes you come off as pushy, needy, and impatient.

Men and women too, do not like this quality of pesty pushiness. They don’t want to be hounded, and you seem to want to pick a fight, which is a bad combo.  Instead of clearing things up, forcing conversation just because you don’t like a situation can make matters worse.  Trust that the other person will talk to you when they are ready.  Pressing communication is not always the right thing to do.

Let things blow over by going silent

Sometimes you just are not ready to constructively solve a problem. You can use silence to your advantage to let things just blow over for a while. You will calm down, and your boyfriend or girlfriend will have time to let the dust settle also. It is not always what to say or when to say it that matters. It can also be what not to say. Having the clam fortitude to step back from a disagreement allowing it to blow over can be a good thing. Also, it can prevent you from engaging in ugly mud-slinging and verbal spars with your partner.

Doing nothing, can often be the thing to do. For example, let’s say your and your love get into a fight and it escalates to a text breakup. Such a situation may just be a case of somebody getting too ticked off. If you were to back off for a while that person might get over it once they had a chance to cool down.  Or what about when he doesn’t text for a week.  You might be tempted to text him but there will be an undertone of negativity in the text because you know you are getting blown off.  Now you are creating a negative vibe you don’t need.  Waiting to see if he ever bothers to contact you may be a very good idea.

Stop texting and use silence

If a breakup comes as a limbic reaction to a fight, you really don’t know if the person was just fed up with you at the moment, or seriously means it. Therefore, rather than get further and deeper into fighting over a breakup, take a step back approach. Stop texting and engaging in conversation. Let things blow over, let the dust settle, and give the air a chance to clear between you two. If you do this you can often salvage a breakup that escalated from a fight or disagreement. Maybe the breakup was more reactionary and if you just back off they will talk to you. So, give it space and time. Ssshhhh.

If he goes silent on you, do not be afraid of it. He might be busy, distracted, disinterested, or preoccupied. Your ability to stay in your own space and not crowd his space trying to fix something that really isn’t wrong shows him that you have self-control. People want a partner who will not flip out and fly off the handle. People want a partner who can stay calm even in stressful situations. Having good emotional control is a characteristic that makes you relationship material so work on taking a deep breath and trying to relax. You can do breathing exercises, meditation, listen to music or go exercise or engage in a hobby.

Start meditating to help stay silent

Try to focus on other things in your life when you are tempted to force conversation, fight, or verbal exchange. Relax your body and breathe. Focus on taking deep breaths and asking yourself if you really need to overreach or send that nasty text to him. Does he (or she) really need to hear from you right now? Is it your job to contact him when he has been blowing you off?  Maybe you should get some space.

The best thing about meditating, relaxing or doing whatever it takes to stop texting compulsively is that it makes you feel confident. Having that self-control is a key to garnering respect. Show him or her that you can step back from the interaction and get a grip. The more in control of a situation you are, the better off you are.

Alternative communication works

There are other ways to talk to him than via text message. In fact, if you allow relationship discussions to occur over text message, the odds increase that the relationship will be conducted over text message! Is that what you really want is a text relationship? No! If you refuse to talk about the relationship over text, then it has to be talked about in person and that is a win win. Not only that, you get to see the true colors of their interest level in you if you avoid text. They are going to have to call you and that is a good thing.

There are other ways to communicate with him than text message. You can wait until you are together and then communicate calmly without fighting. You could also use touch and the other senses to let him know what your true feelings are. Even a hug, kissing and so forth can send him a clear message that you care.

The right words might be no words at all. Do not be afraid of a silence between the two of you and do not be so eager to close the gap and be the one who does all the work in the relationship. Sit back and see what the other person does. That shows their interest level. If you are constantly reaching and running towards the person trying to communicate you are filling the gap and creating a sense of closeness that really is not there, and is not going two ways.

Always being the one to step in and start communication can leave you wondering if the other person would even be around at all were it not for your efforts. If you feel that your efforts are one way this can lead to resentment and estrangement. So be sure to step back and let the relationship dynamic unfold naturally. Don’t try to force it. Sit back and be silent often so that you can see what he does, and see clearly how interested in you he really is. You will come across as less pushy and you might be surprised that he comes around more since he realizes he isen’t going to be inundated by text messages, conversation, expectations, and neediness.

Will he get in touch or will weeks go by without hearing from him? Nothing works better to see his true intentions than sitting back and letting him do some of the initiating. If you can get comfortable without initiating text all the time it will give you a truer picture of what is going on in this relationship. Never overwork yourself to create, keep, or fix a relationship that is mostly comprised of you spinning your wheels over somebody. It will only make you crazy and text like crazy. Take a big step back and Sssshhh. Then see what he does.

Using silence to your advantage in relationships


This entry was posted in How To and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *